Quite Like You
by spencershasting
Summary: You can bring lightness into the dark just by lighting a candle. Lighting someone else's candle won't make yours go out, it just makes more light. Toby and Spencer find light in one another. AU without A, Ali is really dead. Ian tried to kill Spencer in the Bell Tower because she knew he killed Ali, and she thinks Toby saved her. The first of many sparks. Spoby love story.
1. You Saved Me

Spencer was supposed to hate Toby. He was the town outcast and bad boy. Her family basically ran the country club. As far as she was supposed to be concerned, Toby was of no importance. Alison felt the same way. Before her disappearance, there was the…Jenna thing. Of course he hated them from then, with good reason. But Ali just said it was the natural order of things. Her friends went merrily along after her.

But Spencer always felt like her own version of the outcast in her country-club-straight-A-popular-clique-tennis-playing-future-lawyer-type world. She loved her family in the sense that they were her blood and she enjoyed the company of her friends in the sense that they were her connection to the social world, but she didn't feel she fit in. And she rarely could find any justification or rightness in Ali's antics. But she was Ali; she certainly was not going to cross her and lose her sense of immunity from the evil in her veins. But because of this, she had a soft spot for Ali's prey. For everyone, really. But mostly Toby. He lived nearby to the girls, so they grew up in very close proximity. He always looked so sad…and then his mom died. And Ali never, ever quit giving him a hard time over what may or may not have been a crush on her at camp one summer. Spencer always trailed behind her girls, giving him a sympathetic look, a whispered apology, a human response.

Which is why when Spencer's crazy brother-in-law and ex-boyfriend tried to kill her in the bell tower, Toby didn't forget all the times she made him feel alive. He followed her, and he pushed Ian off. And then he ran. He's already been in legal trouble over the Jenna thing and couldn't afford to be charged with Ian Thomas' murder. He had his hood up, and he ran away, as fast as he could. Spencer barely saw who it was. But she was a Hastings: she had a hunch who the hooded figure running away was.

A few weeks later when things had settled, Spencer saw an opportunity and pounced: she signed up to tutor Toby in French. He was working on his GED at home since the Jenna thing, and needed some extra help. She took the case to see if she could grill him. She had a weird feeling in her stomach that it was him. She wasn't sure why it would be him; why he would help her when everyone thought he was so scary and dark, but she thought it was him.

She slowly approached his porch and lightly knocked on the door. All of her friends thought it was a bad idea. They were still convinced that he had killed Alison. But she had had her focus on Ian for a long time, despite her friends' doubts. She was nervous, more nervous than she should be.

When he opened the door, she could tell he was surprised to see her. "I'm here to, uh… you need a French tutor?" She stammered.

"You're my tutor?" he squinted. "Uhhh… come in." he led her right to his basement apartment under his dad's house.

"This is a cool pad. You have the whole downstairs?" She looked around, impressed.

"Yep, all mine." He sat on the couch in front of the coffee table.

They awkwardly went through different dialogues in French. They spent a long time talking about school stuff, mostly in French. She was finally closing her books, not looking up at him, when she blurted it out. "It was you at the bell tower…wasn't it?" she slowly looked up.

"I didn't mean to….hurt him. And I hope I didn't hurt you…" he spat it out so quickly and nervously, she could see him visibly shaken by the ordeal. "I just wanted to help. You...it didn't look good."

"Toby…Toby slow down. I wasn't blaming you." She shook her head. "I wanted to thank you…He was a horrible man, and you…I mean, I wouldn't be here right now."

"But instead he isn't…" he looked away. "I…killed him. I took away someone's LIFE. There's no coming back from that. I know he was bad, but he was someone's family…"

"Toby…he killed Alison…I'm pretty sure. And he tried to kill me. There's no reason to feel bad about what you did. I mean, I get it, but…don't, Toby. The police already think he fell when we were fighting and I was defending myself…you aren't going to get into trouble. If you didn't…I would be dead. I owe you. Big time. You're a hero." She reached out to touch his hand but he flinched, moving away quickly.

"I don't want to talk about it…I'll walk you out." He stood, touching his knees pushing down his bunched up jeans.

"We don't have to talk about it…but I don't want to leave you alone…now. You're upset… Uhmmmm…" she tried to think quickly. "I could stay. We could watch a movie, or play a game or something."

"What game?" he asked, not looking at her yet, still making up his mind.

"Well, what do you have?"

"Uhm, checkers, Scrabble, Monopoly… some video games."

"Scrabble! I love Scrabble! That's, like, my FAVORITE game. Nobody ever wants to play Scrabble with me…I'm kind of really good at it." She was beaming. She wanted to know more about the sad boy she spent years avoiding due to some unspoken rules of separation. The boy that saved her life. She also wasn't ready to go home yet. She hated being in her house, especially since Ian died and her sister moved to London. All eyes were on her, and she was never quite good enough.

"Okay," he started going through a cabinet to pull out the game. "But you should maybe think about switching to water," he smirked, nodding at her extra-large cup of coffee she was holding on to tightly.

"Sorry, I just haven't played games in…years, probably." She blushed.

They started to play and of course she was competitive. But he was really good. Much better than she thought he was going to be.

"Wow you're the biggest competition I've ever had with this game." She narrowed her eyes looking at how he used all his tiles on a stupid word like "Goofball" and got an absurd number of points. "

"You surprised?" He laughed. "Tutor gets schooled…" he mumbled. "I'm just bad at French. I've always done well in everything else. I could give you a run for your money Brainy Hastings."

"I didn't say I was smarter than you. I'm just good at this game." She smiled. "So you like school…well, learning…" she remembered he didn't go to school in the traditional sense of the word.

"I do, yeah. I like bettering myself. Getting stronger, smarter… Plus I'm good at it."

"I used to like school," she sighed. "There's just so much pressure now. I have to get into n Ivy League school, and…its all just a lot. I wish I wasn't smart sometimes. I think it would be less of a disappointment." Her family put tremendous weight on her to uphold certain standards. She wasn't congratulated for being smart when she did well, either. It was expected. It was either sour disappointment or nothing – no praise, because she was doing what was expected when she did well. It did a toll.

"That sounds…horrible, actually. Really bad. I want to go to college eventually, but I'd rather work… wow, Ivy League…"

"I don't even want it, honestly. But God forbid I don't go to Princeton like my sister and my parents and my grandparents…" she rolled her eyes. Her friends never let her go on about this stuff. She was supposed to be happy to have a family that was so elite and had the means to send her to Princeton. She was a brat for not wanting it. But really, she just wanted a break.

"So go somewhere else, it's not as hard as you think to break the cycle."

"My parents won't stand for anything else… you don't know them. They care more about status and what their friends think than they do anything else. I just can't stand disappointing them. And they won't pay tuition anywhere else." She sighed. "I'll get a chance to make my own choices when I'm older…probably." She put down a word using all her letters, looking proud of herself.

"If you say so," he did the same, but on a triple word score tile, beating her again. "Where would you go to school…if you could go wherever you wanted?" He asked.

She made a face. She never lost this game but he was beating her. "I don't know, honestly. Maybe somewhere in New York… or get far away…USC, maybe. Or somewhere in the South, get away from the busyness. Something not so competitive. What about you? Your plan?"

"I don't know. Probably get my degree online. Or go to a community school and then state school. But I don't want to stay in Rosewood either… getting far away would be nice."

They played for a while more; he beat her twice. "Crap," she grunted, helping him put away the game and looking at her watch. "I didn't realize what time it was. I'm already half an hour late to dinner with my parents. I have to go…but we WILL rematch." She smiled. "Text me if you need anything… or just need to talk, or whatever… Goodnight." She awkwardly kissed his cheek before hurrying out. But when she got home it turned out her parents hadn't noticed she wasn't home. She apologized quickly when they got home, thinking they'd gone out for dinner, but they had each apparently worked late and hadn't bothered to text her. They had no idea she wasn't home, and they didn't care.

Later that night she was sitting at her desk, having just finished up homework and getting ready for bed when her phone buzzed. She settled in bed and typed in her passcode and saw a notification from Toby Cavanaugh. He invited her to a Words With Friends game.

"Rematch is now ;)" he wrote in the chat feature of the app. "How was your walk home?" He asked, genuinely concerned for her safety. He was a big gentleman.

"Ugh. Long story short my parents didn't realize I wasn't home. I could have stayed out and taken my time and it wouldn't have made any difference whatsoever." She messaged back, smiling at her screen and overanalyzing the wink face he had sent in the initial invitation. She wanted to beat him this time.

"So, come back over. If they don't care if you're home…"

She re-read his message a few times before closing the chat box and making her next move.


	2. Taking Chances

Toby was in rare form. He typically never would have invited her back over. But he felt her loneliness through the phone screen, and it matched his quite well. They might as well be lonely together, maybe be a little less alone.

He kept refreshing the page, trying to see if she'd responded. When she kept making moves in the game without answering, he realized he blew it. _She probably still thinks you're a freak. She's probably scared of you, too. Just like the rest of them. Like everybody in this stupid town. _He thought, throwing his phone across his bed and grunting. _So much that. _He thought, giving up.

xx

Spencer kept opening and closing the message, but decided to just finish the game. He won, and she was losing ego. He'd beaten her twice now. _Why would he want me to go over there? Is he kidding? Maybe he's kidding… Yeah. But…what if he isn't? Break the cycle…. _She hummed, and decided that the only way anything was going to change was if she changed, too. You can't do expect different results when you keep doing the same thing over and over.

Spencer shimmied out of her pajama shorts and into her leggings and tied on her boots. She crept out of the house, running down her porch steps and untangling her hair from the sloppy knot sitting atop her head and smushed her chapstick to her lips, spreading it evenly with her pinky finger. When she arrived at his house, she went along the side and knocked on the small window that lead to his basement apartment.

He came after a minute, opening the window and moving out of the way so she could climb inside. "You scared the shit out of me," he rubbed his eyes.

"Sorry" she bit her lip, holding his hand as she jumped down from the windowsill. "Did I wake you up?"

"Kind of…I mean, no. I was just thinking and resting. I didn't think you were coming."

"I didn't think I was coming, either, honestly… but…I, uh, I changed my mind."

He had sat back on his bed, and was just looking up, admiring her. The faint glow from a mixture of moonlight and the streetlight illuminating her from behind, accenting her curves and the angles of her face. She was such a sweet girl, and she was so pretty… and she gave him the time of day. H'e'd never seen anything quite like her.

He realized then that she had been talking and he was just staring at her. "Well… come, sit" he moved over on his bed making room for her. He leaned back on his elbows and watched her sit down next to him. He exhaled loudly, relieved at the order of events so far.

"I'm not going to get you in trouble am I?" She said only slightly above a whisper.

"No one here cares what I do. Stay as long as you want. Make yourself comfortable." He smiled and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear as she settled a bit into the bed. "So why did you want me to come back?" she turned to him with a sweet half smile.

"I thought we could have some fun," he smiled back. "I mean…we had a good time this afternoon."

"It's a little late…and a little dark for Scrabble. Besides you already beat my ass twice today. I have some ego to protect." She nudged him playfully.

"Maybe we could do something else…" He said softly, putting his arm around her, testing the waters.

"Like what?" She felt her cheeks flush pink.

"Maybe, uhm. Maybe, if you wanted me to, I could kiss you, maybe." He stuttered. He wasn't as smooth out loud as he had been in his mind.

She let out a small little noise and her eyes flickered down. This time she tucked her own hair behind her ear. He looked a little defeated, and moved away from her a bit, "I was…" he started to try to play it off as a joke, but when he looked up to continue speaking he was met with Spencer's lips less than an inch from his. "I'm waiting." She giggled a little as she whispered; he could feel her breath warm on his lips.

Toby wanted to savor this, and wanted her to feel as respected and beautiful as possible. He eased into it, first entangling his hand in her hair, supporting the back of her head, and then locking eyes with her before slowly, finally, after what felt like forever, gently placed his lips against hers and laid a soft kiss on her lips.

She kissed him back at first slowly and softly, their lips barely touching. The kissing soon progressed to be a bit harder, a bit sloppier, a bit more passionate and intense. After all, she was a Hastings – things were to be intense, or not done at all.

A million thoughts sped through Spencer's head as she kissed Toby and welcomed him inside of her mouth. And not one of them was about stopping. She felt weirdly attracted to him. She wanted nothing more than to be there with him, doing this. When she snuck out of her house to sneak into a boy's house, she had at least a small inkling that this might happen. And she still came. And now here she was, on his bed, kissing him like her life depended on it. She wondered for a moment if she was only attracted to him because he saved her, but she quickly sent that thought to the back of her mind, wanting to live in the moment. Screw the Hastings' "Why enjoy today when you could be worrying about tomorrow" bullshit – she deserved to enjoy this.

Soon he laid her down, and his weight pressed onto her. She was nervous underneath him, her Hastings blood not letting her live in the moment without a worry. _What if this is for the wrong reasons… Maybe he's not the nice guy that I think that he is… Maybe this is some sick revenge for Jenna… I mean up until a month ago I was sure he hated me… and now his tongue is in my mouth. I'm such an idiot, I shouldn't have come here tonight. What if he tries to go further? What if I say no…. he's so much stronger than me. Oh, stop being ridiculous. That's horrible. Ugh. _She debated internally for a while. When they finally separated for a moment for air, he grazed his nose against hers and smiled into her. She giggled slightly and whispered "I've never done anything like this before," she tried to sound silly, but he could sense her nerves.

"I don't want to do anything but kiss, like we've been doing…don't worry." He smiled and kissed her nose, and then her lips. "Unless you want me to stop. I can, uh, drive you home if you're not comfortable." He put some space between their bodies for a moment to let her breathe and think.

He proved that he cared about her. He was gentle. "I'm not worried, Toby" she cooed, his name sounded like a song when she said it. She wanted to be good at everything and keep up appearances, not to show him that she had been nervous. But he had made her feel much better. She hated to admit it, but she could never knock her perfectionist Hastings insides. She hoped he was doing alright.

They kissed for a very long time – the longest she'd ever kissed anybody without stopping, or something else almost happening. Not that she had a large volume of experience, but still. That meant something.

When they pulled apart, they were both left catching their breath. She wanted to cuddle in close, but she wasn't sure if she should be leaving when they were done. She sat up, her cheeks still bright red. "This was…really nice." She bit her lower lip in a slight smile.

"Yeah…do you want to watch a movie?" He smiled.

"It's 3 AM…"

"So just a half hour episode. Come on, please stay. I cant very well invite you here at midnight and kiss you half the night and just send you home at this absurd hour. Let's rest, I know you must be tired too." He argued.

"Okay…" she nodded, and snuggled into him so quickly that he audibly let out a half gasp, half laugh. She couldn't hide how eager she was to be in his arms.

This kind of moment was new to her. Her parents weren't ever really romantic with each other, and they were certainly not the type to coddle their kids. She was too busy with school for boyfriends, and the ones she had had were rich snobs she met at the country club who didn't know how to _feel._ Yes, she was a perfectionist Hastings at her core, but deep down at heart she was not like her parents or her sister, even if she wanted to be and acted like she might be. She _felt_ things. She was soft.

She let out a soft sigh when she got comfortable against him. "You pick," she motioned to the remote.

"How about we just stay like this instead." He kissed her cheek and played with her hair until they both fell asleep.

She woke up at 7 AM, jumping in his arms as her phone blared out her alarm tone. She groaned and slipped out of his arms to shut it, disoriented by the fact that she didn't wake up in her own room. She heard him groan at the sound and turn over. "Shhhhh go back to sleep" she whispered, her eyes barely open. But when her phone started to ring again, her eyes finally opened. Toby flopped over onto his back and sat up behind her "Ugh, I'm up, I'm up." He rubbed his eyes.

But she didn't say a word. Her phone continued to ring – it wasn't her alarm. The phone finally stopped, and Spencer put her phone down next to her and exhaled loudly, putting her hand on her head as if she had a migraine.

"Spencer, are you alright?" He kissed her cheek and wrapped his arm around her, trying to pull her back into bed to sleep, his eyes barely opened.

But she didn't answer, she just stared at her phone.

_3 Missed Calls – Mom_


	3. It's Not Like I Asked For This

_A/N: Thank you for those of you who have reviewed and followed so far! I know the story, or particularly this chapter might be a bit slow - but i have several chapters planned already! I plan to post chapter 4 very soon, maybe even later tonight. There's not too much Spoby in this chapter, but I don't want to rush the story! Enjoy and please keep reviewing!_

"Spencer… " he wanted to know what was going on; he was concerned that the girl who had slept in his bed with him the night before was suddenly paralyzed at the edge of his bed. He wanted to give her space, but also wanted to protect her and take care of her.

"I have to go." She said pulling her hoodie on only halfway before running up his stairs and out the door, forgetting her bag without a second thought.

Her phone started to ring again while she was on the sidewalk, trying to catch her breath while fumbling with her keychain to try to get her car key it the door.

"Is everything okay? Why did you call me so many times?" She tried to sound concerned instead of nervous.

"Where were you this morning? I thought we could all have breakfast this morning since we didn't have dinner last night, but your car was gone when your father and I came down this morning. We have some things to talk about with you, your father and I."

"Oh, sorry I must have forgotten to tell you guys last night that I would be going to school early for a student council meeting. We're trying to solidify all of the details for the Winter Dance-a-thon Benefit, and the only time we were all free was before early period, since half the board is involved in early band practice." She had become fairly good at lying. She learned from the best, her parents.

"Oh, well I hope I'm not interrupting." Spencer couldn't tell if her mother was being sassy or not.

"You're not. What was it you needed to tell me so urgently?"

"Nothing, it can wait until dinner tonight. You will be home, right?"

"Yeah… I can be home. So you called me four times to tell me you want to talk later?" She felt a pit in her stomach; the talk was probably going to be serious. Did they know that she'd been sneaking out? That she was tutoring – and apparently making out with – Toby Cavanaugh?

"Oh, of course not – thanks for reminding me. Where is your tennis racket? I was looking in the front closet and I peeked in your room but I can't find it. Melissa and I are playing with clients in an hour and Melissa's racket is broken."

"You went in my room?!"

"Spencer, don't try that tone with me. It's my house. Just tell me where your rackets are."

"They're in Dad's car. I left them in there last time we played doubles at the club. Sorry."

"Oh dear, your father left an hour ago. I guess I'll have him get his assistant to come meet us at the club with your tennis bag. See you tonight, 8pm. Don't be late."

She went to say something to her mother, but before she could even stammer a goodbye her mother had already clicked off. _I'm so screwed, _Spencer exhaled anxiously.

She went through half the day super distracted before she realized she had left some of her books in her bag that was at Toby's house. She found herself just floating through her morning classes, barely present beyond the physical sense of the word.

She soon joined her friends at lunch, a complete scattered mess of books laid out across the table, and her food mostly untouched even halfway through the period. She hadn't joined in during one conversation yet and lunch was half over.

"What test do you have this afternoon?" Hanna laughed as a book fell from the table and onto Hanna's lap. "You need to chill out, I don't think Spencer Hastings has been unprepared a day in her life." The rest of the girls laughed.

"Yeah Spence, what's into you today?" Aria looked at her friend, concerned.

But to no avail could they get Spencer out of her own head. "Spencer…? Spence!" Hanna half shouted and waved her hand around in Spencer's face.

"Huh?" She looked up. Emily looked at Hanna and Aria and shrugged.

"They were asking you what was with the mess of books… And you haven't eaten even a bite yet." Emily tried to be patient with her friend.

"Oh…I just can't find my French book, I don't know where I left it. My Latin book is missing too…" she sifted through the papers again.

"It's one day, Spence… you'll be fine. You can look along with me in French, and I'm sure you can find someone in Latin to let you look on too. I'm sure your teachers will allow you to have a little slip up. After all, you are a Hastings." Aria said, helping herself to a cherry tomato sitting atop Spencer's salad.

"Would you all STOP saying that?" She slammed her books shut, rolling her eyes. "I'm not that perfect, okay. It's not all about the name." She grumbled half under her breath; frustrated with even her best friends' expectations of her that were feeling all too unrealistic as of recently.

The girls all exchanged glances before Hanna jumped in. "I think you need a break. Why don't you just leave early? Tell the office you're sick and go home. Your parents probably won't care."

But Spencer clearly wasn't listening, she was suddenly drawn into her phone without any sense of who was talking around her.

"Spencer! What the hell are you doing now? Who are you texting? You haven't been listening to a word we've said all period." Hanna got annoyed.

"No one, okay I'm just trying to figure out about my missing assignments."

"Bullshit." Hanna called. "No one should look that hard at their phone unless they're getting sexts."

All of the girls looked at Hanna with a _are you kidding_ kind of look.

"What?!" Hanna squealed. "It's true. I'll bet you all $50 it's a guy."

"Guys, stop." Spencer stopped texting long enough to look up at her friends. "Just drop it okay?"

Before Spencer had even gotten the whole sentence out of her mouth, Hanna had reached over and slapped Spencer's hand, sending her phone flying out of her hand, and Hanna caught it and scrolled up through the messages to see who Spencer's mystery texter was.

"Are you serious?" Hanna's eyes grew wide when she saw Toby's name at the top of the open conversation on Spencer's phone. Her phone buzzed again while Hanna held it and Toby's new message popped up on her screen:

_Yeah, you left a binder here with some books. They must've spilled out of your bag when you ran out of here this morning. Hope everything's okay. I was worried since you left in such a rush. I hope we can talk later ;) _

"You spent the night with TOBY CAVANAUGH?!" Hanna basically screamed, with the rest of the girls chiming in various yelling-tone comments while Spencer's face turned a deep red and aggressively grabbed her phone from Hanna's grasp.

"I told you I was tutoring him. Agh, I don't owe any of you an explanation. Get off my back!" She snapped, stomping off with her books in disarray in her arms. She shoved all of her stuff haphazardly into her locker and pulled on her sweatshirt. She leaned against her locker and took a deep breath, trying to calm down from the episode she'd had at lunch.

She left school early and went straight home. She was sitting on her couch flipping through the channels, her thoughts fuming from her friends and their expectations and their judging her and Toby and her frustration that there even was a thing with Toby and that she didn't know for the first time in her life what she wanted or needed or was planning with him. She finally picked up her phone and called Toby.

"Hey, Spence. Are you okay?" She could hear a smile in his voice when he spoke her name in almost a singsong tone.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine…sorry I never answered your text. I'll come get my books later or some time over the weekend." It was Friday afternoon.

"Don't worry about it, I was just worried about how you flew out of here this morning…and then you didn't text me back. I thought you were upset…"

"I'm not," she cut him off, before softening her tone. "I guess I didn't text you back because I wanted to…hear your voice." She said it softly. The sentence was already halfway out of her mouth before she could react to her own vulnerability. She even surprised herself.

"I'm glad you called." He sounded like he meant it.

She smiled into the phone and there was a long, pregnant pause of silence between them. Somehow it wasn't awkward; there was no inherent need on either side to fill said silence.

"I have to go, I just wanted to tell you I'd pick up my books some other time…I'll text you when."

"I'll talk to you later, Spencer." He hung up, unsure of what was between them and if the night prior had been a mistake. Or rather, if she had considered it a mistake. He was still feeling electricity from being with her. Not even the kissing, but just being so close to her. Most of it was because he had become the Boo Radley of Rosewood; he was a monster to be avoided. A perceived and actual murderer, depending on the account you were looking at – Alison or Ian. He quickly pushed the thought of Ian out of his head before he got nauseous again. He was just happy that somebody could see past all of that and see the good guy he wanted to be and actively tried to be, despite all the rest. And she laid with him without any hint of fear that he would hurt her. That trust, that closeness, was all he wanted. And he was already craving it again.

For Spencer, she wasn't sure what she wanted, or why anything had happened, or why she ever went to his house. But she knew that she liked it. She liked kissing him, she liked his gentle touch, she liked that unlike her horndog ex boyfriends, he didn't try to undress her after three seconds. She liked that he was different, because she was different, too.

She changed her clothes and got herself presentable looking for dinner with her family. When she came downstairs, her parents were already home and setting the table. She joined in helping her mother set the table – three plates and place settings.

"Melissa isn't joining us?" Spencer said staring at the table.

"Just us tonight, sweetheart." Her mother stopped to look at her phone as Spencer continued to set the table. _Great - center of attention with these animals. I'm going to get eaten alive tonight, aren't I? _Spencer thought, trying to act as politely as possible as they all sat down.

Normally they'd play the game where they all spoke of their accomplishments as of late, so they could make each other feel bad about what would otherwise be personal victories –but with Melissa missing, it was just time to rattle off what they were all keeping busy with. At least there wasn't a looming sense of competition in the air. Well, it was still the Hastings house – but at least it wasn't as bad as usual.

"Well, I'm still working at the tutoring center. I just got an assignment for a French student – so that's working out in my favor because it's helping me study for AP French by going back to basics…" She gently mentioned Toby, without telling them exactly that it was Toby.

"That's great honey," her father said between slurps of soup. "Why don't you tell your mother and I about this dance you've been planning at all hours, apparently…"

_Shit, they're going to bust you now. This is it. _Spencer gulped. At least she really was helping out with the dance, among other things, although she may have embellished at how involved she was at planning this particular event to make excuses about not being home. "Well, okay. I'm planning the dance-a-thon – which I know you guys won't be able to come to, but if you could donate to endorse me that would be awesome. Whatever you pledge you pay per dance I get through." She explained, pushing her food around but not actually taking any bites. "It's two weeks from tomorrow. Right before Christmas recess" Spencer finally looked up.

"That's impressive. You better put it on your resume. Email me the information and I'll send in your mother and I's pledge." Her dad nodded. She looked to her mother for any sense of disapproval or not believing in her story.

"Your father and I will try to swing by. It's for a good cause, I mean. St. Jude's this year, right?" Her mother looked over her glasses.

"Yeah, St. Jude's. Great cause." Spencer tried to evaluate what was going on.

"You know who would probably be into something like that, the Shepard's." Her mother took a bite of her rice.

"Great family, very successful surgeons – all of them. Even the older boy, what's his name, honey?" Her father chimed in, looking at her mother.

"Gene," She answered. "And the younger boy, Todd, is only a year older than you. He just started at Princeton this fall."

"That's cool. Yeah, the more pledges the better…" Spencer trailed off. "What did you and dad want to talk to me about?" She put down her fork.

"Well, that was it, honey. The Shepards are back on the East coast from Washington. You remember them, don't you? We used to meet them at the club all the time when you were kids."

"Yeah, uh, I remember them… but why did that call for a dinner?"

"Well of course you'll be getting your Princeton acceptance any day now, and with Todd there too, we thought maybe you kids could get together again. Todd will be home soon for break between semesters, so you could get together with him to talk about Princeton. Maybe you can take him to the dance-a-thon!"

"Uhm, what?"

"I'll call Mira in the morning. Ooooh, how perfect." Her mother beamed.

"Wait wait wait," Spencer sat up a bit straighter.

"What, Spencer? It can't hurt to get in tight now with a good Princeton boy. He'll get you in with the right people, the right connections. And what a family to join into. You with the Hastings law practice and him with his father's medical reputation – my gosh, talk about unstoppable."

"Dad!" Spencer whined. "Mom, Dad, you can't be serious right now. Last time I saw Todd he was eleven years old and laughing because he saw my underwear when we were jumping around on the tennis court and now you're marrying me off to him?!"

"Oh Spencer don't be so dramatic," her mother rolled her eyes.

"We are not marrying you off. Of course we want you to finish school before any of that, like your sister. We just want you to make the best of your time at Princeton, and why not start the networking now?" Her father smirked, taking a large bite of steak.

"Besides," her mother started again, not letting Spencer get a word in edge-wise between the two of them. "You haven't dated much and I thought you would appreciate being put in contact with a nice boy."

"Aggggh!" Spencer screamed. "What if that isn't what I want?!"

"Settle down, Spencer. Eat your dinner, you haven't touched the meat." He pointed to her plate with his fork.

"No, Dad – you guys aren't asking me what I want – at ALL. What if I don't want to go to Princeton and marry a nice Princeton boy from a doctor family?"

"So marry someone else, Princeton is full of nice boys. Marriage is far off anyway."

"You aren't even listening," Spencer argued. "I don't want to go to Princeton."

Her mother and father both chuckled. "Well, of course you'll go to Princeton."

"No I'm not. Who said I wanted to go to college at all?" she raised an eyebrow. Of course she did, but her parents weren't listening to her and she needed something to get their attention.

"Spencer Janine Hastings you are going to Princeton and that is the end of it. It's practically a done deal! You're a double legacy. We all went there, and you will too. You'll have a wonderful time. It's a wonderful school."

"I'm not going." She pushed out her chair from the table, standing. Her father came over, standing directly in front of her. "I think you better go to your room and sort out whatever this hissy fit is. If you're overwhelmed with all of your extracurricular, then drop one of your clubs, but do NOT take that tone in my house, do you hear me?"

She just grunted before stomping up her steps and shutting her door.

She cried and wallowed and felt sorry for herself for about five minutes before the anger returned.

When she saw all of the lights go out as the clock struck 11, she quickly sent the ever so familiar _SOS _text her friends and her shared at least once a month. Like clockwork, she saw the headlights flash outside and she ran downstairs.

She very, very quietly crept out of her back door, locked up, and ran to the car, hopping in the front seat. "Drive!" She shouted at her getaway car driver, not caring where they'd end up.


	4. Secrets Keep Us Close

Spencer laughed as the car sped down the street, turning up the radio. She settled as they pulled in by the lake, just a few blocks from her house, quickly realizing she'd ran out of the house in sweatpants and a thin shirt in the middle of the Pennsylvanian November. She hadn't even remembered to put a bra on. She crossed her arms over her chest to keep the heat close to her.

"Thank you for picking me up this late," she looked up at her friend sitting beside her. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier." She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned in her seat so she could make eye contact while she spoke. "I was caught up in a lot; I should have explained. You deserve that, at least."

"So talk to me now," The words reached Spencer with a warm smile.

"How about we walk." Spencer asked, instead.

"Spencer, it's freezing out. You're barely dressed."

"I'm fine. I just wanted some fresh air. The lake… it's my calm spot. Well really all water is. Come on, pleeeease." She begged.

"Fine, let's go sit by the dock."

They got out of the car and walked as far as they could before they sat on the edge, dangling their feet over the water.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Spencer… no. But talk to me… I mean you texted me for a reason I'm sure."

"Because of all my friends, I thought you would understand… that I just needed to get out."

"What happened?"

"Well it's a lot of things, I guess… But my parents planned this dinner tonight to trap me into meeting one of their Princeton alum friends from college and their Princeton son and they yelled to me that I didn't have a choice… I mean, I know I've said it before, but to actually hear the words out of their mouths – that it's practically a done deal… I don't want any of this. They're planning my life away and it's all going so fast and I feel like I can't breathe." She was talking fast, and started to gulp for air. She was starting to hyperventilate in a panic attack.

"Spencer… Spencer look at me, you're fine. Shhhhh… It'll be okay. But you have to calm down. You're having a panic attack. Spencer, keep looking at me. Be here with me."

She was finally more aware of the hands on her shoulders, bracing her. She looking into the ocean blue eyes staring into her deep brown, bloodshot, scared ones.

Her breathing steadied not for even a minute before she burst into tears.

"Toby, it's all wrong. Everything's wrong." She sobbed as he pulled her into his chest, running his fingers through her hair as he held her head in place.

"Shhhh, it's alright." He let go for a moment and pulled away, only to take off his sweater and wrap it around her. He pulled her back into his chest and rubbed her back, even though she had mostly stopped crying.

"Don't take this the wrong way," he said, still holding her. "because I'm so happy you called… no one should have a panic attack and be alone. It's too scary. But why didn't you call one of your girlfriends? I mean, you guys are inseparable. As long as I can remember."

She pulled away to rub her eyes. "We got in a fight this morning."

"What happened?"

Her eyes flickered away, not wanting to let him know that he was the root of her current problem concerning her friends. "They just don't really understand any of what I'm going through. Ali was the one that made us friends… we're all too different on our own. A clan of misfits who just don't make sense."

"Spencer, you and I both know that isn't true. You all are stronger without Ali bossing you all around all of the time. You should try being honest with them about how you feel. Maybe you're misunderstanding them, too." He nodded.

"I don't think we'll change opinions on any of it… Just as well, we'll all be going off the school next fall anyway."

"Spencer, they're practically your sisters…" he took a moment. "Is this about me?"

"Toby, stop…"

"They're scared of me."

"Toby, you're not… they're… I'm not scared of you." She tried to pull him back into her body. He was stiff. He was quiet.

_I knew this was too good to be true. You don't deserve her, Toby. She could never let you into her world. You could never be apart of that world. Agh, how could I be so stupid? I should go home. She should go home too. Back to our respective worlds that were never meant to cross. _Toby internally sulked. _You're a monster, a murderer. You're only going to hurt her. You need to get out of this. _Toby beat himself up to the point of torture every time he thought about that night. And again every time someone crossed to the other side of the street when he walked by. He was starting to believe he was as dangerous as they'd all pegged him to be.

"Toby… come on, it's not like that. They're just confused because I just haven't been very pleasant lately… with Ian, and my parents and Melissa visiting from London to do some work with my mom here…" she stopped. Toby flinched when he heard Ian and Melissa's names. It was now Spencer's turn to run her fingers through his hair.

"Toby, there is _nothing_ wrong with you." She grazed over his arm, but he pulled away.

"I shouldn't have come out tonight," he mumbled. "You're going to get into trouble because of me…taking you out here."

"I asked you to. I'm not going to get into trouble. And if I did it would be my fault, not yours."

"I'm bad for you."

"I think that that's for me to decide." She whispered, her face close to his. He felt her breath on his lips again, like when they'd first kissed.

He just looked away. "You're right, I'm sorry. Are you feeling better?" He looked back up into her eyes. She was folded up in a ball now, her arms pulling her knees into her chest.

"Much…" she stood, and extended her hand to help him up. "We should get in your car before we get sick, though." She removed his sweater from around her and went to give it back, but he pushed her arm away. "It's cold, put it on."

She listened and they got into his car. "Toby, if you want to talk… I want you to feel like you can talk to me, too. I keep complaining to you… you should be able to talk to someone, too."

"I know… but I'm okay."

"I mean that." She put her hand on his thigh. "I don't understand…why people are so afraid of you."

"You were." He said softly. "After Ali disappeared."

"I'm not proud of that Toby." Her eyes welled up a bit. "I let everyone else convince me… but I know that you wouldn't…"

"The bell tower," he choked out, again, just above a whisper.

"Toby…"

"I know, I know. I saved you, blah blah blah." He exhaled loudly, but then let out a small chuckle. "I know you aren't scared anymore." He wanted to block out the bell tower and Ian and Ali and all of the craziness. "But if you've felt it before… you can see why everyone else does."

"That doesn't make them right. If I could take it back…"

"I know." He nodded.

"Toby, look at me."

He did, his ocean eyes shining, moist; his expression dull and sad behind the chuckle.

She kissed him when he faced her, and then she turned to buckle her seatbelt, biting her lip. She didn't give him an explanation. She could sense he didn't want to talk anymore, but wanted him to know that she, on some level, understood him. She cared for him.

"What was that for?" He touched his lip. She just smiled at him.

"I should probably get home… if you don't mind dropping me off." She let her hand rest on his thigh once more.

He chuckled again, at her weird behavior and that she was such a mystery, and yet she allowed herself to be open and vulnerable with him, and only him.

He drove her home and turned off his lights down her street, just in case. He stayed there until he saw her disappear around her house, and then wave to him from her bedroom window moments later.

He felt like she was magic, and he was scared to hurt her. He wanted to be the bigger person and walk away to protect her, but like an addict he couldn't bring himself to give her up. Not quite yet.

xx

The next morning, Spencer woke up late. She loved Saturdays where she could sleep in, even though she was usually overcome with guilt once she'd realized she'd wasted a whole day.

She checked her phone and didn't have anything from Toby, but had a missed call from Emily, two texts from Hanna, and one from Aria. They all begged her to come meet them at the boutique for the plans they had previously made to pick out dresses for the dance-a-thon.

She sighed heavily, but decided to go and meet them anyway.

As soon as she walked in, all of their faces lit up. They were sitting in the area outside the changing rooms, and Emily was standing there in a mid-length, fitted yellow dress.

"I'm not up to any arguing this morning," she said straight away, removing her coat.

"It's okay, we all figured it out. You're just being all Spencer, we trust that you have a plan."

"What…" she trailed off, interrupted by Hanna.

"Yeah, like some genius 'sleeping with the enemy' scheme… pretty hot if you ask me. Way more brazen than I ever pegged you for." She smiled and hip-bumped Spencer.

Spencer was bright red. Aria made a face. "Hanna! You are ridiculous… Spencer… but you were a, I mean you're still a… I mean you're not actually sleeping with Toby are you? Because handing out your v-card to the enemy is intense even for you."

"Can we just not talk about Toby anymore?" She screeched over her friend. "I'm not sleeping with anybody. Not that that's the issue right now. Toby's a good guy, okay. There is no plan, he's my friend. Can you all just accept that? He didn't kill Ali. Ian did. I've been trying to tell you guys that for months!" She left out the part about Toby in the bell tower.

They were all silent, until Emily butted in. "If you trust him, I trust him… but more importantly, how do you like this dress?" She spun.

Spencer laughed, and Hanna put her arm around her as she sat down next to her. "Beautiful, Em." Spencer smiled.

"That color is SO perfect for your skin tone," Hanna chimed in.

"So, you're happy… I mean, you like hanging out with Toby?" Aria asked slowly, trying not to get Spencer upset again.

"He's a really nice guy. We have more in common than you think. He just needs someone to give him a chance."

She beamed while she was talking about him. Hanna wasn't too bright, but was an expert when it came to boys, and could see it in Spencer's eyes.

"You _like_ him."

"Oh stop, we're just friends." Spencer blushed.

"Friends don't sleep over with friends and then blush about it." Hanna squinted at her friend, causing her cheeks to turn an even deeper shade of red.

"So are you going to bring him to the dance-a-thon?" Emily smiled excitedly.

Spencer just laughed. "Oh no, get this. My parents are picking my date… a Princeton boy."

"College boys are so yummy," Hanna smiled.

"It's not like that." Spencer's eyes narrowed, her tone harshened. "They are insistent on me getting in with this legacy family and being a Princeton prodigy like all of them… and I really, _really_ don't want to go there. I don't want to be Melissa's shadow anymore."

Aria rubbed her back. "Well, it'll work out."

"At least find out if this Todd guy is cute first." Hanna smirked, and Spencer nudged her.

"You need help. Truly." Spencer joked, happy to have finally been honest with her friends.

"I'm just saying!" Hanna smiled. "But if you want to bring Toby, I think you should just go for it. Ditch Princeton boy. If you really don't want to go to Princeton, you've got nothing to lose."

"I've got a lot more to lose than I think I even realize. But you're right. I should take who I want to the dance. I mean I'm on the board, I may as well enjoy the dance I've planned."

"So we get to see you with Toby?" Hanna squealed.

"My GOD Hanna, we aren't dating… I never even said I would ask him."

"Then why are you blushing again?" Hanna teased.

Spencer just pushed her friend. "Come on, help me find a dress." She stood and started rummaging through the racks.


	5. Closer

Spencer had been busy with school and obligations at the club over the course of the week since buying her dress on Saturday, as well as helping her mother prepare to send the last of Melissa's belongings back to London with her, since Melissa and Spencer were barely on speaking terms since the accident.

Toby had been keeping busy too. He was scheduled to get his degree in February, and it was his hope to get a job and leave Rosewood shortly after that.

Spencer and Toby didn't see each other again until the following Thursday, their scheduled time for French tutoring. But that didn't mean that they hadn't been talking. They had learned each other's nightly routines and every night at just about 11:25 p.m., they would sit in their respective beds, both secretly wishing to be sharing a bed once more, and they would play their Words With Friends challenges, all the while chatting as well. It was their quirky little thing.

When she arrived on Thursday for tutoring, she felt oddly nervous. She adjusted her jacket while she waited for him to come to the door, and smiled big when he finally did.

"You look good today," she smiled. He was wearing a flannel open over a dirty t-shirt, ripped up jeans, and work boots. He was still a bit sweaty.

"Very funny," he closed the door behind her and followed her downstairs to his space. "I was working all afternoon, I just got home. I wanted to make sure I would be here for you." He brushed his hair back and sat on his couch.

"No, you really do look good… you look happy." She wanted to tell him the sweaty, dirty muscle look wasn't hurting, either. "You got a job? Where?"

"I used to help out on a worksite not far out of town in Ravenswood, but they had too many guys and I got cut. They lost a few guys who moved up to management, so I'm helping out again. It's a really good opportunity. Working with my hands is what I'm good at, and it's hard work, but it'll help me get out of here faster once I get my degree, and…" he was into it, talking with his hands really passionately. "And you really don't care about construction at all, so I'll stop." He looked up at her.

"No, I like hearing about it. I'm so happy for you. Congratulations!" She realized she looked like she was daydreaming, but she was just fixated on him. His ocean eyes. After Friday night at the dock, she was thinking a lot about him, about the kiss she'd been compelled to give him, how the night previous to that wasn't a one time kissing thing. About how the water was her calm place and his eyes were little pools of their own. They were having the same effect on her. And then she realized he was talking about leaving. She didn't want him to leave. "Maybe you could try to tell me more, in French." She offered, tossing aside the textbook.

They talked in French and went through all the necessary exercises, but instead of using textbook examples, she used his interests and the conversations about his new job.

They finished shortly, and Spencer pulled out more textbooks and notebooks. "I don't need tutoring in anything else, Spence… I'm too tired to learn anymore, my brain hurts…" he whined, throwing himself onto his bed.

"I know," she opened her notebook and sat in a pretzel next to his bed, using the coffee table as a desk.

"So what are you doing? Do _you _need help with your physics, Miss Hastings?" He teased.

"No!" she got defensive on instinct, causing a chuckle to erupt from his mouth.

"I'm just teasing, Spence."

"I just figured I might do my homework here." She looked up from her notebook.

"Why?" he squinted at her in confusion.

"Well, I, uhm. Don't laugh."

"I'm not…" he sat up, holding his pillow close to him to leverage him up.

"I just realized, over the week, since I haven't seen you… that I, uh… I would have liked to see you before now. I like being here… and I like being with you. And the Hastings house isn't really my safe place to land right now… Melissa's moving the rest of her stuff and my parents are wrapped up in her, and they think I have an attitude problem, and… here is good." She realized she was rambling.

"Okay." She shrugged, and pulled a magazine from his night table.

She narrowed her eyes, wondering what he was thinking. Did he want her here?

"Toby!" She whined. He laughed, immediately able to read her thoughts without her spiting out a single word, and reached over to pull her up towards him. She hoisted herself up onto the bed and sat on the edge, pouting.

"Oh stop, you know I missed you." He scooped her up closer to him. "And this house has never felt more like my safe place than it has with you here with me." He pressed his forehead against hers, making eye contact. It was her turn to feel his breath on her lips, only he did not kiss her, he teased her with the closeness instead.

_Am I dating Toby? _She wondered silently. She let it go and pulled her books from the table and did his homework up against him, as he read his magazine.

Once she finished, she shut her books and shoved them in her bag. He stood up. "So, I'm guessing you have to go, right?"

"Not yet," she sat back down, and smiled. "I wanted to talk to you before I left, though."

"I'm listening." He sat next to her on the edge of his bed.

"Uhm, well…a week from Saturday. Any chance you're around?"

"I'm always here…what's up?"

"Well… I'm planning the dance-a-thon, and… I was wondering if you would go with me. You don't have to buy a tux or even a suit or anything… it's for charity and I know dances are lame, but…" she started her nervous ramble before he shut her up with a kiss.

She smiled as he pulled his lips from hers. "Sooo, that's a yes?" She perked up.

"Just tell me what color to wear, so I can match you." He smiled at her goofy excitement.

"My dress is black, so anything you want." She pulled her hair back out of her face and into a knot behind her head.

"I'm looking forward to it." He smiled.

"Me too." She smiled, and settled back down in his arms and let him continue to read his magazine while she scrolled on her phone. They were content just to be in each others' company.

xx

Spencer came over the following day to do her homework next to him again, and spent her weekend holed up with him, too. They barely kissed, they only needed the simplest of touching and contact and above all, each other's company.

She had barely seen her friends since they'd picked out their dresses together, aside from classes and the occasional after school trip to The Brew.

It was now Friday, and the dance was tomorrow. The girls were all at their lockers after their last classes, and talking about the plan, where they'd get ready, etc. "You're still coming, right, Spencer?" Hanna slammed her locker shut.

"Of course I am…"

"Well we didn't hear from you, so we didn't know. You've been MIA the past week. Are you still mad at us, Spence?" Aria asked.

"Not mad. Just busy." She said shortly, looking at her phone waiting to see if Toby was going to be home soon from work. The girls all exchanged looks, knowing their friend was not herself, and was not really listening.

"Did you end up asking Toby to the dance? Or are you going with that Todd character?"

"I'm going with Toby…" She smiled just saying his name.

"How'd your parents take it?" Hanna prodded.

"They don't know. They left for London last night to meet Melissa and help her settle in and to see her new flat, and see the firm she's working at over there since they'll want to be partnering where they can." She sighed. "They won't be back until next week around this time. By then they'll have forgotten the dance even happened." She shut her locker.

"Well, you'll come get ready with us, right? We'll all be decorating here in the morning so we'll see you then for sure… but then we're eating at Hanna's and getting ready and leaving from there." Emily said, hopefully.

"I'll be there." Spencer agreed, before going off her own way to go and meet Toby.

xx

Spencer spent the night at Toby's that night, and this time they kissed for even longer than last time - if that was even possible. They would break to talk about sweet little things, before crashing lips over and over again. He kissed her like his life depended on it. She kissed back with the same fury.

The next morning she stood in his corner, changing out of his shirt that she'd borrowed from the night before, and into her clothes from yesterday. She kept her back turned to him while she changed, but didn't feel as self conscious as she would have even a week ago. He came behind her as she stood in his room in her bra and jeans. He was respectful and tried not to look, but came over unable to help himself. It was earlier than he'd have liked to get up, and he was still in a sleepy, cuddly mood.

He reached around her from behind and pulled her into him, her bare back leaning up against his bare chest. He leaned his head into the nook of her neck and laid a trail of kisses from her neck across the top of her shoulder. The skin to skin contact that she had never had before sent shivers down her whole body and she jumped a bit. He just chuckled. "Can't you stay," he whined.

She felt goose bumps form where he had been kissing her. "You know I would love to, but I have to get to the school to decorate for tonight." She smiled, grabbing her denim shirt and buttoning it from the bottom up.

"If you say so," he buried his head into her neck again, teasing her with his lips grazing her skin. She pulled away. "Stop it, you know I want to be lazy with you all day… but I can't." she held his hands, facing him. "But we'll be together tonight," she smiled, rocking up onto her tiptoes.

"I can't wait. I'm sure you'll look beautiful," he got closer to her so their noses touched.

"And I was thinking… my parents are in London until next week… maybe we could stay at my house tonight. I mean, what's a girl like me need a whole big house to herself for… all week…" she trailed off.

"Are you sure they don't have some surveillance system spying on you or something? Come on, we're safe here." He was scared to go into that house, especially since Ian had once lived there too.

"For that they'd have to remember I was home," she muttered. "I want you to come." She so badly wanted him to be part of her world, as he had invited her so openly into his. "We can talk about this later but I realllllllyyyyy have to go." She dragged out her words for emphasis, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you tonight… 8 o' clock." She kissed him before running out.

He watched her go. She was always running out like that, always in a hurry. It made him laugh because she was so crazy and cute. He fell back onto his bed, thinking and worrying and getting excited about the night to follow.

xx

Spencer arrived at the school with her hair falling out of the knot atop her head, twenty minutes late, and without coffee.

"Sorry I'm late," she ran over to her friends and joined them hanging streamers.

"She's wearing the same clothes as yesterday," Hanna announced proudly while the other girls glared at her.

"V-card is still in tact," Spencer rolled her eyes, knowing where Hanna was going. "I just was in a rush this morning, my alarm didn't go off. Who do you think I am you guys?" She smirked, laughing.

They didn't say another word about it, but her friends didn't buy it. Everytime she wasn't around, they would chatter about what was going on, and how even though they were happy she was happy, they were still concerned that she was falling for Toby Cavanaugh, unable to fathom how he had gone from monster to love interest in such a short period of time. They were afraid she was going to get hurt, that he was using her.

They got ready, and met all of their dates at the dance. Aria and Emily claimed to be each other's dates, although Emily was eyeing Paige, who had come with a family friend, and Aria was sneaking off with Ezra, who had volunteered as chaperone. Hanna of course had Caleb, and Spencer patiently waited for Toby. He still wasn't there.

She stood on the side, constantly refreshing her messages waiting to see where Toby was. She was half sad, and half worried that something had happened.

"Spencer?" A tall, blonde, only somewhat familiar figure came in front of her, suddenly casting a shadow over her phone.

She looked up and it clicked – Todd. She forgot to tell him not to come; her mother had invited him despite Spencer making a fuss not to.

"Todd…" she said, mostly anxiously. Her friends were all staring from different sides of the room, trying to figure out if Spencer had been tricking them the whole time with the Toby thing, or if this was part of his plan to hurt her, or if their good friend had become some sort of she-devil.

"Well, you've grown up," he smiled a goofy smile, looking her up and down in her shorter black and gold form fitting dress. It was simple and poised yet had an edge to it, very much like her. He was clearly undressing her with his eyes, and it made her a bit uncomfortable.

"You too," she laughed nervously. "Look, I'm sorry my mother bothered you and got you to come down here…" she was interrupted by him putting his hand on the wall beside her, consequently leaning in towards her and trapping her between his body and the wall.

"That's quite alright, it was certainly worth the trip," he said, putting a hand on her chin. With him this close to her she could smell the vodka on his lips, He was acting this way because he was a sloppy, horny drunk.

"Todd, I have a date. I meant to cancel," she said, trying to push him off, but he was a rock that she couldn't budge.

"I don't see any date," he smiled. "Come on, Spencer. We'll have fun… remember how much fun we used to have when we were kids?" He drunkenly smiled, his eyes turning into narrow slits. He kept one hand near her head, balancing himself against the wall and her body, and put the other on her thigh, inching towards the hem of her dress.

"You're drunk, get off of me!" She yelled in his face, digging the heel of her hand into his shoulder.

"Shut up, you dumb whore. You're going to make a scene," he growled

She was scared and wished Toby was there. Or someone. But everyone was too busy dancing, and it was dark, and from far away it looked like they were a couple. No one knew to pull him away.

xx

Toby walked in in a frenzy, feeling guilty he'd run late. He got called onto the worksite and ended up having to stay longer than he'd expected.

But when he walked in, he spotted all of Spencer's friends – but no Spencer. He awkwardly turned to the punch bowl, his social anxiety telling him to leave, but his loyalty to Spencer telling him to stick around a little while, knowing she had to be here somewhere. He waited for fifteen minutes before deciding he would rather wait in the car, or maybe even the hallway. There were too many people in there, all of which stared at him like he had sprouted a second head.

_Did she stand me up? Is she okay? She was so excited this morning… was her car in the lot? Where could she be? _Toby was worrying about her now, and stopped caring about anyone who was looking at him funny – he just wanted Spencer safe in his arms.

He was on his way out to check his phone, which he'd left in his backpack in his trunk, when he heard a familiar sound.

"Spencer?" he squinted, looking around the dark room furiously. He couldn't mistake the singsong tone of her voice, but he couldn't find it.

Suddenly he saw her, standing there looking sexy as hell pushed up against another dude…

_What?! _Toby thought angrily, with feelings of betrayal, anger, jealousy, and confusion all racing through him. Toby felt like he was going to explode; he needed to get out of there.

A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for reading/reviewing. Please keep your comments coming so I know if I'm taking the story in the right direction and so i know what you guys would like to see more of! The dance will continue in the next chapter. Will todd take advantage of spencer, will toby leave? it will be posted soon! :D


	6. Finally

_a/n: thank you all for being patient! I know I was updating this very quickly prior to this, but I am at the tail-end of midterms and just had time to write this chapter. I also just published a new story, PRETEND, which has gotten so much love already! If you haven't checked that out, please consider doing so. But anyway, back to QUITE LIKE YOU. I have so many ideas for this story and I am so excited to share, but it seems that as I go on I am getting less feedback. If you want me to continue this, please please please review and message me so I know i am not only writing this for myself. I love this chapter and the next one will be up soon as it is two parts of the same night and would have been published as one if i didnt think it was too long. ENJOY!_

xx

"One of us should go over there," Aria said defiantly, putting her cup down hard on the refreshment table.

The girls were all congregated by the punch spying on Spencer and the mystery guy she was pressed up against in the corner.

"If she's under him in a corner, she probably wants some privacy. I say 'Go, Spencer!'" That girl has _got _to get laid." Hanna sipped her own drink from her purse, trying to be discreet about her vodka-filled flask.

"Okay, enough for you." Emily said, snatching the bag, along with the flask inside, from Hanna. Hanna growled, but let her friend take it. "I'm just saying," Hanna defended herself.

"She was so excited about going with Toby. I just don't understand." Emily put her hands on her hips.

"We were also skeptical about him, though. Maybe this is good." Aria said, sounding more like she was trying to convince herself than anything else.

"Look, Spencer has good judgment. Let her have fun, and we should do the same. We'll get the dirt later. But if she wants to get frisky with two different guys, let her. It's…scandalous." Hanna raised her eyebrows with a smirk making its way across her face.

"You're right. Spencer deserves to have fun tonight." Aria smile, grabbing Emily's hand as she nodded along her. She pulled Emily back to dance just as Caleb came and whisked Hanna away by her hips.

On the other side of the dance floor, Toby crushed his cup, more angry and jealous than he'd ever felt. He didn't know what came over him, but didn't have enough time to think before he acted.

"What do you think you're doing?" He growled as he approached the couple in the corner.

"Toby," Spencer exclaimed "It's not what it looks like…I was trying to tell him I had a date," she turned to look Todd in the face, spitting the word "date" at him angrily.

"Shut up," Todd squinted, and Toby pushed him away from Spencer by the shoulder.

"I wasn't talking to you Spencer. I was talking to this slimeball." He turned his attention towards the drunken idiot who had stumbled backwards a few steps when Toby pushed him before regaining his balance and coming back forward towards them. This time, his target was Toby.

"Don't you ever speak to her that way again. EVER. In fact, don't speak to her at all. And definitely don't touch her ever again." Toby spoke slowly, sternly. He had his hand on Todd's chest as Todd came at him trying to hit him, but Toby was strong enough to hold him back. Spencer was almost scared of this side of Toby, except she was also so grateful and turned on by his protectiveness.

"Your girl's a tease." Todd nodded at Spencer, looking Toby in the eyes.

"You entitled prick. She isn't a tease. You had no right to touch her like that!" Toby yelled louder this time, gaining the attention of some of the other students.

"Toby, it isn't worth it." Spencer hooked her arm around his, leaning on his shoulder. "Let's just get away from him."

Todd rolled his eyes before storming out of the gym, making sure to shove past Toby on the way out.

Spencer felt Toby's whole body tense up when Todd pushed into him. "Toby, don't." she calmly put her hand on his chest, knowing that if she didn't get in his way, he would probably go after Todd again.

"Are you alright?" He sounded more concerned than she'd ever heard him. She saw his eyes checking her up and down for any sense of injury.

"I'm fine. That was the guy my mom wanted me to go with. He showed up drunk and just got frisky because I told him I was waiting on someone so much more handsome," she smiled, trying to calm Toby down with her lightness.

"I hate that he was touching you like that. He didn't _touch_ you, did he?" Panic was written all over Toby's face.

Spencer couldn't help but really like that. Even though that was selfish of her. "Calm down," she pushed him lightly into the wall she had been compressed against just a few moments earlier. "I'm fine. He didn't. I would have kneed him in the crotch if he had gone any further than he had. But I didn't have to because you came." She was playing with his tie, her hand trailing up and down his chest, playfully; teasingly. "You're always saving me." She looked up at him, her eyes partly vulnerable, partly lustful.

"I just got so mad when I saw him on you. I mean, it occurred to me that you might have been into him… but I didn't _care. _I still hated it." He admitted.

"Awwwwww… you were jealous." She giggled up at him, her fingers leaping up to his shoulder, and then cupping the side of his face, her thumb resting just in front of his ear. His scruff tickled her hand a bit.

"Stop," he looked away from her, clearly flushed.

She put her other hand to his face, making her face him. He was going to argue, but she quickly rocked up onto her tip-toes and aggressively kissed him. At first, he was taken aback, but soon, he settled into the passion-filled kiss. Her tongue swept across his lips before finding their way inside of his mouth, causing a jolt of excitement in him. He pulled her closer, his hands on her back, holding her against him. She had her hands in his hair, pulling him so close to her that he thought she would swallow him whole if she could. She'd never kissed him like that before. No one had ever kissed him like that, actually.

"Spencer," he pulled away, breathless. "Everyone can see us." He was flushed, partially from the way she had just attacked him, but mostly because he was embarrassed, and scared of embarrassing her. She was popular, and he was nothing but trouble.

"I know." She smiled goofily at him before pulling him into another long kiss. She leaned her pelvis forward, trapping him against the wall and pressing her body hard against his. She had been nervous when Todd was touching her, but wanted nothing more than to feel Toby on every inch of her skin. Truthfully, she wasn't even that nervous when Todd touched her. Because somewhere inside of her she knew that Toby would come and save her. And now she never wanted to leave his arms.

"Spencer," he stopped the kissing again.

She pouted as he pulled away, "quit it." She leaned forward to kiss him again, but he put his hands on her hips, holding her a few inches away from him, causing her pout to exaggerate itself. He couldn't help but laugh. She was very cute.

She hit his shoulder. "Why are you laughing you weirdo?" Her eyebrows furrowed.

"Because you're very cute. But Spencer, if you don't stop kissing me like that, we're going to have a few problems because firstly, if you keep kissing me like that, I'm afraid you might swallow me whole," he chuckled, and she blushed a bit. "And secondly, if you don't stop kissing me like that, I don't know if I'll be able to control myself… and I don't think it's appropriate to be thinking about what would happen while we're at a fundraiser for children…" he smirked, mostly joking, although he was frankly quite turned on, and though he ultimately respected her much more than that, he'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about what it would be like to have sex with Spencer Hastings, especially after the way she kissed him with the heat of the sun and pushed her pelvis right up against him.

"Well, then maybe we should…leave." She swallowed hard, the look on her face was serious and lustful and he couldn't tell if he was crazy, or if she was hinting at all of the things he was feeling guilty to be thinking about.

He wasn't sure of anything. So he just laughed. "I think you need to cool off." He smirked.

"I'm serious," he pushed into him again, nibbling at his ear. He felt her breath on his neck and he couldn't take it. He pushed her hips back again, and then grabbed her hand.

"We're dancing." He announced, pulling her into the crowd.

"You told me you hate to dance." She pouted, not sure if she was being rejected or respected.

"Well I've never danced with Spencer Hastings. I might like that." He said with a slight smile.

She laughed back. They danced casually alongside all of the other Rosewood couples. They laughed and laughed at the ridiculous moves they would each one-up each other with.

_God, she is beautiful. She is literally dancing like a chicken right now and she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen._ Toby thought, completely lost in watching her. In fact, he was so caught up that he didn't notice the song had switched to a slow song until he felt Spencer's small frame tightly pressed against him again, her head on his shoulder, her breath hot on his neck again.

"I don't know about you, but I am having a wonderful time dancing with Toby Cavanaugh." She beamed, leaning backwards to see his face. His hands had found their way around her in his daydream state, lightly resting on her back.

"I am actually having a really good time." He smiled, but then looked more serious. "Before I start, let me get this out before you attack me again." He smiled a little bit at the memory of her untamed lustful actions committed on his lips earlier. "I'm sorry for getting so jealous back there. I mean I know I had nothing to be jealous of… you have every right to…" he struggled with his words, but she swayed with him to the music very consciously, looking at him wide-eyed, without interruption, waiting for him to gather his thoughts. This was something that was very difficult for a fast-paced perfectionist like Spencer. "It's not like I'm your…I just wanted to make sure you were alright." He sighed heavily.

She kissed him, only this time really softly and slowly. When she pulled away, she was met with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Is that your new response to everything? Not that I'm complaining…" he grinned like the big goof he was.

"You may not be my…_person_." She started, beating around the word 'boyfriend' just as he had previously, like it was bad luck to utter it. "But it doesn't mean that I wouldn't like it." Her cheeks grew red. "You do know you mean very much to me, don't you, Toby Cavanaugh?" She spoke very slowly.

He was a little bit confused, and a little bit shocked. Was she calling him her boyfriend? But she was _Spencer Hastings._ Hastings and Cavanaugh didn't mix… _But God, if I had the courage… just ask her. She basically just said that she would say yes. Why are you so afraid? The girl kisses you like you're a source of oxygen and you still think she's too good for you? _Toby battled with himself, all the while still holding her very close.

Spencer broke the silence. She wasn't offended. She could see he needed to process. "After all, I wouldn't kiss you like that if you weren't at least kinda okay." She smirked. He smiled back, pressing his forehead against hers.

She just smiled before pushing past his cheek to bury her head in the nook of his neck. It wasn't the seclusion of his basement apartment, she decided, but it was himself that was her safe place.

Neither one of them had realized that they were at the center of the dance floor by now, and everyone in the room had their eyes on them. Besides Hanna, Emily and Aria, no one else knew that Spencer was hanging around Toby. And no one, somewhat including Spencer's posse, really knew what to make of it. But honestly, neither one cared.

The night was a turning point for them. It wasn't just fun anymore, the kissing between tutoring sessions and the late night excursions. Maybe it never was just fun. She felt this carnal need inside of her to consume all of him. And for once, Spencer Hastings was stumped. What she had yet to realize was that she was falling in love.

xx

Since Spencer was part of the committee that had set up the dance, it was expected that she stay until the end and help clean up. Aria was the head of the committee, since Ezra was the faculty adviser, and Hanna and Emily had also helped out.

The girls had pretty much done their own thing after they quit spying on Spencer and Todd, so had pretty much missed Spencer and Toby's moment in the middle of the dance floor. Emily had finally found it in her to dance with Paige, Hanna was drunk, and Aria had snuck off in the bathroom with Fitz. But as they cleaned, they noticed Toby closely following Spencer's every move, as if he was ready to catch her at any moment were she to fall. Every time Spencer would turn around too quickly, she would be met with Toby's face being _very_ close to hers, and they would just giggle before she continued. The girls all just looked at each other, smiling and confused; they couldn't wait to hear Spencer's story another day.

Toby felt the girls eyeing him. "Can I do anything?" He rubbed his hands together.

"Actually, we've got it…why don't you and Spencer just leave. She was here early, and there isn't much left." Aria smiled.

Spencer glared at her friends before taking their deal, knowing she'd have a lot to explain later. She loved her friends, but she was hesitant to talk to them – she didn't want to jinx anything, or for them to ruin for her what was making her so happy by saying something insensitive.

Before Toby could object since he was such a helpful and gentle guy, Spencer grabbed his arm and howled "Goooodniiiiight" at her friends as they ran from the room.

"I told you guys she needed some –" Hanna smiled before Emily and Aria both rolled their eyes and walked away form her.

xx

Spencer walked out with him to his car. "Take me home?" She smiled.

"What about your car?"

"I want to ride home with you." She pouted.

He sighed heavily. "Well then I'm driving your car home. I don't want you stuck tomorrow, or for anything to happen to your car here overnight. All you need is some drunk idiot to leave the gym and come scratch up your car."

Toby put his hand out, waiting for her to drop her keys.

"You really do worry a lot." She laughed, getting into her car with him.

They pulled up in front of her house and he walked her to the door. "Thank you for inviting me tonight," he smiled and kissed her head. "Goodnight, Spencer." He said as she turned the key to open her door.

"What do you think you're doing?" She said as she opened her storm door.

"It's late."

"Which is why you're staying here with me." She smiled, pulling him inside, her eyes wild as they'd been during her kissing fit.

Toby gulped hard. What was he getting himself in to?


	7. Home Is

_A/N: I told you guys I would post this quickly! It was written as part of the last chapter, but it was just too long to not split into two. The two go together. This scene is a bit mature, but is not crude or graphic. This is mostly a fluff chapter, but is very very important in Spoby's future. Enjoy and please keep reviewing! I'm astounded at how fast the last upload got views and comments! I love you all!_

xx

Toby's eyes nervously darted around the room, looking at all of the photos and plaques that covered the walls, the barely lived-in pristine look of the furniture and knick-knacks, as if he had just stepped into a Potter Barn catalog.

Spencer laughed, shutting the door and turning the lock before grabbing his hand again, pulling him down onto the couch he had just been gawking at; he had been sure that the couch was just for show by how well kept it looked.

"Would you quit looking like you just saw a ghost?" Spencer nudged him, sitting on the edge of the couch as she slipped off her high heels. "No one's here, I promise." She cooed. "Just you and me…" the corners of her lips creeping up towards a smile.

"I just… I feel like I'm intruding." He loosened his tie.

"You aren't." She put her hand on his knee, and then pushed off of it to leverage herself as she stood up. "Wait here, I have an idea." She disappeared into the kitchen.

_This is like a scene out of the Stepford Wives, _Toby scanned the room again. There were many photos of Melissa and her parents, but not too many of Spencer. _It's hard to believe she really lives here. She's so different from this kind. _ Toby tried to settle.

Spencer hopped back into the room carrying two empty wine glasses in one hand, and a full bottle with a corkscrew in the other. "You need to calm down." She said, smiling while holding up the bottle. "You drink, right?" She said sitting on the edge of the couch, not waiting for his response as she dug the corkscrew into the cork.

"Spencer, are you trying to break every rule tonight? Your parents are going to be so pissed." He said, amazed that he was watching the perfect, goody-two shoes Spencer Hastings breaking so many rules. Or that he was even hanging out with her, in her house.

"We have a full bar downstairs. They won't notice. The girls and I do it all the time." She insisted. "There's beer and liquor too, if this isn't your thing." She offered as she pulled the cork from the bottle using most of her upper body strength and pouring herself a generous glass.

"This is fine," he nodded as she held the bottle over his empty glass, and she poured him a generous helping of the white wine.

She leaned into his chest, putting her feet up on the couch, and took a large sip of wine.

"I wish every day could be like this," she stared up at the ceiling, feeling him playing with her long hair in his lap. She leaned her head backwards to see his eyes. He still looked nervous.

"Come on, Toby," she sat up. "Drink, relax… be _here. _With _me."_ She pleaded. "I _need_ you," she said sensually, barely above a whisper, as she set down her glass to undo his tie.

He swallowed hard and took a long sip of his wine. "I'm here." He pulled her close to him, and she reached out for her glass again.

She used a remote control to turn on their electric fireplace and turn on the radio. She settled back into his arms in a position where he could continue to play with her hair. It soothed her. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, interrupted by small kisses, sweet nothings, and whispered compliments and thoughts as they quickly went through the entire bottle of wine. Toby's empty glass was on her table, and he now used the hand that had been holding his glass to pull her closer to him. She had put her glass down on the floor next to the couch after taking a long last sip, trying to get every drop.

"I'm so lucky to have you here tonight." She slurred, drawing tiny circles on the arm he had wrapped around her with the side of her thumb.

"You're drunk." He smiled goofily. She spun in his arms so she was laying on her stomach now, her chin resting on his lap, looking up at him.

"No, you're drunk. I'm…just so happy you're here." She smiled so big that her eyes were halfway closed.

"If you say so," Toby smiled at her, he had drunk less than her and was obviously bigger than her, so could hold more alcohol.

"I'm serious." She insisted, sitting up. "I've been wanting this. For you to be here."

"Well you got your wish." He smiled.

"Not all of it," she smiled devilishly.

"Oh, really?" He smirked, wondering what absurdity the cute, drunk brunette would conjure up.

"Mmmhhmmmmmmm." she bit her lip. She was on her knees now next to him, her hands on his shoulder for support.

"I _need_ you," Spencer whispered right in his ear. This time, it sounded much more lustful than it had the first time she said it. He wasn't sure what was going on. What she wanted. He had had sex with his fair share of girls while he was away at reform school. They were all rough, drunk, quick, and without feeling. He had only ever had somewhat meaningful sex with Jenna, but then his father married Jenna's mother and the relationship was ruined. But even that didn't compare to the intimacy he felt… the closeness he wanted to feel…with Spencer. He wasn't proud of his past, but he wondered about hers. Was this something she did often? Or was this special and new for her, too?

At this moment, he didn't care. She had effectively driven him pretty close to his edge with the raspy, tipsy, longing voice in his ear. Never mind all of the kissing and touching that had taken place earlier that evening. Or the electricity between even the grazing of skin for the weeks prior.

He pulled her to his face, and she swung her leg over his lap to straddle his waist. Immediately, her hands went to his face, pulling him in to deep kiss after deep kiss. Once again, she had left behind the awkward, snarky, poised Spencer he knew for this animalistic, lustful, tiger-like Spencer. He had to admit he equally enjoyed both sides of her.

She moved her hands up through his hair, holding on as she pushed her tongue farther into his mouth, opening her mouth a bit wider to accommodate him. She pulled away from the kiss long enough to grin eagerly and dangerously at him before burying her head in his neck, trailing her hands down to unbutton his shirt. As she undid button after button, she slid his shirt off of his shoulders and let her lips follow his shirt as she left sharp, biting kisses down his neck and across the top of his shoulder, leaving her mark in the form of love bites and bruises from how hard she was biting. He could barely contain himself. When she finally got a moan to escape his mouth, she kissed back up his neck and across his jawline towards his ear, where she nibbled at his earlobe once more. "_I want you to touch me," _ She said in a barely audible whisper-moan so close to his ear that the heat from her words lingered even after her lips returned to his neck.

"Jesus Christ, Spencer," He didn't mean to say it out loud, but he couldn't help it. His hands grazed her upper back, slowly moving down towards her hips. She reached back and grabbed one of his hands and moved it to her thigh, dangerously close to touching the bare skin just underneath the hem of her dress. Her hands pressed into his chest and slowly went down to his abs. She moved on to start kissing his chest, her hands at his sides underneath the unbuttoned shirt. She started to grind against him, rocking her hips in a circular motion over his lap, pushing hard into him. Her dress had ridden up from all of her movement, and he could tell it was only her underwear at this point rubbing against the front of his pants, and her movement had caused the hand he had on her thigh to be fully touching bare skin underneath her skirt.

This only ensued for about seven minutes before Spencer started to feel his pants grow quite a bit tighter underneath her. She smiled into the kiss as their lips pressed together, feeling quite proud that she'd gotten the reaction. Of all the nights they'd spent kissing and sleeping next to one another, she hadn't ever felt him that way.

He pulled his lips away from hers slowly, as she was biting on his bottom lip, not quite ready to give him up yet. His hands moved up to her hips and he grabbed them tightly to stop their gyration, all while looking into her eyes as he caught his breath. She just bit her lip, smiling devilishly.

"We should stop, Spencer." His words surprised her.

"You can't tell me you aren't enjoying this," she smirked, her eyes flickering down for a moment to his lap, still feeling him pressed against her thigh.

"That's exactly why we should stop." His cheeks burnt red. "We shouldn't do this. Not like this."

"My parents won't come in, I promise." She looked at him longingly.

"That's not it… If we… do this. It should be special. And you should remember it in the morning." He put his hand to her cheek sweetly, holding her face like it was made of porcelain.

She removed herself from his lap, but he scooped her up close. "Why don't we go to bed… we can kiss and cuddle like we always do. I'll play with your hair until you fall asleep," he offered.

"Fine," she pulled on his hand. "But you're not wearing a shirt," she insisted. She had expressed to him time and time again that the feel of his bare skin on her and his muscular abdomen made her crazy.

He just laughed as she pulled him upstairs to her room. "Come on, let's get comfy." He shut the door behind them. She spun around to face him, leaning up to kiss him and her hands unbuckling his pants and letting them fall to the ground, revealing his blue flannel boxers that perfectly matched his eyes.

He laughed and stepped out of his pants, and finally took slid his unbuttoned shirt off of his shoulders and let it fall next to his trousers.

"Why don't you change out of that dress so we can get in bed." He said, wrapping his arms around her and leaving a kiss on her head. She started to pull pins out of her hair in front of her mirror and let the half of her hair that had been pinned up fall down into cascading curls down her back. She pulled her hair to the front of her shoulder and peered behind her to see him. "Can you just unhook and unzip my dress for me?" She said sweetly.

"Of course," he smiled and gently unhooked her dress and unzipped it. When he unzipped her dress and revealed her bare back, he sat on the edge of her bed, patient to wait for her to go into her connecting bathroom to change, respecting that he'd realized she wasn't wearing anything but panties underneath her dress.

But instead, she let her dress fall to the ground, and she turned to face him slowly, biting her lip as she stood in front of him in nothing but her little pink underwear. She had never been this exposed in front of anybody before, ever.

His eyes were locked on her, trying his hardest to look at her in the eyes and not stare at her perky little breasts, assuming that she was drunk and her exposure was unrealized…but it was really hard.

But she wasn't drunk enough to forget that she was baring herself to him. She wanted to. If he wouldn't let them touch in the sexual sense of the words, she so badly wanted him to touch all of her in every other sense. She wanted that skin to skin contact.

She stood in front of him before placing herself in his lap, as she had been downstairs, their chests nearly pressed against one another.

"Spencer, aren't you forgetting your pajamas?" He blushed for her, laughing at her cuteness, trying to ignore how turned on he would get if he focused on her bare chest.

She shook her head no. "I want to be like this with you." She nodded, running her hands through his hair, looking at him in the eyes. She was very vulnerable, and he could tell she was uncomfortable or self conscious or nervous or some mixture of the three.

"You don't have to…" he started, but she continued the eye contact. "I want all of me to be with you." She nodded, he could smell the wine on her breath but he knew that her words were true.

"I'm still not giving in," he gulped, placing his hands softly at her bare sides, trying his best to maintain his composure. He still didn't break their eye contact. _My God, she is perfect. Every little bit of her._ He thought as his hands caressed her side and his thumbs traced little circles on her back, causing her to arch forward towards him, her nipples becoming more defined as she got a chill with his touch.

"That's okay." She nodded, leaning in for one, soft kiss. She was less lustful now, and more beautifully vulnerable. He laid her down gently and laid down beside her, pulling their almost fully bare bodies against one another. "I like it when our skin touches," she whispered as their navels lost the space between them, his hands slowly pulling her in so their chests would lose the space between them as well. She was self conscious, but with him, it still all felt safe.

"You're so beautiful, Spencer. Not just because you're naked… you're really, really beautiful." He kissed her forehead, and then her eyelids, and then her nose, and then her chin, leaving her longing for the final kiss he placed gently on her lips. His hands moved up and down her sides as he did this, feeling little goosebumps pop up over her bare skin. He reached her side as far as he could go without touching her breast, unable to bring himself to violate her in any way, afraid that she would take it the wrong way. Instead, she took it upon herself to take his hand and rest it upon her breast, leaning her face into his neck and her hands to his hips as she did so.

He held it gently, amazed at how perfectly it fit in his palm. Not too big, not too small, but just the perfect fit. He rubbed little circles around her nipple with his thumb ever so softly, and he felt her moan into his neck so softly he barely heard it.

"I'm sorry…this isn't supposed to be sexual." He said, retreating from her breast.

"No, keep doing it…it's okay. It's soothing. I _like_ it." She reassured him, waiting for him to graze over her breast again. She felt electricity in the base of her spine, in the tips of her fingers, in her heels… she'd never been touched this way before and she felt like she was on a cloud.

"Spencer…" he started, softly. "Have you _ever…_" his word hung in such a way in the space between them that he didn't have to say the rest of the sentence for her to know what came next.

"This is the most…for me." She started, her cheeks pink.

"For you?" He squinted in confusion.

"I snuck around with one of my sister's ex boyfriends a few years ago. My family blew up when they found out…" she trailed off. "He was much older than me, and I broke him and Melissa up… I never meant to, he just flirted with me and I was in an awkward phase where any approval felt good... but he never touched me. He asked me to touch him a few times… and I did." She admitted. She had never even admitted that to her friends.

"Spencer…" he moved his hands up to her cheeks, wanting to heal whatever it was that hurt her from that experience.

"He didn't make me," she said quickly. "I just curious… but I was too young and definitely wasn't ready for it. It was overwhelming. So I haven't done…_that_…since. With anybody." She looked into his eyes. She always thought that her fear of touching somebody again was the reason her past relationships had failed, and though this wasn't technically a relationship, it was something. And he respected her more than she even respected herself. "But I can think of one person who I would want to try again with." She hooked her fingers around the waistband of his boxers, but his hand met hers quickly.

"Tonight is about you." He stopped her. "If you want anything, I'm here… but I only want tonight to be about you." He kissed her nose.

"What about you?" She started. "Have you ever…"

"Yes," he admitted, and felt guilty about it. She was taken aback because she didn't expect that.

"So the Jenna stuff is true…?" she narrowed her eyes.

"I never forced her. She was upset when our parents got together...because we had been dating. So she set it up for them to catch us and think that I was forcing myself on her, so they might break up and we could eventually be together without it being seen as weird and as incest. But that backfired…" he trailed off. "But before our parents got married, we did date, and we were…intimate. But there were four or five girls after her...although I never dated any of them." He wasn't proud of that, but he felt that he needed to be honest with her.

"Oh…" she trailed off.

"Do you understand why I stopped you, now?" He pushed some hair out of her face. She looked confused and vulnerable.

"Because I don't know what I'm doing like those other girls?" She contracted, her shoulders hunching, her cheeks flushed. She was supposed to be good at everything, but she honestly hadn't the slightest idea when it came to sexual being. She only knew what she saw in movies, or what her gut told her to do when she was lost in the moment.

"Spencer...look at me...I stopped, because I don't want to add you to a list of girls I'll never see again and that I never cared about." He lifted her chin to look at him. "You're worth more than that, Spencer Hastings." He couldn't help but grin every time he spoke her name.

Suddenly, their lips were bonded again, and he wasn't sure how it had happened. She intertwined her legs with his as she kissed him.

She pulled away after a bit. "Well, you're the first boy I ever kissed that wasn't from the country club…you're the first boy I ever took to a dance…the first boy I ever snuck out with….the first boy I ever slept next to…the first boy I undressed in front of…" she continued the laundry list of things he was to her. "Soooo..." She teased at the prospect of him taking her virginity in the most lighthearted way possible, kissing him once more. Though she joked, she would have trusted him to take her right then, right there.

Before he could say a word, she turned over so her back faced him and scooted back towards him so her hips fell perfectly in line with the arch of his body and he could pulled her in to spoon her, his hand returning to her breast, his head glued to the crook of her neck. Minus the bare skin and the touching of her chest, they had gotten pretty good at the routine of finding how their bodies fit like puzzle pieces and to get comfortable in those positions, since she so often slept at his house, not wanting to come back to a big, empty house.

"Kiss me to sleep," she murmured, clearly already in a boozy crash of energy as soon as her head hit the pillow.

He drew circles around her breast once more as he laid little kisses across her back and shoulders until she was sound asleep in his arms, before pulling her closer so he could sleep.

"Goodnight, _my love_…" he whispered, although she was already asleep. He thought a lot about that night, and how it felt as if it had been days long. He thought about how beautiful she was. He thought about how, unlike her, he had been in love before... and he was falling faster than he ever even knew was possible. _You need to make up your mind, if you are going to make this real for her, or if you are going to leave before you hurt her...everyone you love has always gotten hurt. You are a murderer, your hands don't belong on this...angel. But she thinks you're good for her...and this feels so right... _he argued with himself for a while before pulling her closer, smelling her hair as he drifted off to join her in dreamland with a smile across his face, because even in the midst of his darkest thoughts, even while she wasn't even conscious, she was his light cutting through the blackness.


	8. Comedown

Toby woke up before Spencer, still spooned close to her, his arms wrapped firmly around her. It was already mid-morning, and he smiled recounting the happenings of the night prior that had tired them so.

He just watched her sleep. He didn't want to think about getting up, even to use the bathroom. He just wanted to hold her like this. It had very little to do with the fact that they were both in only their underwear; Toby had decided that her bare skin felt like a new favorite sweater. He finally understood why she was constantly whining that she wanted them to _touch, _and how innocent that desire really was.

When he felt her start to stir in his arms, clamping her eyes tightly shut as the light impeded her dreams, he nuzzled her neck and immediately started to lay very light kisses where her neck met her shoulder, each kiss seemingly lighter than the last. She groaned and pushed back into him, turning her head to grant him better access, intertwining her fingers with his at her navel.

"Hmmmmmmm," she hummed lightly at his moist lips on the thin skin covering her neck. He was dangerously close to the spot towards the back of her neck near her ear that, as she recently learned, completely turned her into a needy, whimpering, breathless, raw person. Any touch there consumed her whole body. She hated it and loved it at the same time. It was her secret on/off switch.

_And then he found it_. He carefully took note of the exact location of her sweet spot, one that he had grazed over many times in the past few weeks, but always managed to lose after an intense moment. Her whole body would tense up, and then very quickly become what he could only describe as rag-dollish. And she would become a writhing, primal, lust-filled being in a moment whenever he found _the_ spot.

She moaned a bit louder this time, and he took that as a sign of approval to continue teasing her. He continued the moment and squeezed and pulled at her bare breasts, which had previously been just inches from his fingertips. She arched her back and threw her head back slightly, which inadvertently made the access to her sweet spot even easier, and he bit a little harder. A jolt ran through her entire body and for a brief, stabbing second, she lost all control. Regaining her composure, she quickly flipped around in his arms, breaking free of his touch, and pushed her torso into his, her hands cupping either side of his face. "Good morning," she smiled a big, toothy grin that came with a soft, breathy laugh.

"Good morning," he smiled, his hands smoothing over her bare back, thumbing at her bony spine.

"I like waking up to you," she pushed her forehead into his.

"We've woken up together plenty of times,"

"Not like_ this_." She relished in their bare skin touching. It was more intimate to her than all of the kissing and touching they'd ever done. Even as he'd cupped her breasts for the first time, she felt more intensely about the fact that she could feel him _everywhere_, instead of the fact that they'd progressed sexually. "I don't even have to be anywhere today. We can stay in bed as long as we like. And then do whatever we want afterwards." She squeaked.

"Well, I only have a suit here, so… I have to go home eventually." He said, sitting over the edge of the bed and standing in front of her. "And I have to go to the bathroom."

"You can just stay like this all day," she offered, giggling as he went to the bathroom. "I'm serious," she called from the bed, sitting up and wrapping her sheet around her exposed parts.

He came out, drying his hands still with a fluffy pink towel.

"I'll go home, change, shower, and come back right here." He stood between her legs, which were now dangling off the side of her bed. "I promise," he pulled her in and kissed her head.

"You can shower here," she pleaded.

"Spencer. It'll be an hour." He tucked hair behind her ear.

"Fine," she pouted. "But not yet." She pulled him back down on the bed and snuggled into him.

She never did let him go home that day.

xx

For the time that the Hastings' were gone, Spencer had Toby over every single day. He slept over every night, and he often drove her to school on his way to work and even sometimes picked her up on his way home, if he was getting home early enough. They did everything a couple of many years would do, only they weren't even exclusive and had only been close for the matter of a couple of months.

She didn't make it all fun, though. She pushed him to do extra work, to really prepare him for his GED exams.

It was Friday now, and her parents were coming home on Sunday. She was lamenting the fact that this would be their last weekend holed away in her house.

"Spence, enough for today." He growled, closing the book and pulling her into him. "Can't we just order a pizza and watch a movie?"

"Would you settle for a French film? We can put on the subtitles. It'll help you."

"Jeez, would you stop trying to make me better." He knocked into her playfully.

"Nope." She said shortly and cutely.

"Fine," he smiled, and held her hand, stroking the side of her thumb with his.

She pulled her hand out of his and retreated to the kitchen. He followed her after a moment.

"Did I do something?" He raised his eyebrow.

She spun around to face him, holding a pile of mail. It was as if she had known he would have followed her into the room, no questions asked.

"I got some letters back from colleges." She hadn't wanted to open them while her parents were home and would undoubtedly take it upon themselves to deposit for her at Princeton.

"And?" He looked at her, eagerly. He knew that this was something she had been distraught about since Day 1, when they had their first tutoring session and she told him about how stressed school made her, and how she didn't even like it anymore.

"I haven't opened any yet." She looked down.

"But Spence… don't you need to deposit, like, soon?"

"Not until March." It was December. "I have some time."

"Well… are you gonna open them soon?"

"I wanted to open them without my parents."

"Well they aren't here now. I could give you some privacy," he motioned to the other room.

"No, stay with me." She hopped up onto the counter and pulled him towards her, where he stood between her legs.

First, she opened Princeton. Of course, she'd gotten in.

"I think my Dad may have bought this acceptance," she said casually, not making eye contact. "I should burn that." She said, tearing through the rest. With the exception of Yale and Columbia, she had applied to the rest behind her parents backs. She'd applied to Hollis, The College of New Jersey, Clemson University in South Carolina, USC, Fordham, and University of North Carolina in Asheville. She'd decided that she wanted to go somewhere that wasn't quite as competitive. If she were lucky, she'd be able to get far away, too. But every time she thought about the subject, picturing herself across the country, or in a small town further down the Eastern seaboard, she felt a tug at her heart. It was a small tug. In fact, the thing twisting in her guts could be stammered in only one word, a word only composed of four letters. _Toby._

"Wow," He mumble under his breath, and she slipped the last of the letters into it's envelope. She had been accepted to every school she applied to, with the exception of a waitlist letter from Yale.

"What?" She looked up, not sure if she was even happy because she still had such a big decision to make. And she knew it would be a Hell of a fight with her parents.

"I'm just a little bit in awe of you. You're brilliant, Spencer. Everyone wants you."

"Not Yale," she joked, but Toby just made a face.

"Honestly, Spencer. I don't how you do it." His hands rested on top of hers on the countertop.

She blushed. "So how 'bout that pizza?" She picked up the phone to call. "We can even watch a regular movie, instead of French. If you want." She smiled,

"I'll do whatever you want if you pleeeeease don't put veggies on the pizza." He teased.

She just pointed in the living room, signaling him to leave and find a movie while she made the call.

She ordered the pizza half veggie, so they were both happy. They didn't bother cleaning up all of the books they had been studying from, they just settled around them, not wanting to keep away from each other unless they had to.

They ended up watching a French movie, because he knew that that was what Spencer really wanted all along. He sat on the couch normally, and she sat sideways, so her back leaned agaist his side and his arm wrapped around her. She held a notebook and kept a list of all the words that came up, or important phrases, that he didn't understand.

They fell asleep on each other on the couch, her small frame folded perfectly into the space between him and the corner of the couch. His hand was just under the fabric of the back of her shirt, gently resting on the small of her back. She had recently taken to telling him that she couldn't sleep without skin-to-skin contact. She was mostly exaggerating, but he didn't mind. She was similarly positioned on his own body, her hand on his chest with her fingers tucked into the neckline of his shirt. Her notebook was still balanced carefully on her stomach.

They were startled when the door opened and her parents came in, immediately yelling at the sight of their youngest daughter curled in a ball with town leper Toby Cavanaugh.

"Spencer Janine Hastings what do you think is going on here?" Her mother screamed, making the couple on the couch jump up out of their comfortable positions, her notebook flying off the couch. Toby didn't realize his hand was still under Spencer's shirt at her hip until he saw Peter's disapproving, sour scowl staring at his daughter's exposed skin underneath Toby's calloused fingers. Toby immediately jumped back. Spencer was more calm, bending to pick up her books.

"We were just studying, Mom. What are you doing home, anyway?" Her eyes narrowed, grumpy from being woken up from her very peaceful slumber in Toby's safe arms.

"I had an arraignment scheduled for tomorrow so we switc—" she stopped. "I'm not explaining anything to you, young lady! Kitchen, now." Her mother pointed, as Spencer had earlier signaling Toby to leave the kitchen. He wanted to laugh at how Spencer had emulated her mother, but he was also too scared that Peter was going to kill him, so kept to himself.

"I should go," Toby stood, swearing Peter had actually hissed at him.

"That's a very good idea, Toby." Veronica said harshly from the kitchen, her arms over her chest waiting for Peter to join them.

"Mom! That was beyond rude!" she pushed past her, into the living room. "Toby, you don't have to leave. You can wait in my room." Her eyes pleaded with him to stay.

"I gotta go." He was short with her, and pushed past her straight to the door, not worrying about his stuff he'd left in her room.

"Mom! Dad!" she yelled after the door slammed shut. "There was NO reason to throw him out of here! So what, we fell asleep! Melissa married a MURDERER and didn't even invite you to the wedding! I fall asleep with a boy I'm tutoring and you FLIP OUT."

"He isn't good for you, Spencer."

Spencer audibly laughed at her mother's comment.

"Why do you think this is so funny? What are you trying to prove?" Peter got in his daughter's face, backing her into the corner.

"Because you're so elitist. He doesn't have doctor and lawyer parents, he must be the devil." She mocked. "He's better for me than you are." She shot back.

"Excuse me?" Her father got even more in her face.

"What are you trying to prove with him, Spencer?"

"I'm tutoring him. He's my…_friend."_ She'd realized she wasn't lying this time, they really didn't have a label. She also didn't realize until then that there really wasn't a label she felt comfortable assigning their relationship. He wasn't your average high school boyfriend. He looked at her, and she felt like she might be magic.

"Friend," Peter scoffed, backing up a little. "I didn't raise my daughter to let her _friends_ over in an empty house, with that _friend's_ hands up her blouse!"

"You're right," Spencer got in his face this time. "You didn't raise me at all." She looked right in his eyes when she disrespected him. She threw her words like daggers, no remorse. She had typically been an obedient girl, but she had finally grown sick of her parents' controlling ways and wanted to take control of her own life. It wasn't like she was lying, either. Truth was, her parents were so busy that she really did raise herself.

A gasp escaped Spencer's mouth when she found herself pinned against the wall under her father. "Spencer Janine Hastings, you have had nothing but an enormous attitude problem since you started tutoring that boy. If I'd have known it was the Cavanaugh boy you were tutoring… you wouldn't have even been leaving the house. Why do you go looking for trouble, Spencer? First, you provoke Ian, and now you're hanging out with Cavanaugh?"

"You need to respect us, Spencer," her mother bellowed from across the room. "We only want the best for you."

Spencer's eyes were spilling over by this point. "No, you want what's best for the _Hastings name,"_ she spat out. "I never asked for this." She leaned tightly against the wall, trying not to touch her father, annoyed at even the way he breathed, sure she sensed arrogance in even the mildest of acitons.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. You don't know him! He's gentle and he's different and he actually has sight of life outside of this ghastly little town!" She screeched. "He was at the bell tower that night," she spat out, without thinking. "Ian was going to kill me that night. It wasn't an accident like you all think, he was actively trying to hurt me. You would only have one daughter if it weren't for Toby. He saved me." Her cheeks were soaked with tears.

"Oh Spencer, why would you go there? First sneaking around, now _lying_? About Ian, about tutoring… is he who you took to the dance?! I heard from Mira, she said you were extremely rude to Todd. I can't take any more of this lying!" Veronica put her hands on her hips. "Just go to your room, I don't want to see you down here again tonight. Understand?"

"And no more tutoring for you." Peter added. "I don't care who asks. You're done with the tutoring center."

"Todd came to the dance _drunk_ for your information," Spencer stomped her foot, crossing her arms over her chest. "I didn't feel safe with him."

"I've heard enough," Peter basically dragged her to the stairs. "No more of this Cavanaugh crap, you hear me?"

"Da—" she went to yell in protest again.

"SPENCER. HASTINGS. I SAID, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? It's OVER."

Spencer pulled back, hating her father like this. She never agreed; she just ran upstairs.

She called Toby the second she got in her room, shrinking into a ball on her bed with his sleep shirt rolled up as if it were a teddy bear. But he didn't answer.

She stayed awake for hours, nudging him on their Words with Friends game and calling him alternatively, but she got no answers. At 1:30 AM, she finally decided to leave a message.

"Toby…it's me," she sniffled. "I'm _so_ sorry, they weren't supposed to be home tonight. They don't know what they're talking about. You're my hero, Toby. And I need you to save me…I need you to save me from them and from this stupid house." She took a moment to catch her breath. "This place is a prison, Toby." She wheezed. "Please come back for me." She cried on the phone for a little while. "Call me, please. I need your voice." She leaked with desire. She hung up and fell asleep quickly, having cried herself to sleep.

xx

Spencer was sitting slouched over in her chair, facing the window, unable to speak.

It had been two weeks since her parents had forbidden her from seeing Toby. It was the first day of Christmas break, but she was feeling anything but holiday spirit.

Emily and Hanna sat on Spencer's bed, just watching her. Aria was sprawled out on Spencer's floor, laying on her back facing the ceiling. They'd been there for hours, but could _not _get Spencer to talk. Or change out of her worn out yoga pants and the stained t-shirt Toby had left there.

"Let me do your make-up, or your hair, at least," Hanna offered. "If you look better, maybe you'll feel better."

Spencer just looked up at her friend disapprovingly; she didn't even say anything out loud and Hanna knew it was not going to happen.

"Can you at least tell us what happened?" Aria sat up, grazing her friend's leg with her hand.

"My parents told me I couldn't see Toby anymore. They made a big fuss and now he won't answer."

"But what _happened?_" Aria prodded. "Start from the beginning."

Spencer was exasperated. But, she sat up, finally feeling up to girl-talk. She had been so wrapped up in Toby lately she had barely seen her friends, and she'd spent the past two weeks stressing over midterms, and being distraught over all of the unanswered texts she'd sent Toby.

"Where do you want me to start?" Spencer's eyes started to glimmer a bit.

"START AT THE DANCE," Hanna said a bit louder than she meant, bouncing off the bed to sit closer to Spencer. She loved boy stories.

Spencer couldn't help but laugh a little. "Well… My mom invited that sleazeball Todd, the Princeton kid. I forgot to uninvited him, and he got there before Toby and cornered me. He was all 'you've grown up, blah blah blah I'm gonna put my hand up your dress because that's totally appropriate,'" Spencer mocked.

"I KNEW IT" Aria glared at Hanna and Emily. "I wanted to come over there but Hanna thought you were sluttin' it up with Toby and Todd."

"That's a popular opinion lately, actually." Spencer's eyebrows furrowed, her expression puzzled and annoyed, but kind of funny at the same time. "When in doubt just assume it's Spencer, sluttin it up," she said snarkily.

"Whatever! Go on!" Hanna yelped.

"Well Toby found me and told Todd to leave. And we, uh… we kissed. A lot. A lot a lot. It was intense. And then we came back here, and we snuggled up on the couch with a bottle of wine and we…kissed some more…"

"YOU DID IT!" Hanna yelled.

"Why don't you let her tell the story?" Emily nudged her friend.

"Anyyyyyyway, we kissed a lot and he spent the weekend here… mostly holed up in my bedroom. Just…exploring each other. We didn't have sex… we didn't even really get all that close. But we spent almost the whole weekend in our underwear, pressed up against one another… and it was just magic. And since my parents were in London, he stayed the rest of the week, too. We fell asleep on the couch watching a movie and my parents ended up coming home early…my dad told Toby he wasn't good for me and Toby left. I haven't heard from him since," she frowned.

"Wait, let me get this straight. You spent an entire weekend in your bed, with your parents gone, with a guy, and you didn't have sex?" Hanna raised her eyebrows.

"He's…sweet. Believe me, I'm as surprised as you are…" she kind of laughed a little, biting her lip remembering her time with Toby. "It was almost more exciting…to just be together and be so vulnerable and to know that anything could happen and pushing all the boundaries but still always retreating back to just being…still." Spencer's eyes were more lit up than the girls' had ever seen them about anything other than a science fair or a tennis match.

"You _love him" _Emily squawked, and Hanna made a face. "What, it's okay when you say it?" Emily snapped back.

"I don't…We're not even dating. And from the looks of it we'll never see each other again, so it doesn't really matter." She sighed.

"You dad probably just spooked him. Give him some time," Aria offered.

"Or just go over there and demand his attention." Hanna smiled.

"You know, she might be right…" Emily agreed, hesitantly. "Tell him how you feel. You'll be 18 in March. That's so soon. Then it doesn't matter what your parents say."

"You should go over there wearing a big bow like a Christmas present…and your trenchcoat and red stilettos…and nothing else," Hanna's face got red as the girls all squinted at her.

"What, I heard guys like that kind of thing," she looked away, smiling, very clearly remembering a time where she'd probably done something similarly as scandalous for Caleb.

"Can we just talk about something else?" Spencer sulked. "Can we just go eat something?" her stomach growled. "I want to get out of this house."

"Finally!" Aria smiled.

"But change before those yoga pants become a permanent fixture of your body…and maybe brush your hair." Hanna critiqued.

Spencer made a face, but followed her friends' instructions and tried to start to act normally.

_I miss you._ She texted Toby in a moment of weakness an hour later while at the Applerose Grille with her friends. She had hovered over the "Send" button for at least twenty minutes before pressing it.

When she arrived home several hours after dinner, ice cream and a movie with the girls, he still had not answered.

_vPlease come back,_ She pleaded in her head, as if he could hear her. _I think Emily was right. I think… I think I'm falling in love with him._


	9. Never Say Goodbye

_A/N: Thank you to everyone keeping up with this story and reviewing! I love this story and these versions of Spencer and Toby, but I haven't really been getting much feedback in this story, so I'm not sure how much more I'll continue if no one is reading it. Review or message me, please, to let me know what you all want._

_Warning for the end of the chapter, after the last "xx" (which is bolded), the scene's rating changes from "t" to "m" for sexual content. _

A few more weeks went by, and nothing. Spencer's heart broke whenever she opened her Message app and saw her thread with Toby. _I miss you,_ the last text sent. She had sent it three weeks ago, and still, no response.

She had finally learned to do the little things again. Fake a smile, go to school, hang out with the girls. But they all knew she wasn't the same. They hated Toby for hurting their friend, but were so happy she'd finally had a significant experience. Still, it ended in a million shattered pieces of Spencer, and they didn't know what to think – if they ever should have trusted Toby.

Spencer hadn't said more than sarcastically polite "hello's," goodbye's," and "yes/no's" to her parents since the whole ordeal. They called her childish, stupid, and told her she was going to ruin her life. She didn't fight them. She just bit her tongue.

It was the day after Christmas, and her family was going on a long trip to visit her Nana in Connecticut. Even Melissa had flown home for the event with a new boy toy, a doctor named Wren (who in Spencer's opinion, was too funny and average for Melissa), and they'd had been staying with them through the holidays. Spencer may or may not have been drinking in her room alone most nights to ease the awkwardness and tension thickly spread through her house because of it all.

Spencer's curls bounced as she followed her family, who were already mad and calling after her because she'd forgotten her phone up in her room. As she crossed through the doorway, her shoe got caught on something on her front steps – a small box wrapped in gold, shiny paper. It had a bunch of ribbon on top, which was how her heel had gotten caught up. In sloppy, forced cursive lines, a small tag read _"Joyeux Noël, Spencer,"_

She knew that handwriting anywhere, _Toby._

Without any hesitation, she ran into her house once more, effectively getting a loud groan to escape Melissa's mouth, who was already sitting in the car with the door open, complaining loudly about the cold. Wren sat beside her, keeping quiet about Spencer's antics, clearly uncomfortable with the hostility of the Hastings' clan. Spencer's father was behind the wheel, aggressively tapping on the wheel, as he grew impatient. Her mother standing on the walkway waiting.

"Spencer Janine!" Veronica yelled, "We are already running late! Get out here! What's the matter with you!"

Spencer ran down the driveway, swinging her car keys around her index finger and went to her car instead. "I'll meet you guys down there, I've got something to take care of," she had shoved the small box into her pocket. Her mother was still yelling as Spencer sped down the block and quickly turned the corner to an all-too-familiar, yet so far-away feeling place.

xx

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. _

Toby threw aside his notebooks in frustration, the clicking of his clock driving him insane.

It had been 28 days without Spencer. More specifically, 28 days, 13 hours, and four minutes since he left her house that night upon her father's request.

He missed her so much.

He had drowned himself in work the past few weeks, and even muted their conversations on his phone so his heart wouldn't break when she tried to contact him again. _If_ she tried again.

_I miss you,_ he so often read and re-read her last text. So many times he had written her a long, sappy response. An apology. A declaration of adoration. A simple repetition of her own words. But he'd erased them all, unable to let himself indulge any longer.

_I wish we could be together, _he wanted to tell her. _But we aren't meant for one another. I'm not your kind. I will only make things hard. And you're too vulnerable to see the difference._

He rehearsed the words a million times, but he decided only time and space could heal. He had convinced himself that she was just in the moment all the times they spent together, that she never felt for him like he felt for her. That it might all just be a game. And then, he felt less guilty about leaving her.

But then he would remember her laugh, her breath on his neck, their bare skin touching… and he remembered how very different it was from any game he'd ever known.

He decided that staying away from her was the only proper thing to do. It'd been too long since he'd last spoken to her, and honestly, she was better off without him. But he wanted to give her a parting gift. Selfishly, he wanted her to remember him; to remember _them_ the way they were.

_Us. _He thought with a guilty smile.

So he made her a necklace, using his hands. It took about a week to get perfect. He wrapped it up in pretty paper and left it on her stoop. He hoped one day he'd see her wear it, and know that their time together was not taken for granted.

Today was the day after Christmas, and his entire family was visiting Jenna's aunts and uncle. He hadn't been invited, and so was home for the entire weekend (Christmas had fallen on a Thursday, and so the trip had been planned for the remainder of the weekend.)

He had been sitting on his bed studying, but he kept wondering about the present. Had she gotten it? Did she like it? Would she wear it, or be mad about it and throw it away? Would she know he carved it with his own hands? _She deserves something beautiful, and I hope she knows that's what the intention was, even if she hates it._ He had thought.

xx

Spencer pulled up in front of the house she'd been longing for at the end of the street she'd tried to avoid since the argument with her parents, concluding the most beautiful weekend she'd ever had in her entire life. She had purposely not driven down his street since, afraid that if she did, she'd somehow find herself on his doorstep, begging for him to come back and hold her.

She fumbled with her seatbelt and put the gift in her lap to inspect it. She twirled the ribbon around her fingers almost sensually. She lightly touched the tag hanging from it, as if it were his skin she was touching, careful to be gentle. She flipped it over and saw he had written on the back, too. _"pour une belle fille. prenez soin de vous . être bon. au revoir." _She wanted to smile that he'd gotten better at his French. Or maybe he cheated and used Google Translate. But it was a sad smile, because his message threatened to break her heart all over again. It was all the words missing from their last encounter, but at the same time all the words she hadn't wanted to hear – because it made the separation realer.

"For a beautiful girl," it read. "Take care of yourself. Be good. Goodbye." _Goodbye._

Her heart stung.

She got out of her car and slammed the door, marching up to his front door as quickly as her too-high-for-comfort heels would carry her, her ponytail of curls aggressively swinging from side to side.

She must have rang the doorbell about six times before she finally heard the lock mechanisms move as he turned them on the other side of the door. "Jesus, I'm right here. Hold on." He grumbled, finally getting the door open. He was shocked to see who was on the other side.

"What the hell is this?" she pushed past him to get inside, not waiting for an invitation.

"It's a Christmas present…Merry Christmas, by the way." He made a face.

"_Goodbye?"_ She snarled. She wanted to look angry, but it was the first time she'd seen his face in a month. He'd cut his hair, his eyes seemed brighter; more piercing as the winter paled his skin. They were still the kindest eyes that had ever met hers.

On the receiving end of her screeching, Toby tried to seem annoyed, or to muster up the balls to push her out of his house. But instead, he found himself lost in her. Her heels made her long legs seem impossibly longer, her green high waisted skirt hanging loosely around her thighs, but tightly hugging her thin frame at it's top only contributed to the illusion that her bottom half might never end. Her blouse was a white button up, tucked loosely into her skirt. It had very delicate gold detailing along the collar, and somehow it's intricate but subtle, almost passable beauty seemed like a metaphor for the leggy brunette standing in front of him, who was almost more beautiful than he'd remembered. As if that were possible. Her jacket wasn't even buttoned, and her neck was red from the cold. Her ponytail had snow flurries caught in her curls, and her cheeks looked as if she was wearing a dark shade of blush, due somewhat to the cold, but mostly her frustration with the sandy-haired boy standing in front of her, and her inner-battle to refrain from jumping on him and either hitting him or ripping his clothes off. She didn't know which she wanted more.

"Toby! What the hell is wrong with you?" She got closer to him, he could feel her breath.

He had honestly gotten so lost in how pretty she looked, in all of the small features he'd almost forgotten about, that he forgot to listen to the raspy voice calling out his name. It was raspier than he'd remembered, and he hoped she wasn't getting a cold.

And then his eyes re-focused on hers, trying to find an answer. And that's when he realized why she sounded so hoarse. Her eyes were spilling over, and she didn't even have the will to try and wipe them away.

"Toby…" her voice cracked again, before he finally pulled her into his arms, unable to walk away from her when she was like this, even if he thought it was for her own good.

He enveloped her thin frame into his, and though her body was cold, suddenly everything was warm.

"Shhhh," he rubbed her back for a while. They just stood inside his living room, with him rubbing her back, for almost a half hour. Her phone hadn't stopped buzzing with angry, threatening texts from her parents since she'd gotten there. She didn't bother even checking the notifications.

When she'd seemed to calm down and they'd relished in the comfort of each other for a while, he insisted she take off her jacket, sit on his couch, and get wrapped up in a blanket.

"I want to go downstairs." She furrowed her eyebrows.

"What?" He called from the kitchen. He was making them cocoa.

"Downstairs." She said, standing, still wrapped in a hand-crocheted brown and orange afghan.

He nodded. "I'll be down there soon."

He came down soon, as promised, with two mugs of steaming cocoa and a bag or marshmallows. He couldn't help but smirk when he saw her rolled up into a ball on his bed, her heels thrown haphazardly at the foot of his bed.

"You look pretty today," he said sitting down and handing her a mug. "Maybe the most beautiful I've ever seen you." He gulped, feeling guilty.

"You never answered my question." Her eyes narrowed. She was mad at him.

"Spencer…"

"Don't give me an excuse. I _needed _you, Toby." She felt her eyes start to well up again.

"Did you even open it?" He retorted.

"What?" She entangled her fingers in the ribbons again, it soothed her to do something mindless with her hands. It wasn't until he said it that she realized that the small gold box was still unopened.

"Open it," he put his mug down so he could rest his hand on her leg, comforting her by drawing little circles on her knee.

She obliged, and opened the box to find a necklace resembling a Scrabble piece. The front had a large "S" on it, and a heart in the corner where the number of points in the real game would be. It had a gemstone dangling from the chain atop the wooden tile.

Her fingers traced the edges carefully. They were shockingly smooth.

"Do you like it?" He asked. "I…made it." He said sheepishly.

"Toby…this is…this is us." She nodded, with a smile. "Was," she corrected herself. She wanted to kiss him so badly.

He turned pink, turning away from her. He wanted to tell her to flip to the back. But he didn't want her to, all at the same time. He never meant for her to open it in front of him. She looked down, carefully inspecting the jewelry now that she'd known it was made by hand. Her fingers searched for any trace of imperfection, but could not find any flaw. Funny, how that seemed like a metaphor for the ocean-eyed boy she sat next to.

Her finger suddenly nicked a groove in the back side of the tile, and she was almost happy to find that the boy wasn't as perfect as she'd remembered. Until she realized it was an almost-microscopic engraving. "_si vous avez toujours l'amour/," _it read.

"So you always have the love," she said to herself, beneath her breath. She looked at him for approval, to see if he had really known what he had written.

"Spencer, I know we can't be together. I know we aren't the same. I know that there are better things out there for you. I just wanted you to kn—"

But while he spoke, she curiously put the chain around her neck and twisted it so she could clasp it in front, before spinning it to find the tile resting on her collarbone. Her lips cut him off, finally gracing his again. He'd be lying if he said it wasn't electric.

She pulled away from the kiss sooner than he'd hoped, but leaned in closer towards his ear. "Make love to me," she whispered in the most sensual voice he'd ever heard.

Of course, he was sure he'd lost his mind. He didn't answer, he just looked at her for a new explanation.

"I love you too, you _goofball."_ She touched her necklace when she said it, remembering how he'd creamed her at Scrabble the first night they'd ever hung out. And how she had been hostile, but she secretly loved part of him from then – he was the first boy who ever posed a challenge to her. "And now I want us to prove it." She got closer to him, laying soft kisses along his jaw, up towards his ear. "_I've needed you for so long… I needed you to save me from that house. I needed to be in this room again. I need you, now…" _She whispered, she was very vulnerable. But he couldn't deny her, because he knew what she meant by that need, too. He needed all of her, like she wanted all of him. But he wouldn't be the gentleman she knew if he didn't put up a fight.

"Your phone has been buzzing for the last hour," he mentioned. "I have a feeling you're supposed to be somewhere else right now."

"We've spent enough time apart," she smiled, genuinely, for the first time in a month; she suddenly forgot why she'd come over to him so mad in the first place. She reached over and shut her phone off, ignoring her parents and finally doing something 100 percent for herself.

She snuggled into him, her hand trailing up his shirt to his chest. She laid her hand flat when she reached the center, veering slightly to the left. She was searching for his heartbeat. She pressed into him when she found it. "Don't you ever take what's mine away from me again," she threatened, her lips curling into a grin.

"I wouldn't think of it," he kissed her. And again, and again and again.

**xx**

For what seemed like hours, they kissed, slowly undressing one another, re-acquainting themselves with one another's' bodies. The exact spot in which her hips slightly curved, the birthmark on his shoulder, the spot behind her ear that drove her over the edge, his ticklish spot on the small of his back… all of it came back as if they'd never been apart.

They moved slowly, kissing enough kisses to make up for lost time, touching every centimeter of skin, leaving no crevice untouched or un-kissed. It took them a long time to progress to where they'd never been before. But finally, Spencer swung her legs from around her former straddle onto the cushy carpet of his floor, and stood in front of him while she quickly wiggled off the last bit of material left on her body. He stood to join her after taking her all in for a moment. She'd thought she'd feel embarrassed, but she actually felt quite beautiful with his gaze upon her. She only wore her new necklace.

"It's your turn," she said in a growl, her fingers curling over the hem of his boxers.

"Are you really sure?" his hands very lightly gripped her hips, as if she were a doll that could be broken.

"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be here." She retorted, and tugged a little more at the only material left on either one of them.

He kissed her again, backing her up into the bed and finally removing his boxers, letting her see the most private part of him. She took a second to admire it before reaching her hand out to touch it. She could barely wrap her fingers around the entire circumference, but she just made her fingers meet. She moved her hand up and down a few times before he stopped her when he saw her start to go meet her lips to her fingers around him.

"Spencer… don't." It took all his energy to say that, but he respected her too much. And this was her first time, it was supposed to be about her.

"I…" she started, but instead felt him remove her hand from his body and start to move his palm across her navel and down to her pubic region.

"Shhh…" he silenced her. "You wanted _me_ to show _you _how much I love you. So let me."

She nodded, and relaxed her body, repositioning herself on his bed. He parted her lips with his fingers, finding her slippery and warm. He smiled, knowing that he did that. She was already making soft noises, and no one had ever touched her there at all. Not even through fabric. Barely even herself, as she tried once or twice to figure out the whole masturbation thing before she grew impatient too quickly and gave up on pleasuring herself.

He hooked one finger inside of her, making her gasp and move her hips up a bit. "Shhhh," he smiled, "is it okay?" he let her settle around him.

"Mhmmmmm," she moaned lightly. He slowly moved his finger around, letting her get used to the space being filled, before pushing in a second finger, again hooking it in upwards to find the spot he knew would make her let go. He pushed around inside, as if he was looking for a magic button – and then he found it. He knew when she threw her head back slightly and her sounds got a bit louder. He saw her bite her lip.

"Spencer, you don't have to hold back…it's me. We're alone here."

She nodded that she understood, as he pushed hair of out her face with his free hand. _God, is she so beautiful._ He thought, watching her wriggle around as he explored the only part of her he'd never gotten to touch. He started to feel her moving her hips in rhythm with his fingers, and he brought his other hand to her pelvis, reaching down his thumb to rub tiny circles around her clitoris. And then he finally saw her stop holding back as she let out soft little sighing moans, which quickly turned into louder, more desperate noises. Even her noises were beautiful.

He felt her start to tighten around him, and he continued to move in and out of her, only a bit slower now, and then much, much faster. She was yelping at this point. He loved watching her finally let go and enjoy herself, finally not look like she had a single other thought or worry on her mind. He removed his fingers from her center once he was sure she'd finished, put held his hand tightly to her center, cupping it as she rode out the aftershocks of the orgasm, her sex still pulsating, her mouth still letting out tiny moans. He just smiled and kissed her innocently, finally bringing his hand away from her crotch and holding her sides.

"I love you," he whispered. "That was the most beautiful thing I ever watched," he kissed her nose.

She looked flushed, and was still trying to regulate her breathing. She just giggled and kissed him, trying to say "I love you," and "thank you," all in one movement.

She was a bit self-conscious that he'd watched her face as she had her first orgasm, but she also felt so alive and so full. It wasn't until he'd removed his fingers from her body that she'd realized the ever-present emptiness she'd been feeling her whole life, physically and metaphorically. And he filled that.

_How poetic._

She pulled him on top of her, kissing his neck and ears. "I'm ready," she whispered, but he just kissed her head and pulled her close. "I know… but let's wait."

"What?" she frowned.

"I don't have _anything,_ and besides, I wanted this to be about _you."_

_"_It's supposed to be about _us_," she cradled his face.

"Believe me, I might have enjoyed that more than you did." He made a face and she hit him playfully, blushing.

"Stop it!" She felt the heat rise to her face.

"We've got plenty of time to do everything, Spencer." He pulled her back in and kissed her. "I'm not going anywhere. Not ever again."

"Pinky promise?" She asked playfully, and he laughed at how innocent and adorable she could be, even after just having moaned his name in an animalistic tone while she grinded against his hand. It was a paradox, just like everything else she did. Just another reason why he loved her.

"Pinky swear," he hooked his finger with hers and pulled her in as close as he could, his hands resting on her lower back.

"I'll never let go."


	10. Sweet Terror

**A/N: Sorry I took so long to update this story! I have a lot of conflicting ideas for it so I was afraid to commit to one particular story path. Also, I haven't been getting much feedback, so I'm not sure if anybody is actually still interested in this story…Please review and/or msg me if you do want me to go on, otherwise I'm just wasting time that could be spent writing up one of my upcoming stories that I can't wait to share with you all. Lol. As promised in the second to last update of Pretend, here's your long awaited update!**

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Spencer stood in front of his bed as she had so many times before, half dressed, trying to put herself together and push aside the part of her that wanted to snuggle up to him half-undressed all day.

"I was supposed to be going with my family to my Nana's," she said as she buttoned up her shirt, slowly. She was only wearing her bra, shirt, and underwear. He just laid in bed in his boxers and watched her. He felt overwhelmingly guilty for getting back with her when he knew he would just end up hurting her. Nevermind what her parents might say or do…

"You should get going before it gets too dark – I don't want you driving by yourself so late on a holiday weekend. It's not safe."

"Well that's the best part," she smirked, pulling up her skirt over her shirt, tucking it in and zipping up the back effortlessly. She walked over to his closet and pulled out slacks and a blue-green plaid button up. "I'm bringing you with me."

"What?!" He narrowed his eyes at her. "Absolutely no way. Your parents will have a shit fit."

"If they want me to come, they have to accept that you come with me. Melissa brought her boyfriend, so I'm bringing _mine." _She smiled dangerously, happy to finally decide on a title for the boy she loved.

"I don't think it's a good idea."

"If they're too bad about it, we'll leave. But if we expect to not let any more secrets or space come between us again… we have to stand united against anything that comes between us. Which is honestly only ever going to be my parents. Screw them. My birthday is coming up and then I go off to college. They can't control me anymore."

"Fine," he rolled his eyes, taking the outfit from her. _This is going to suck. Why can't I dare to say no to her? I can't lose her again… I have to be better. It's the only way to erase the past._

"Thank you," she kissed him. "I'm going to go upstairs and make coffee for us to bring with us. Don't be too long," she smiled and waltzed upstairs sexily, leaving him wondering how he ever stood to be apart from her in the first place.

xx

The trip was a long one, as everybody was out on the road to visit their own respective families.

"How is Melissa doing?" Toby swallowed hard.

"Same old. She's dating a new British doctor. My parents _love _that," her fingers tapped the steering wheel as she waited for traffic to let up.

"So she's…moved on?"

"They've all moved on. Toby…I thought you'd let this go." Her face sunk in.

"Yeah…uh, it did. I'm fine. I was just curious, so I knew what I'd be walking into."

"Just relax…" She smiled, moving one hand to his thigh as she drove.

The rest of the drive was mostly quiet.

xx

They arrived at Spencer's Nana's house close to 8PM, just after dinner time. Spencer rang the bell and held Toby's hand tight as she waited for someone to let her inside.

She seemed not to be nervous at all. "Toby would you stop fidgeting? It's going to be okay." She smiled sweetly.

"How are you not more nervous? After last time your parents and I were in the same room with you…"

"Because I've chosen to change my attitude about the whole situation." She said simply. "I refuse to be the victim when I have so much free will. It just isn't who I am. There isn't anything physically stopping me from being with you, no real danger…so I should be with you…because you make me happy." She smiled and kissed his lips.

Just as their lips met, Spencer's Nana came to the door, Peter Hastings closely behind her.

"Ooooh, my dear Spencer!" Her Nana sung, pulling the couple, now glued together at their latched arms, inside and throwing her arms around Spencer and leaving a big kiss on her cheek. "My gosh, you've gotten so tall. And I see someone's starting to fill out on top," She smiled, embarrassing Spencer in the way that only a grandmother really could. Toby did his best to keep from laughing. "And you've finally got a boyfriend!" She cooed. "What a handsome one," she grabbed at Toby's cheek, and it was Spencer's turn to suppress a giggle.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Peter snapped, but Nana turned around.

"Don't be rude. The girl can bring whoever she like to my house. The more, the merrier. Melissa's brought somebody, I don't see why Spencer couldn't also bring a date to the holiday. I'm just here they've gotten here safely."

"Thank you, Nana." Spencer smiled, removing her already unbuttoned jacket and taking Toby's from him, hanging them on the hooks near the entrance to the large home. Spencer still held Toby's hand tightly as they walked into the kitchen following Spencer's short, plump, ashy-haired relative.

"Come on, let me make you a plate. We just put everything away. What will it be? Roast beef or turkey? Yams? Ooooh but we're going to have dessert soon if you'd just rather wait, I think you're old enough for dessert before dinner."

"Did you make your tomato soup?" Spencer's face perked up as she sat at the bar stool of the island near the fridge, her hand on Toby's lap as it had been on the drive there.

Toby couldn't help but smile. Spencer was never chipper near her parents, but her Nana was so welcoming and they clearly had a good bond.

"Of course I did, I knew my girl was coming." Nana smiled. "I'll just have that for now. Do you mind if I make us grilled cheese to go with it?"

"Let me do it, honeybun. You relax, I'm sure it was a treacherous drive up here."

"Let me do something?" Toby piped up for the first time since he'd entered the house.

"Well, alright. I won't say no to a boy who'll earn his keep! If only I could ever get Petey to lift a hand!" She laughed, but Peter's jaw clenched as he joined them with Veronica.

"Spencer, can we have a word with you. Inside?" Her mother gritted through her teeth.

"Leave her be for now, I want her to introduce me to this strong fellow." Nana grazed over Toby's bicep, making Spencer laugh out loud.

"This is Toby… He lives nearby. We used to go to school together, but now he's getting his GED…he's graduating soon, actually." Spencer's eyes nearly twinkled, she was so proud of him.

"It's all thanks to Spencer, she was helping me with my French so I could pass my exit exams. She's truly brilliant." He rested his hand around her waist as he flipped the sandwiches on the stove.

Spencer's parents practically watched in horror before excusing themselves to the parlor to sit with Wren and Melissa and pour themselves cocktails to help numb the blasphemy of the situation – a Cavanaugh at the Hastings estate.

"What was that about? Petey hasn't had his panties in a bunch like this since his younger brother got a better scholarship than he did to Princeton!"

"They don't like me very much," Toby said honestly.

"They actually just haven't given him a chance. They're too obsessed with me dating someone they pick, and they're mad I found someone I like better."

"Do you care about my granddaughter?" Nana looked at Toby.

"I love her," Toby smiled, shifting his attention back to Spencer.

"And what do you plan to do with your future?"

"College, maybe, eventually… but I've gotten a job lined up in construction. I would be managing a site right after I finish school."

"Good with your hands..and that sounds responsible. I can respect that. Nothing to bat an eye at, a guy that can really get his hands dirty. You remember that, Spencer."

"I know, he really is _great_ with his hands," she smirked, remembering the games his fingers had played inside of her just a few hours ago. And then her smirk softened into a smile as her fingers went up to her new necklace around her neck.

"Well as long as you're happy, I take it that we should be celebrating! It's a holiday, everyone is healthy, and love is in the air." She sang.

Spencer just laughed. "I missed you, Nana."

"I know, kid. I missed ya too." She smiled, going to check on the other Hastings as Spencer sat down with her soup, and poured some into a bowl for Toby. He brought over a plate with the sandwiches.

"I like her." He announced.

"She's the best one of us all," she smiled.

"She's like you… if you were old and more pillowy." He joked.

"Just wait 40 years," she smiled and took a spoonful of soup.

In the other room, Peter got reprimanded for not respecting his daughter and her "wonderful" boyfriend. Peter was not going to let this go, and his mother's instruction would only make things worse.

After they ate, Spencer got Toby to join her with the rest of her family inside. They drank champagne, toasted to the season, and indulge in all kinds of sweets. Toby wiped some frosting on Spencer's nose to be silly, and it ended up in a full-fledged war between the two. It was safe to say only Wren and Nana got a kick out of it.

Later that night, Toby was in the bathroom and Spencer had gone downstairs to get extra towels and blankets.

"You need to send him home before we wake up tomorrow." Peter said sternly, trapping his daughter in the corner by the linen closet.

"Dad, get off." She tried to back up as much as she could. "He's staying. Nana asked him to. He's going to help her take down the outdoor lights tomorrow, anyway. He promised."

"I can do that."

"Dad, I can't even remember you ever changing a lightbulb."

"Spencer I'm SERIOUS. I don't know what point you're trying to make my bringing him here to my mother's house but I do NOT like it."

"It's not a point, dad. I love him. I want to spend the holiday with him. He was home alone! Melissa brought her new boyfriend…"

"He's a respectable doctor not some sleazy carpenter."

"Don't talk about him like that!" Spencer finally yelled.

Peter got closer, and she could smell the whiskey on his lips. "Don't!" He gritted through closed teeth, pushing her hard into the wall. "Don't you talk back to me. This isn't over, Spencer. You are not staying with that boy." Peter slammed her into the wall one more time before heading down the hall to meet Veronica in bed.

Spencer toppled over to the floor once her father had left, feeling like she had to fight for oxygen. He'd caught her on the doorknob of the closet, and she felt like she'd had the wind completely knocked out of her. The middle of her back was on fire. She took a minute to regain composure before slowly hobbling up the stairs, meeting Toby in the bathroom that joined the separate rooms they were supposed to be staying in to bring him a towel.

"What took so long?"

"I just couldn't find any new sheets," she lied. "I had to go to the basement."

"Did you want to shower with me?" he smirked, holding her hips. His hands went up to her back and she jumped as he grazed over the spot where the doorknob had been shoved into her; she already felt a bruise forming.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine…uhm, that sounds _nice,_ but we probably shouldn't do that _here."_ She laughed. "But we can still share the bed. Just make sure you lock your bedroom door on that side." She smiled.

"I'll see you in a few minutes then." He smiled, pressing a kiss onto her lips.

She forced a smile and hobbled to bed, wanting to take a shower after him but not having the will to stand again from the pain that seemed to radiate through her back and into her kneecaps.

She sent all night wincing as he squeezed her in, praying that tomorrow she'd feel better.

xx

Tomorrow, she didn't feel better. In fact, she felt worse.

It certainly didn't help that her father shoved her again in the morning, suggesting once more that she send the boy home – even if it meant she went with him. At this point, Peter and Veronica were disgusted not only by Toby, but by Spencer for loving him and having the nerve to bring him to Christmas.

But Spencer wanted to stay, she loved spending time with her grandmother, and Christmas was her absolute favorite time of year – she refused to let her family ruin it.

Later on in the day, after being cornered by her drunk father twice, Spencer nearly fell coming down the stairs due to the pain in her back, and now again in her side from the new spots Peter had assaulted.

"Whoa, babe, be careful. Did you miss a step?" Toby caught her halfway, as she draped herself against the banister for support, consequently hurting herself more as she slammed into it, but it seemed like the only way she'd be able to stay upright.

"I must have. These stupid heels. I'm just going to take them off. It's alright." She said removing her shoes and holding them in her free hand, Toby steadying her with the other.

xx

They played board games, laughed, and watched home movies with Nana all day. Nana, Toby, Spencer and Wren had all stayed up way past everyone else to play cards. Spencer was growing to really like Wren, and Nana was loving both of her granddaughters boy toys – Nana even joked that she liked Wren more than she liked Melissa, because Melissa was uptight and never laughed at any of her jokes. She also said that she liked Wren and Toby better than Ian, who always seemed to have an alternate agenda. _Ian, _the name had stayed in Toby's head, shivers down his spine. He kept hearing the yells as he fell to his death. By Toby's hand. He had to try to shake it off.

"That video of you on Christmas when you were two was the _cutest_ thing I've ever seen." Toby laughed, sitting on the edge the bed, taking off his shoes, getting ready for his shower and bed. The video had showcased Melissa opening each of her presents quickly, and showing off her reading skills with her new books she'd gotten. Veronica and Peter had only eyes for her. Spencer picked up each of her presents from her side of the tree one by one, going up to Nana and stammering sweetly "For me, Nana? Thank you! I love you Nana." And opening the present slowly, and then repeating it for every present. She was even attempting to fold the wrapping paper. Her parents encouraged her to hurry up, but her cute self was too thankful and sweet to listen.

Spencer blushed. "I don't know, I'm sure you had some silly moments." She stuck her tongue out.

"Not as cute as you" he smiled. "I snuck scrabble upstairs. I saw it on the game cart." He smiled. "Up for a round?"

"Maybe after I shower." She smiled, getting up to head towards the bathroom with her towel and nightgown. When she got to the bathroom door she turned around to see him and smiled. "Aren't you going to come keep me company?" She winked.

"You don't have to ask me twice," he smiled, feeling better since having pushed Ian from his mind. He would do anything to keep his mind busy.

Truth was, Spencer wasn't even looking for intimacy in showering with her new boyfriend – she just needed him there to make sure she didn't fall, and to help her since she was so stiffened from her injuries. Although she wouldn't admit that. If Toby knew that Peter had drunkenly shoved her around – something he hadn't done since she was a small girl. Although it had been a long time since her father was drunk and angry enough to hurt her, she was used to it – but she knew Toby wouldn't be. He would make it a bigger deal than it needed to be, and make Peter have even more against him.

They climbed into the shower together and she pushed herself against him, trying to steady herself. They laughed as they shampooed each others hair and their hands slipped all over each other. He gently washed her as he held her, and she did the same for him. He got a bit rowdy and pushed her against the wall of the shower to kiss her when she squealed loudly. He mistook it for giddiness. "Does somebody want more of yesterday's game?" He laughed, his hand sliding down between her legs, but she didn't respond. She just pushed more of her weight onto him.

"Spencer?" He narrowed his eyes. "Are you okay? I don't mean to force you…"

"You, uh, you pushed me into the wall, that's all. My back's still sore from when I tripped on the stairs this morning."

"But you fell onto your side. Into the banister, and twisted up your ankle a little, maybe… but I didn't touch you there."

"I…" She started, but before she could finish, he grazed over her back again and pushed to find the spot. "Is this where it hurts?" He asked, pushing right on her first injury, causing her to nearly double over and fall down into the tub. He caught her and turned her around to see a big black and blue covering most of her middle back. Parts of it were yellow and red.

"Oh my gosh Spence what is this?"

"I don't know, I told you I think I did it today…but it really hurts. Don't touch it again."

"You didn't hit your back here." He said matter-of-factly. "And you were fine when you came over my house yesterday…"

"Toby, drop it. Just don't touch it again." She said sternly, trying to free herself from him. "Come on, let's just relax" she started to kiss his collarbone, but he pushed her lips away.

"No…I'm not dropping it. This is a serious injury."

"I might have banged myself on a doorknob when I was fumbling around looking for towels last night…I'm not sure. I was a little tipsy from Nana's eggnog to be honest. I'm a clutz," she laughed, forcibly. "Plllleeeease just kiss me better and let's just go get warm and snuggle?"

He assessed the situation for a minute before decided to believe her and agreeing. Her pout made it too hard to deny her much.

He kissed her as he promised, along her back, around her bruise, and around to her neck and finally her lips as the water trickled down onto them. He stopped the water and dried her off like a small child. He rummaged through her grandmother's medicine cabinets to find some sort of cream to apply to heal Spencer. He settled on an IcyHot wrap, wrapping her softly before helping her pull her nightgown over her head. When he put the box back, an opened box of condoms fell out of the medicine cabinet.

"Did you bring those?" She smirked.

"Nu-uh…" Toby laughed, only imaging the kind of men Nana might bring home. "Nana's wild." He laughed.

"Nana wouldn't keep that in here," Spence laughed at the prospect of Nana bringing home a stud from bingo in the Church basement. "This was always for guests. Probably belonged to Ian and Melissa." She made a face.

_Ian, _the name rang through Toby's head again. The flashbacks and all.

"Toby, you look like you just saw a ghost," Spencer laughed. "It's no big deal, the walls are pretty soundproof anyway, even if they are Melissa and Wren's or…Nana's" she laughed. "Or if you wanted to use them…" she winked.

"They're probably expired." He tried to smirk jokingly. "And your back is killing you. Not tonight. Come on, let's go snuggle like I promised."

She smiled and followed him into bed. After they'd fallen asleep, Spencer was woken up by Toby's muted sleep-yells and incessant squeezing of her whole body. "Toby, stop." She tried to wiggle out, but realized he was in a deep sleep. He started to yell in his sleep.

"Toby, wake up…" she tried once out of his grasp, but he only gasped and sat up, his breathing labored and forced, his whole body sweaty.

"Shhh…" She kissed his head. "You had a nightmare or something. Go back to sleep."

_Ian, _the name rang through his head again.

Although Spencer slept well after taking a sleeping pill due to her pain, Toby woke up twice more that night, full of sweat, gasping for air, haunted by the thoughts of the ghost of Ian.

xx

The next day, they all had a bi breakfast together, and Toby even helped Nana, much to Peter's dismay.

After a while, they all left, and headed home.

Spencer stayed with Toby only long enough for a brief makeout session in her car before telling him she had to meet the girls for a group project they were working on that was due as soon as school was back in session the following week, and with New Years' around the corner, they knew they wouldn't have time except for today.

Toby was more than relieved – he had slept horribly and just wanted to sleep.

Only when he laid down, all he could see was Ian, falling to his death.

Toby's nightmare was just beginning.


	11. Monsters In The End

**A/N: This is a long and kind of heavy chapter. This chapter was longer but i decided to split it into two. Thank you for reading and please review, both positive and negative is appreciated as long as it's constructive! Thank you! **

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"Spencer Hastings, in a dress, make up on, and…is that a smile I see?" Hanna teased as Spencer walked through the back door into Hanna's kitchen.

Spencer just smiled and blushed, tucking hair behind her ear. "Very funny, I know…"

"How was Nana's?"

"Uhm… really good." She smiled big.

"Okay, why are you being so creepy with the smiling?"

"Why can't I be happy?" Spencer shrugged, taking a handful of M&amp;Ms from the bowl on the table and popping a few into her mouth, carefully separating the remaining candies by color in her palm.

"Well, first of all, this is the first time I've seen you look like a girl in, like, a month." Hanna snarled.

"Cool it," Emily intervened.

"Spencer, we're happy you're happy, whatever it is…" Aria touched her friend's forearm, and Emily nodded approvingly.

"Exactly," Emily chimed in.

"…but we'd be happier if you told us why." Aria smiled and Emily rolled her eyes.

Spencer just ate the candy in her hand and giggled.

"Well?! Are you going to spill or not?" Hanna crossed her arms over her chest impatiently as Spencer casually pulled out her books from her bag to start their work on the class project.

"Toby…" she started, her fingers instinctively going back to her necklace that Toby made for her.

"He's back?!" Aria interrupted, halfway jumping across the table to her friend.

"Well if you'd let me finish…" she laughed. "He made me this necklace and dropped it off at my house… and I went over to yell at him for leaving me and then teasing me by creeping up to my porch and leaving me a message without seeing me and the yelling kind of turning into…not yelling, and my family had already left for Nana's and they were so mad at me for not coming…so I decided if Melissa could bring Wren, I could bring my _boyfriend_ too…" She smiled, hoping they'd caught on to her subtle wording choice to break the news.

"Oh my god, your parents must have flipped out." Emily's eyes widened.

"They did…but it was good." Spencer smiled.

"Wait…wait, wait, wait…" Hanna got flustered. "BOYFRIEND?" Hanna yelled.

Spencer bit her lip and nodded and smiled. "I love him." She said shyly.

"I called it," Emily smiled, proudly.

"Come on, let's just finish our project…" Spencer was through with the embarrassing chatter.

The girls all exchanged looks and decided a smile was the only appropriate response to her declaration of her love of Toby. They were still not 100 percent on board, but they couldn't deny the overwhelming happiness of their friend.

xx

Spencer's parents liked to be the best at everything. But if there was one thing they weren't the best at, it was being the bigger person.

They were nearly flat out ignoring her, and she didn't care at all. She went about her business, hoping to do their daily dance of avoiding one another before school/work and after dinner. But Spencer was happy, because Toby was with her now. They spent almost every day together, and that was all she needed.

Spencer got home from Toby's around 8pm. She saw her mother and father sitting at the table, drinking their cocktails, their plates emptied.

"Where were you?" Peter growled.

"Why do you care?" Spencer raised an eyebrow.

Veronica pushed a large envelope towards Spencer from across the table. "We need to talk. What the hell was this doing near the paper shredder? I nearly destroyed it."

Spencer stepped closer. It was her acceptance letter from Princeton.

She shrugged, silently hating herself for forgetting to destroy it herself. "I was just…" She exhaled, finally deciding to give up the charade. She was done with scared of her parents or their disappointments. "I don't want to go to Princeton. At all."

"Spencer Hastings what is the matter with you? You're a legacy! You belong at that school!"

"Mom, I just—" Spencer was cut off when Peter, who had been silently sipping his whiskey prior to this, slammed his hand down on the table.

"I'VE HEARD ENOUGH OF THIS. SPENCER, GO TO YOUR ROOM. YOU'RE GOING TO PRINCETON AND THAT'S FINAL. YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE TO THIS FAMILY AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CONTINUE ANOTHER MOMENT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" He yelled, slamming back what remained of his drink and promptly slamming his glass onto the table similar to how he's slammed his hand moments before.

"No! I will not go up to my room! This is my life - my decision. I really am not at all interested in going somewhere just because you all did… I have different needs and interests," She tried to stay calm.

"You're going." Peter got up, cornering Spencer against the staircase.

"No." She said, less confidently than before.

"We sent in your deposit today when we found the form. You. Are. Going. It's a done deal. Not another word about it." Peter said hastily.

"But—" Spencer started, but was interrupted by Peter's hand coming hard into contact with her cheek, effectively leaving his handprint on her face.

She stood there, her face burning red, completely shocked. He's pushed her around before, but never, ever slapped her across the face. It was a new level of disrespect.

"That school will change you. Maybe you'll finally learn some manners and some decency and be a real Hastings," Peter muttered. "You should be thankful. Is this what that dirty carpenter is teaching you? To disobey your family? To disrespect us? You think you would be anywhere without _my _last name?" Peter stared into her eyes and held her wrist tightly, his nails digging into her skin. Spencer looked beyond him to her mother, her eyes searching for help, but she was just clearing the table, completely disregarding the feud going on just a few feet from her.

"His name is Toby and I love him," She got brave again.

"You stupid slut," He dug harder into her wrist, pulling her from the wall and dragging her up the stairs. "You need to reevaluate some things, and learn to stop disrespecting your family name. Love is for fools, you just want to cause trouble." He dragged her into her room and practically threw her on the floor. She hit the edge of her bed, digging right into her shoulder. She tried to hold everything in but a few tears escaped, quickly falling over her cheeks. Peter looked her right in the eyes as she cried, slamming the door behind him.

_I can't wait to be done with being a Hastings when I can finally get out of here. _

She dialed Toby's phone number as she sat at the end of her bed, the shooting pains in her shoulder and arm enough to keep her from moving much.

"Hey," Toby answered, happy to hear her.

"Are you busy?" Spencer tried her best to sound like she wasn't crying.

"No...is everything okay?"

"I'm fine," she let out a fake laugh. "I just wanted to hear your voice before bed."

"Aw," he smiled. "What did you want to talk about? It's pretty early for bed."

"I'm tired today," she lied. "Can you just tell me a story?" She curled up on her carpet in a fetal position; she didn't even have the energy to get up into bed.

"What kind of story?" Toby questioned, like he was talking to a child.

"Whatever you want. Please just talk to me." Her eyes threatened to let out tears again. She squeezed them shut.

Toby spoke softly, telling her about his day, about her, about how their ideal future might be. He stayed on the line for a little bit after he thought she fell asleep, just to make sure. He was very soft that way.

xx

On New Year's Eve, Spencer got into another fight with her father when she let it slip she was going to a party with Toby instead of attending the Country Club formal. She picked herself up the floor only because she knew that she would be seeing her love soon.

She took a shower getting ready to attend the party at Aria's parents' cabin, and stood in her closet drying herself, looking through her closet. She dropped her towel and caught glimpse of herself in the mirror. She inspected herself more carefully. She had bags under her eyes, light reddish bruises vaguely shaped like Peter's fingers on her forearm and upper arm, she had scratches and a big black and blue on her shoulder, and her side was a dark purple color from the older bruise from Nana's. She couldn't see well, but it felt like the middle of her back was just as purple as her side. She ached to move, but the hot shower had definitely loosened her up. She sighed, knowing she couldn't wear the sexy open back dress she had wanted to impress Toby with. She settled for a short, high waisted black skirt with a long sleeved light blue shirt that matched his eyes. The top of the shirt, leading down to the front of the chest was a darker mesh and a bit see-through, so she could still be sexy and covered. She decided the few bruises on her legs from falling down could be passed off as nothing unusual, and the rest was okay. She had barely kissed Toby since this had all started, because she didn't want him to see her unclothed and bruised and battered. She knew her dad would be worse to her if Toby said something, which he would, and would also hurt Toby, which she didn't want either. It wasn't the first time her father did this, but it was a passing phase in the past. She figured this too would pass. She could suck it up, especially so close to the age of freedom.

Toby arrived and greeted her with a kiss as she slid into his passenger's seat. "Hey, you." He kissed her again. He hadn't seen her since they'd left Nana's, only spoken on the phone. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," She returned the sentiment.

The car ride was filled with mindless chatter about how fast the year had gone. They were the last couple to arrive at the cabin. Everyone was dressed up and fancy, and Aria had set up a table with bottles and bottles of champagne and wine and fancy little appetizers. They always ended up trashed and asleep before midnight on New Years', so they'd decided to do a classy, small party before they all went off to college.

Caleb and Ezra moved over on the couch to make room for Toby while they played a video game, inviting him to join in for some guy time. The men were yelling at the TV and barely paying attention to their girlfriends.

"Come on guys, we can hang out in the kitchen for a while, let these guys get this out of their systems." Aria laughed.

They all sat at the island in the kitchen. Spencer poured herself a generous glass of wine and sipped.

"Where's Paige?" She looked at Emily.

"On vacation with her parents," Emily sighed. "We skyped earlier, though. And she gets home tomorrow. So we'll just celebrate then." She smiled suggestively and Spencer laughed.

Spencer was drinking quickly as the girls talked, and was barely joining the conversation, with the exception of boozy giggles. She leaned to the side as she laughed, and Hanna pushed her back the other way to steady her. "Spencer, you're _drunk_. Come on, classy night, remember." Hanna took the glass away from Spencer, still steadying her from falling off the bar stool with her hand on her back.

Spencer didn't have a response for Hanna or a reaction to her drink being gone because she was too busy focusing on Hanna's hand on her bruise. She winced under Hanna's hand, trying to push Hanna away.

"Jeez, what's gotten into you?" Hanna squinted at the lanky brunette as she nearly lunged across the table and pushed her away.

"Are you okay?" Aria put a comforting hand lightly on Spencer's shoulder, only causing her to wince once again.

"Would you all stop touching me?! I'm fine!" Spencer snapped before clumsily hopping of the bar stool and snatching her drink back from Hanna, marching off into the living room. She stopped in the hallway to lean against the wall and take a few deep breaths and calm herself before going in with the guys. She sat on the arm of the couch next to where Toby was sitting and leaned into him.

"Hey champ," he smiled, seeing her boozy eyes and knowing she was tipsy at least. "Having fun?"

"I just wanted to be with you," she murmured. "You can play your game." She nodded, resting her head on his shoulder.

He just kissed her hair and went back to his game.

In the kitchen, the other girls were perplexed.

"What the hell is wrong with her? We barely see her, like, ever. And when we do she blows us off." Hanna crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well, this is her first serious relationship...love is blinding?" Aria shrugged. "She's Spencer. She gets into weird stress moments. She'll be okay."

"I just wish we knew what was wrong." Em sighed.

"Well tonight we just need to have a good time," Hanna said, pouring herself a glass of wine. The three girls remained in the kitchen and drank and chatted, mostly gossiping about Toby and Spencer's relationship.

The other girls came in and re-joined the group around 11:45, when the guys had turned off their games and put on the Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve special to watch the ball drop at midnight.

The ball dropped, the couples kissed and the friends shared hugs. They toasted with champagne, played board games, and laughed the night away.

The cabin had only two bedrooms, so Aria had put up curtains with Ezra's help between the beds in each room (each room had 2 beds) so that each couple could have their privacy when they stayed overnight.

Emily decided that since it was Aria's cabin, she should have some privacy with Ezra, and so she could sleep on the couch. Honestly, it was less about respect for Aria and more about being too drunk and tired to walk upstairs to bed.

That left Hanna and Caleb to share a room with Toby and Spencer.

Caleb and Hanna were kissing most of the night, of course. Spencer and Toby just laid together for a while, cuddling. She had changed into a shirt of his that he had let her borrow months ago and she refused to give back. It was long sleeved and long enough that it covered her butt like a short nightgown.

"I had fun tonight with the guys. Thank you for inviting me," he gave her an eskimo kiss before pressing his lips into a real kiss.

"I'm glad," she leaned into him, grunting softly as she moved and everything ached.

"Come here," he pulled her close, sliding his hands under her shirt and rubbing her back. She let out a noise in pain, but he confused it with one of pleasure since the soft moans sounded so similar, and they were both a bit tipsy. She bit her lip, wanting so badly to enjoy it.

"I love you," he nuzzled her neck, kissing her neck and jaw, sucking on all the spots he knew made her weak.

"Hmmmmm," she moaned. The kissing made the pain much more tolerable. He rolled on top of her and continued to kiss her and explore under her top. She would wince once in a while as he hit a bruise and pain jolted through her body, but mostly was able to enjoy the moment. He went to pull off her shirt after some time kissing, but she stopped him, not wanting him to see the bruises. "Just in case they can see through the curtain. Hanna's nosey," she whispered, making up an excuse.

"Do you want to stop?" He caressed her leg.

"No..." she leaned up to kiss him. He returned to his position on top of her and kissed her once more, everywhere his lips could reach. He flipped them, grabbing her by the hips. "Owwww," she let out uncontrollably as he squeezed at her hips.

"Are you-" He went to check on her, but she interjected. "I'm fine unless I say I'm not, I'm just sore." She lied.

He nodded as she leaned back down to kiss him, still squeezing at her hips as he guided her over his manhood and let her gyrate against him, much like she'd tried to do the night of the dance-a-thon, but he was too scared to let her. Now, he wanted her. She kept grunting and gasping in pain as he pushed and prodded at her sides, but tried to assure him it was good. Eventually all the rubbing _actually_ ended up being good, and he finished, and shortly after pushed his fingers up under her shirt and underwear to make her finish, too. She tried to be as quiet as she could with Hanna on the other side of the thin curtain with Caleb, but Spencer was sure they were doing the same thing, so cared a little less.

She'd obviously let him touch her before, but she'd never made him - or any other guy - finish. She liked the power of being able to and the feeling of satisfaction. She wished she could have let them have actually had sex that night, but she couldn't do anything with him until her bruises were healed. It was too risky. He sat at the end of the bed and grabbed some tissues to clean everything up, offering her one, knowing he'd probably gotten something on her.

"Sorry," he whispered, laughing in her ear at the situation.

"It was my pleasure," she kissed his cheek. "Next time they'll be less to clean up," she bit her lip, implying that next time she wanted the real thing. He kissed her head and pulled her close in response, mumbling notions of love and lust before quickly falling asleep, Spencer stayed up a bit and popped some advil before also dozing off.

xx

On the other side of the curtain, Hanna stopped dead in her tracks as she kissed up and down Caleb's torso. "I think we might be hearing Spencer lose her V..." Hanna laughed, nibbling at Caleb's ear.

Caleb smirked. "Try and give her some privacy then." He shrugged.

But then she heard the grunts. "Wait, that doesn't sound good."

"Some people are aggressive, Han. Come on, focus on us." He kissed the back of her shoulder.

"She's been weird all night. I don't like this."

"Han, it's their business." Caleb pouted, wanting to be doing whatever it was Toby was getting to do right then.

"Hanna insisted on being nosey and trying to listen before fully turning her attention to Caleb.

xx

The next morning, Hanna, Caleb, Aria and Emily were all in the kitchen. Ezra left earlier to get to Hollis to work on the syllabus for classes that were starting in only a week before the staff meeting the following day. Spencer was in the shower, and Toby was still asleep.

"Guys, I think something is wrong with Spencer," Hanna whispered as the girls gathered around the table, hoping to avoid Caleb jumping into the conversation. He was annoyed at Hanna for spying on Spencer and Toby instead of focusing on their own relationship.

"You mean her attitude last night? I'm sure she'll get over it." Aria sipped her coffee.

"No, more than that." She sighed.

"Would you stop gossiping about what you may or may not have been creepily listening to last night?" Caleb stood next to his girlfriend with a bowl of cereal, taking large bites.

"What did you hear?" Emily looked between Caleb and Hanna.

"I thin-" Hanna was cut off by Caleb. "She insisted on listening to Toby and Spencer last night to see if they were having sex because she thought the appropriate response to your best friend losing her virginity across the room from you would be to listen."

"Hanna!" Emily yelled.

"You have got to be kidding me," Aria smirked a little, taking another large sip of coffee.

"Caleb! Don't you have to be getting to your moms?" She narrowed her eyes.

"I'm going, I'm going. But take it easy on the girl." He laughed, taking the last big bite of cereal before putting his bowl in the sink. "Spencer's not really girls-gone-wild. She's going to be embarrassed if she realizes she was drunk and loud and we heard her."

"I know." Hanna made a face at him. He kissed her and said his goodbyes and left.

"She was that loud?" Aria laughed, trying to imagine her high-strung friend being anything but a high-strung Hastings.

"I think Toby was hurting her or forcing her." Hanna blurted out.

"WHAT?!" Emily and Aria said in unison.

"It makes sense, okay."

"Hanna, you must have heard wrong."

"She was grunting and making lots of...not so fun noises."

"Everyone sounds different," Emily blushed at the thought and the conversation in general.

"Yeah, maybe she's crazier than we thought," Aria tried to laugh. "I don't think that's enough for you to say something like that. That's not something to be taken lightly."

"No, guys, just listen to me. She was jumping around when we were trying to comfort her last night and snapped at us, she was wincing when we touched her and yelled at us not to touch her anymore, and then the noises.."

"She was just drunk and didn't want you telling her what to do. Classic Spencer." Aria said.

Hanna scoffed. "And you still don't know those noises were bad." Aria added.

"I do!"

"How could you possibly know what noises are good and bad through a curtain, and when they're not your own?" Emily narrowed her eyes.

"Because we heard the real thing, the good kind...later on." Hanna half blushed, half smirked.

"Awkward..." Emily took a sip of her tea.

"Tell me about it." Hanna took a bite of a muffin.

"Maybe it really was her first time and she was just uncomfortable," Aria suggested.

"It just doesn't seem right to me. We never trusted that To-" Hanna was yelling, but stopped when Spencer and Toby entered the room.

"Morning," Spencer smiled, she was holding Toby's hand.

"Thanks for everything, Aria." Toby added and kissed Spencer. "I'll leave you girls to it. I have to head to the site." Toby grabbed his jacket from the hook on the wall. "I'll call you later Spence," he left out the back door and Spencer joined them at the table, pouring herself coffee. She felt all eyes on her.

"What?!" She looked at her friends.

"Are things really okay with Toby? No problems...?" Aria said while looking at Hanna, warning her not to snap.

"They're really great. Why?"

"Just curious. You know if you need anything we're here for you, right?" Aria said.

"100 percent," Hanna chimed in.

"Always," Emily finished.

"What has gotten into you guys?" She poured a drop of milk into her coffee and took a long sip. Hanna made a face. It always freaked her out Spencer could take her coffee without sugar.

"Just curious. I mean we were in the same room last night so I was just wondering if your side was similar to my side," Hanna realized her statement was confusing halfway through saying it, but let it happen anyway.

"I mean...I don't really know what you're asking me but everything's good." Spencer shrugged. "Let's not talk about boyfriends or college or anything the rest of the day. Okay? Can we just hang out like old times? Watch a movie, maybe?" Spencer suggested. "Our lives have gotten so complicated and I just need a break."

"Sure," Aria cooed, and the girls all exchanged looks. They wondered if this was a cry for help, and so went along with whatever she said - Except Emily, who left soon to be with Paige.

The girls barely spoke about anything deeper than what shade of lipstick suited each girl's skin tone best the rest of the day. Aria and Hanna stayed suspicious, but Aria convinced Hanna that they needed more proof before accusing Toby or abusing their friend.

xx

A few weeks had gone by, and Spencer was not backing down in seeing Toby, even if it was against her parents' will. She constantly paid the price for it, along with her other comments - about Princeton, about not wanting to be a lawyer; the list went on. Spencer made a habit of calling Toby when her father hurt her, which had also become all too common. He had no idea.

When they'd been hanging out, she'd been less physical with him, and less intimate all together. She was in pain and didn't want to expose the bruises under her clothes.

They were hanging out and she kept moving uncomfortably, writhing around on his couch like she couldn't get comfortable.

"What's wrong?" He rubbed her knee.

"My back just hurts." She sighed.

"Let me give you a massage," Toby offered. He was feeling distance grow between them and he wanted to close that gap. Because they were always all over each other, and this didn't seem particularly intimate or intrusive, he didn't wait for a response before moving her shirt a bit out of the way of the spot she had been rubbing and she jumped away. But not before he saw a big purple bruise.

"That's not the same bruise from Christmas, is it?" His eyes narrowed.

She pulled away quickly and stood. "I forgot I have to meet Hanna," she grabbed her jacket.

"Spencer!" He called after her, but she ran out and kept running.

xx

To Toby, this was the last straw. She was constantly calling him in the middle of the night, which he was thankful for the interruption from his nightmares, but he knew she never just wanted to hear him - he knew she was upset. He didn't press it, but she was pulling away, and now this - he needed to figure out what was going on.

He got in his car and did something he wouldn't have ever done - he went to Hanna's to fetch her.

He knocked on the door and Hanna answered, closing the door behind her to join him outside.

"I'm here for Spencer." He looked behind her into the window.

"She isn't here."

"Please, I know girls lie for each other but I really need her,"

"She's not here, really. But even if she was, I wouldn't let you in." Hanna grumbled. "You should leave her alone."

"Did she say anything to you?" His face drooped, he wondered if he had done something wrong that he didn't realize.

"She didn't have to!" Hanna snapped. "I heard her in pain on New Years when you were touching her. And she's out of nowhere extremely sensitive to touching. If you're looking for a punching bag join a gym!"

"The bruises..." he mumbled.

"I don't want to know what kind of bruises she has. You need to stop! She doesn't deserve to be pushed around by some kind of...Monster!"

"Hanna, calm down." His words came out slow. He felt like he'd been hit in the chest that Hanna called him a monster, but also hurt that Spencer could really be hurting. He tried quickly to get all of the pieces together in his head.

"Why, do you can hit me too?!"

"I didn't...I would never, ever hurt her..." his eyes started to well up a bit. "How could I not have realized something was so wrong..."

When Hanna saw his tears, she started to believe him. She was compassionate and didn't want to think they were crocodile tears. "You really...it wasn't you?"

"No... I need to find her. Do you have any idea where she might be? She told me she was going to your house."

"Try the lake,"

"But it's so cold!"

"She likes the water," Hanna sighed. She went back inside and Toby lingered before going to the car, but Hanna ran back out in her coat and hat. "Wait...I'm coming." She hopped in the car. That way, if he was lying, she could call the cops and protect Spencer. And if he wasn't, she could help him help her.

They arrived and saw a shivering Spencer sitting at the end of the dock. Hanna sat on one side of her, and Toby on the other. Spencer didn't say anything.

"Spencer...how long?" Hanna very very lightly put her hand on Spencer's knee.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Spencer said softly. Hanna looked up at Toby, begging him to give them a moment. Toby understood and got up and lingered behind the girls, far enough away so he couldn't hear.

"If Toby is hurting you... it's okay to love him, you can't control that...but if he's hurting you, you're allowed to leave. Sometimes leaving is best, even when you love someone..." Hanna tried to get her friend to make eye contact.

"It's not Toby," Spencer said bluntly. "He loves me more than anyone else ever has."

"Then what's going on?" Hanna said. "Don't lie to me."

"My dad paid my Princeton deposit after I begged my parents to let me go anywhere else in the world..."

"Spencer... come on. Talk to me."

"I know I'm a Hastings and I'm supposed to want to go tot he best school but I really, really don't. I need a different experience. I'm almost 18 and I feel like I've barely lived."

"Spence... the bruises. I'm not leaving until you tell me why you wince when I hug you. Really, if it's Toby, you're safe now. I'll call the cops right now and they'll make sure you're safe."

"It's not him!" She yelled this time, causing Toby to look over.

For the first time in a long time, Hanna saw her strongest friend cry. Hard. She was shaking and threw herself into Hanna's arms. "My dad hates Toby and hates my decisions and wants me to be someone I'm not," she sobbed. Toby was walking a bit closer, trying to inch his way to comforting his sobbing girlfriend. "He says I don't deserve his name, and if I don't start to live up to it he'll kill me." She sniffled. "Please don't tell anybody..." she tried to catch her breath.

Hanna was speechless, but Toby knew exactly what to do. He jumped in his car and sped off to Spencer's house. He was going to end this once and for all.


	12. Make It Better

**A/N: Thanks for reading! As always, bolded XX's indicate a Mature scene**

Spencer jumped up, much to Hanna's dismay. Hanna jumped up right after her, grabbing her wrist "What are you doing?! Where are you going?!"

Hanna called but Spencer had ripped her wrist from Hanna's grasp and just ran in the direction Toby had sped off, as if her legs were any match for his truck at 60+ mph.

"I did not sign up for cardio," Hanna huffed as she started after Spencer, eventually crouching down next to Spencer, who had tripped and hadn't found the will to get up. She was crying really hard she was near hyperventilation.

"Spencer, breathe!" Hanna yelled and pulled her friend towards her, rubbing her back with one hand and fanning her with the other. "Shhhh… it's okay. It's gonna be okay,"

"IT'S NOT," Spencer yelled through tears in between gasping breaths.

"Shhhh…Toby will take care of it."

"That's what I'm afraid of!" She yelled less loudly now, running out of air. She took the time to catch her breath a bit before continuing. "My dad is going to go after him! They'll kill each other!"

"You getting in the middle is the worst thing in that scenario," Hanna scoffed. "You've been enough of a punching bag, and that's just from what I can see. I hate to think what you look like under that sweater," Hanna grimaced.

"You have to bring me to my house," she panted.

"I don't have my car, I came with Toby."

"WELL CALL SOMEONE," She yelled. Hanna sighed and complied. "Wait," Spencer added. "Don't tell anyone why,"

"Don't worry," she soothed her friend and got Caleb to come within ten minutes and drop the girls off, no explanation necessary. For now.

xx

When they got to the house, there was a cop car parked outside with its lights blinking. Spencer barely waited for the car to come to a complete stop before opening the door and running towards her front door. Hanna quickly kissed Caleb goodbye before following her brunette friend.

"Wait, Spencer. Wait up!" Hanna yelled and sprinted to meet Spencer, looping her arm in Spencer's and walking with her inside.

"TOBY!" Spencer yelled as she opened the door.

"Spencer, get out of here," Toby said sternly as he stared at her while being handcuffed and taken by two cops – one was a large woman with curly auburn hair and a witchy nose, the other was a short, slender, blading man that Toby could no doubt take out with one swing.

"Spencer, get upstairs," she heard from the other side of the room. It was her father barking at her through a wet cloth being held to his face by her mother, who had some of his blood on her hands. It looked like Toby hit him right in the nose and got a good bleed out of him.

Toby had some blood on his shirt and knuckles and his lip was split, but the damage was not bad. That was all she cared about.

"Spencer, go!" Toby yelled as he was escorted from the home.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP," Peter yelled. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO GIVE HER ORDERS. THAT'S MY JOB," Peter hissed, and Spencer just ran towards the door to grab Toby, as if she could fight two police officers.

Hanna put her arm out to restrict Spencer. "Hey, hey…shhh…it'll be okay. Let him go." Hanna tried to sound soothing even though she was scared as hell.

"NO!" She yelled, pushing past her friend. This time Peter went to stop his daughter, and pulled her back by her ponytail, yanking her head back pulling her headfirst backwards into his chest. He spun her around and held her by the shoulders. "You will forget about that boy IS THAT UNDERSTOOD? GET THE FUCK UPSTAIRS."

Hanna peeled his hand hastily off of Spencer's shoulder and got in his face. "DON'T. TOUCH. HER." Hanna guided her friend more gently by the shoulders to the door. "She's sleeping over my house. Don't bother questioning it. Remember, my dad's a lawyer, too." She narrowed her eyes at Peter, knowing the game he played – being a lawyer he was in with the officers, and was able to get Toby arrested for assault when he had really been the abuser himself.

Peter went to fight back, but Hanna got Spencer out of there before he could get another word in. Caleb was still parked across the street, and Hanna had him drive them to her house. Spencer cried and protested the whole time, but was more well-behaved than she'd have been if Caleb wasn't there.

xx

As soon as they got inside Hanna's house, Spencer stood firmly planted in her doorway, taking Hanna's car keys from the hook near the door. "Take me to the station," she demanded.

"No way," Hanna snatched the keys and they played a game of cat and mouse before Hanna eventually won and shoved the keys down her pants so Spencer wouldn't try to get them.

"I'm not afraid to go in there," Spencer crossed her arms over her chest.

"Can we just get you a shower and some fresh clothes and we'll revisit the idea after you've calmed down?" Hanna was trying her best to act the way she thought her mom would.

Spencer was quiet for a long minute, looking down towards her chest. "Spence…. Okay?" Hanna questioned and reached out but Spencer flinched back, and Hanna saw she was crying again. Hanna guided her up the stairs, into the bathroom, and even helped bathe Spencer.

Spencer sat at the bottom of the tub, crying through the hot water sizzling against her skin. Hanna insisted she make the water cooler, but Spencer fought that she liked to be scalded. Hanna gave up this fight and lightly took a washcloth to Spencer's forehead and cheeks, wiping away the sweat, tears, and makeup that stained most of her face. The water started to turn a tannish color as makeup dissolved from her skin, revealing bruises and scratch marks on her arms, neck and face. Hanna tried not to comment and just helped her friend get clean, trying her best not to make Spencer any more upset than she already was. She saw the funky colored bruise in the middle of her back that Hanna imagined had to be old, terribly painful, and making it difficult for her to breath. She was gentle around the bigger bruises. "Dear God, Spence…" she mumbled under her breath as she saw all of her injuries.

"I'm fine," Spencer whimpered.

"Spencer, that's bullshit." Hanna finally sounded less calm and more like herself. "You're a fucking punching bag. How long has this been going on?" She had let go of the washcloth and was gently rubbing circles into her friends back, comforting her like a baby with a tummyache or a nightmare.

"Years, on and off. Off for a long time, on again since Christmas," Spencer finally answered truthfully, picking up some bubbles from all of the soap from the floor of the tub and blowing them off her hand, as if it were a dandelion.

Hanna started to wash her friend's hair, massaging her temples and scalp affectionately. "You're lucky I didn't know about this sooner… we all would have been on your dad's ass."

"Toby shouldn't have tried to rescue me," Spencer sighed. "I knew this would happen. He's always getting himself into trouble trying to help me,"

"When else has this happened? This isn't a new thing?" Hanna narrowed her eyes, stopping in her movements.

"Uhm… no, just… he's too protective." Spencer tightened up. "I'm turning into a prune in here, Han. Can we please hurry, I want to go to the station."

Hanna sighed and rinsed the last of the soap from Spencer's hair and took a towel out from the cabinet.

"I'm going to make you a pot of coffee, are you going to be okay up here drying off? You can borrow whatever you want from the closet."

Spencer smiled a little. "Wow, Hanna Marin opening up her whole closet, I must look worse than I thought," Spencer joked, and Hanna sighed. Spencer was always too sarcastic, even when she was hurt. Although she was right – she didn't share clothes easily.

"Just get dressed," Hanna shut the door behind her and went downstairs. She was met downstairs with Spencer wearing a pair of her black jeans and a plain gray t-shirt that was a little boxy and short on Spencer's tall, thin frame compared to Hanna's shorter, curvier one. She still had her own hoodie on over the shirt.

"I can do your makeup," Hanna offered, pushing Spencer's hair behind her ear.

"I don't care about that," she sighed. "I want to go."

"If we don't care that up," she sighed, looking at the bruise on Spencer's cheekbone and scratch on her forehead, "and Toby's in for assault, they're going to think you're the other victim."

"But he didn't do it!"

"It doesn't matter, your dad made him look bad," she sighed. "Just sit," she pushed down on Spencer's shoulders, and as she winced Hanna pulled back, forgetting the fragility of the girl in front of her. She came back with a whole makeup trunk and worked her magic to make Spencer look even better than before the bruises.

"Can we go now?" Spencer whined, taking the last sip of her coffee.

"Fine," Hanna finally sighed, knowing if she didn't take Spencer she'd call a cab or walk the five miles to the police station.

xx

"You've got to stop with this running thing," Hanna hobbled out of the car as Spencer ran towards the station.

"I'm posting bail for Toby Cavanaugh," Spencer yelled at the guard.

"Spencer!" Hanna yelled after her, finally catching up.

"He's not on bail," The guard said after typing some things into a computer. "It's not his first serious accusation, so he's in with a probation officer."

"He didn't do it," Spencer started to cry.

"Come on, let's go." Hanna tried to pry Spencer away from the desk.

"He'll be out tomorrow, it's 24 hours. Probation will follow with possible house arrest, but he'll be home tomorrow."

"House arrest?" Spencer started to cry, and looked like she might collapse. Hanna held her up, and realized Spencer hadn't eaten since God knows when.

"Come on, it'll be okay. Better than reform school or something drastic. It'll be okay," Hanna said softly, patting Spencer's hair.

Spencer was too weak and tired and depressed to fight the blonde anymore.

xx

Hanna SOS texted Emily and Aria on their way home, and when they arrived at Hanna's, Emily and Aria were on the porch waiting with two bags full of takeout.

"We got Thai," Aria offered. "We even got those chicken and shrimp dumplings the two of you like so much," Aria made a face and Emily followed suite, they both hated the taste of the dumplings and the mixture of shrimp and chicken, whereas Hanna and Spencer could each finish a whole container by themselves and then some.

"And Thai Iced Teas," Emily perked up, forgetting it was more of her favorite than anyone else's.

Hanna unlocked the door and Spencer followed close behind, not acknowledging the other two.

"Don't worry, they don't know anything." Hanna said as she hung her coat. Spencer sighed and went upstairs with the girls.

Hanna had only half lied. They knew they were there for Spencer – they just didn't know why. But they knew better than to ask too many questions.

They sat in a circle on Hanna's bed and floor respectively, passing containers of Pad Thai, rice, curry, and various noodle dishes.

After an hour of resisting her grumbling stomach, Spencer finally snatched the container of dumplings from Hanna's lap, and for once, Hanna let it go and smiled, handing her a pair of chopsticks.

"Why don't we rent a movie?" Emily suggested, breaking the silence as Spencer slurped up some noodles and Hanna snuck back the container of dumplings. Aria just chewed her straw in disgust, only having eaten rice, the only vegetarian thing they'd ordered since the place forgot her vegetable platter – not that she minded. Sticky rice from Chinese and Thai places was her favorite.

"Orrrrr," Aria piped up. "We can play a game. We can turn it into a drinking game if you're feeling up to it," Aria looked at Spencer slurping noodles and sighed, trying not to think of them coming right back up.

"Only if you mean ice cream and pudding shots," Hanna teased and got up from the bed. "You guys can pick a board game from the closet in the hall, I'll find us some dessert.

Hanna left and Aria followed to go to the hall closet and came back with Pictionary, Scrabble, Life, Twister and Monopoly. "What will it be?"

"Anything but Monopoly," Emily sighed. "That game takes FOREVER."

"Scrabble," a smile spread across Spencer's face.

"Really?" Aria raised an eyebrow.

"Please," she looked like she might cry.

"Yeah…yeah of course," Aria put the games down and started to set up the board.

Hanna came back with mugs of ice cream for each girl and various toppings falling from her arms. Spencer took the whipped cream and shot it right into her mouth from the can.

"Really?!" Hanna grumbled.

"You love me," Spencer said with her mouth full, cream spilling from the corners of her mouth. Hanna couldn't help but laugh.

"You're lucky for that," Hanna said taking it back and putting the whipped cream on her ice cream, and passed the other girls mugs and spoons.

They played the game, secretly at first to everyone but Spencer's dismay, but they all got really into it and competitive rather quickly. Aria put down the last word, " Galvanized," she was impressed with her use of an SAT word, and thought she'd had Spencer beat - they'd been neck and neck the whole game.

Spencer looked at her letters for a long time before adding to Aria's word and putting down her word.

"Goofball… are you freakin kidding me? That's the word you put down?" Aria laughed. "I've so got you beat."

"I was waiting for you to put down a G," she explained with a sly smile spreading across her face, just as Toby had the first time. It was all too fitting.

"What?!" Aria looked at the points Spencer added up – she beat her with the word GOOFBALL.

"Triple word score plus the bingo bonus," She explained, smiling.

"You're something else," Hanna rolled her eyes and Emily laughed. "Only you, Spencer."

Spencer opened her mouth to give credit to Toby, but decided to close her mouth and keep it their special secret. Her goofball. She reached to her necklace and rolled it around between her thumb and index finger, smiling for the first time all day.

The word strangely calmed her the rest of the night, and they laughed and talked and ate junk all night like any other sleepover.

xx

Spencer slept soundly enough, only to jump out of bed as soon as the sun fell through the blinds.

She wasted the day with the girls impatiently until she could finally be sure Toby was home, and she assured Hanna she was okay to walk there herself.

When she got to the Cavanaugh house, she knocked and Toby came to the door after a long few minutes of waiting.

She nearly jumped into his arms, kissing his neck and jaw and wrapping her arms around him.

"Woah girl, calm down," he laughed and rubbed her back lightly.

"You shouldn't have done that for me," she grumbled. "I can't believe he had you arrested. I'm so so so so so so SO sorry," she had tears in her eyes again, but he wiped them with his thumbs.

"I'm fine. I'm stuck here, but it'll be back to normal in a few weeks." He said tucking hair behind her ear and motioning to the device strapped to his ankle.

"Just because you have to stay inside, it doesn't mean I can't be with you..right?"

"I suppose not." Toby smiled and let her in.

xx

Soon they were down in his room and she quickly pounced on him, kissing every bit of him she could get her lips on.

"Spencer, calm down." He said soothingly.

But she didn't calm down. She kissed him everywhere and held his hands back and cried little _I'm sorry_'s and _thank you_'s in between breathes.

He finally brought her up to his face after a long time and many articles of clothing ripped off later. "Stop. Apologizing." He said into her eyes, kissing her nose. "Truthfully I'm sorry I didn't get in more punches," Toby laughed.

"Did he hurt you badly?" Spencer said, grazing her thumb over the cut on his lip.

"It doesn't hurt anymore. It was worth it in either case," he said rubbing circles over where he now knew laid a bruise on her back.

"I'm ready," she said sternly.

"Spencer… I'm on freakin' house arrest. You're a beat up mess. I don't think…" he trailed off and was cut off by her kiss. "Please," she whispered in his ear, tears in her eyes.

"I don't have anything…" He said truthfully.

"I don't care," she answered back.

"Are you on the pill or something?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Or something," She kissed him. She just wanted him, to thank him, to feel him, to know everything would be okay somehow.

Toby didn't know what she meant, but figured she meant some other form of birth control.

"If you're sure…" he said slowly, rolling onto his side to face her and pull her in, kissing her forehead softly.

"As sure as I am that your eyes are that stupid ocean blue that makes everything better," she smiled and kissed him.

He nodded, and soon everything began to change.

**xx**

Toby was slow and gentle with her, He treated her especially delicately knowing she was so bruised up. Typically he'd be over her, holding her hands beside her head and pressing his body into hers – literally. But because of how painful her back was, he decided that this wasn't the best option – even if she said over and over again she didn't feel the pain.

"You don't have to be brave for me," he said looking into her eyes, kissing her shoulders and her hands as he held them. He flipped them over as she winced and guided her hips on top of his.

"But I don't know what I'm doing," she said shyly.

"Shhh…it's okay. I'm going to help you." He kissed her as he leaned up, holding her hips tightly as if they were a steering wheel. He guided her, slowly letting her sink onto him, careful to make sure she was okay but also very determined to watch her face as it all happened, wanting to remember this moment forever. She was beautiful.

"Shhh…you're doing great," he kissed her chest as he slowly lifted her up and back down for her to start to adjust to the filled space that was voided just moments ago.

She responded with a slow groan which let him know she was okay – it was a noise he'd heard before.

As they started to fall into rhythm and he teased her chest and had the most amazing view of his lady from below her, he got so lost in the moment he almost forgot he was supposed to be making her first time memorable. As if just being with him wasn't enough for her.

Her motions were getting more confident and her noises were filling up the room more and more.

"Jeez…Spencer, fuck, I'm gonna…." He clenched his teeth and held her tight, but she quickly lifted herself and dove down towards his pelvis, trying to meet her mouth to his member before he could finish.

"What…the…fu—" Toby wanted to question why she jumped off before they could finish together, but he was too on edge and her lips wrapping around him didn't help.

"Spencer...you have to…I'm…" he tried to give her fair warning, but he finished while he was still engulfed in her mouth. She was surprised, but swallowed it happily, trailing back up his chest before snuggling in and letting out a cute sigh, wiping her mouth innocently.

**xx**

"Why did you do that?" He pulled her in.

"You didn't like it?" She frowned.

"I loved it," he smiled a bit. "Shit," he took a deep breath, still regaining composure. "But it was your first time and you—"

"And I did what I thought would feel good," she finished his sentence. "I love you," she murmured into his chest as he kissed her head. She did really enjoy herself, and enjoy pleasuring him. She felt so…new. So safe with him so close. But moreover, she didn't want to ruin the mood by telling him she had to make him pull out so she wouldn't get pregnant if he didn't already get it.

"I love you too," he responded playfully, kissing her hair. Clueless as always.

xx

They fell asleep soon after their festivities, cuddled under his blankets, wrapped as tightly around each other as they could possibly be without being one person.

Their peaceful slumber was interrupted - or at least his was - when he jumped up quickly, out of breath once again. He felt dizzy, nauseous, and terrified. It was happening again. The same nightmare, again. He tried to breath and sit back, cuddling Spencer, knowing that he did the right thing by saving his princess. His world. But Ian's face remained burned into his brain.

As soon as he relaxed again, grateful that Spencer's hadn't been woken or pained by his jarring, they were interrupted once again - this time by the blaring of his cell phone. He apologized as her eyes fluttered open and he kissed her, telling her to go back to sleep, and went upstairs as he spoke on the phone. When he came back, Spencer was sitting up in his bed, her eyes half-open.

"I told you to go back to sleep," he whispered, getting back in bed.

"Who was that?" She narrowed her eyes. "Is everything okay?"

"It's fine," he grumbled.

"You don't look fine," she narrowed her eyes. "Talk to me," she kissed his shoulder and bicep, her hands caressing his forearm.

"It was work, it's nothing."

"Oh. Do you have to go in?" She pulled back.

He pulled back the covers in response to show off his ankle device. "Can't."

"Oh…fuck. I didn't think of your job,"

"Me neither," he sighed. "If I can't work, I'm going to get fired." He threw his phone across the bed.

"Hey, hey, stop," she soothed him as Hanna did to her the day prior. "It'll be okay. I'll help you find something after all of this."

"No – this isn't your mess." Toby sighed. "You have your own stuff. College and everything. And I still need my GED. Fuck."

"You are my mess. That's why I love you. Besides, it's my fault this happened to you. I'll find you something." She kissed him. "But let's not worry until we have to – you can't go anywhere for two weeks anyway."

"Spencer…HASTINGS…Not worrying. Wow." He joked.

"Come on, enjoy today with me." She whined, hitting his chest playfully.

He responded in a light tickle war before kissing her silly and eventually she ended up falling back asleep, he stayed awake, terrified of falling back asleep and facing his nightmares. The only thing he could do was lay still, holding her as tight as he could.

xx

At the Hastings house, Peter could almost instinctively hear his daughter promise her no-good boyfriend a new job. As if it were part of a master plan.

_Because it was._

Peter smiled, sure that he would soon be a very happy man once his daughter was very, _very_ far away from that poor carpenter


	13. Notice (update coming soon!)

Hi all!

I hope all that celebrate are having a good holiday. I just wanted to apologize for my lack of posts (I've been in finals and had a family emergency) but I will be updating in the next few days. Hopefully tomorrow! I miss these characters.

love,

spencershasting


	14. It's Too Dark Here

**A/N: I AM SO SO SO SORRY FOR NEGLECTING THIS FOR SO LONG. After a series of unfortunate events interspersed between final exams and the holidays, I'm finally finding the time to update my stories. You can expect much more rapid updates to come. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO KEPT UP AND ASKED ABOUT UPDATES DURING MY UNINTENTIONAL HIATUS. I love you all. Enjoy!**

* * *

Spencer spent the night with Toby, trying to let him know everything would be okay if they stuck together. Only Spencer Hastings had this kind of resilience that put her in the position to comfort him after all she had been through. She drew strength from his weak spots. It was almost too picturesque, how they could balance each other kept walking away from chaos, hand in hand. Like a movie ending.

When Spencer walked into her house the next morning, she did nothing but slam doors and cabinets shut. She was in the kitchen packing up her vitamins and pills from the cabinet, shoving them into a duffel bag stuffed with books and clothes when her father walked in grinning.

"Good morning, sunshine. Easy on those cabinets, would ya? Those are worth more than your car." He turned on the coffee machine and re-opened the cabinet to take out a mug.

Spencer just glared at her father. "Oh, you're not still mad about that little incident yesterday, are you? Grow up, Spencer. What do you say you stop…whatever it is you're doing, and I'll volley with you on the tennis courts? We can have lunch at the club afterwards…Even get that cheesecake you like."

Spencer scoffed. "INCIDENT? You got somebody arrested for a fight you initiated. He was just protecting himself, and me… and you cheated the system." She slammed shut a drawer. "And Melissa likes the cheesecake, not me." She growled.

Peter rolled his eyes. "I did not cheat, I just played the right cards. You're a Hastings, you'll learn the difference."

"He lost his job because of you," she continued. "He was trying to save up to go to school, to get his own apartment… but you ruined that. His whole future for your ego." She started to storm out of the room, slamming shut the back door while making direct eye contact with her father, as though she was just trying to spite him. She turned to go to her car.

Peter chased her out around the house to the driveway. "Where are you going young lady? You cannot talk to your father like that and then storm out."

"I'm going out." She slammed her car door.

Sure, Peter was acting angry, but he was smiling. Because he was a Hastings, and his plan was already unfolding three steps ahead of Toby.

And more unusually, ahead of Spencer, too.

xx

Spencer spent days at Toby's, only leaving to go to school. She brought him food, baked for him, and even bought him a new deluxe Scrabble board, which she was saving to surprise him with over dinner.

Toby was distraught. He was depressed and barely spoke to her about anything substantial. He hated being locked in the house. Besides that, he was silently trying to plan ahead. Where would he work? Where could he go? He had envisioned a future where he followed Spencer to college, but that plan seemed to have faded away overnight. Truth was, he was barely sleeping, between his now routine nightmares and now this stress. But Spencer there was helping a bit.

Spencer and Toby had just showered together, and Spencer was dressed before him since she'd stolen his t-shirt to wear as a dress. Her bare feet squished in the carpet and she felt more at home than she ever did at the Hastings house.

Spencer pulled away from Toby, who was only in his boxers, his chest still wet. "You're dripping everywhere," she laughed. "Go change, and I'll find a movie. I bought ice cream after school."

Toby sighed. "Spence, you don't need to bribe me with ice cream like I'm some sort of kid."

She smirked. "If I was bribing you like a kid, I wouldn't have done _that _in the shower with you."

He smirked too, and he went to attack her with kisses again when there was a knock at the door.

"Go get dressed," she shooed him away. "I'll get it."

"But I just want to stay like this and watch movies with you all day and make a fort and maybe talk you into playing video games, you know, if I have to be here all day… every day…" he whined, grabbing her again from behind.

The knocking returned, louder this time.

"Toby, go." she said playfully slapping his butt.

"Fine, but I'm picking the movie." He said from the bathroom.

She was still talking to him about which movie to rent when she opened the door, only to be completely silenced by who she found standing before her.

"Dad?!" Spencer took a step back, crossing her arms over her chest. "What are you doing? How did you know this is where I would be?"

"I, uh, didn't." Peter furrowed his eyebrows. "I came for Toby." Peter's eyes darted around the place, trying to reconfigure himself in a setting so different than his default, and then placing his daughter in this very context.

"You are going to leave him alone. You've done enough." Spencer got in his face, slightly elevating her voice with each syllable.

Toby heard the commotion and came out, still only half dressed. At least he had pants and a belt on this time.

"Spencer, what's going o—" he stopped mid-sentence when he saw who was at the door. "Mr. Hastings… Spencer is here because she felt safe here, not because I've said or done anything… but please don't punish her."

"I'm not here for Spencer," he said brushing his way past his daughter and into the house. Spencer stumbled back a little. "I didn't even know she wasn't home." He admitted grouchily. "But now that you mention it, Spencer, get in the car. You're coming home with me." The sight of his daughter in Toby's shirt and Toby half undressed made him severely uncomfortable, only confirming what he already suspected, that his little girl was fucking the town leper. She deserved all the punishment she'd gotten, she was out of control.

Toby got hold of Spencer as she stumbled back, always three steps ahead when it came to protecting her.

"Anything you need to say to me, you can say in front of her… and she isn't leaving unless she wants to. She's practically 18, you can't force her." Toby bellowed loudly.

"Cut the crap, Cavanaugh. Enough with the hero stuff, alright?" He took a card from his jacket pocket. "Call me when you're ready to act like a grown up and get your act together." Peter said, storming out.

"Come on, Spencer." He said, stopping halfway down the walkway.

"No." Spencer crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm staying here."

Peter looked around, trying to figure out what to do. But he realized it wasn't worth it. It would all be over soon enough.

Toby closed the door as Spencer walked away from him, curling up in a little ball on the couch.

"My family is staying with Jenna's family for a while, while Jenna gets her eye surgery. The doctors are in New York near her uncle's… so… you're not going anywhere." Toby said sheepishly, still thumbing the edges of the business card, sickeningly curious about what Mr. Hastings so desperately wanted to talk to him about.

Spencer seemed to be nodding, but she didn't look up. She was shaking a bit.

Toby went over to sit next to her, extending his arm to reach out to her, but she flinched backward, wiping her face with the sleeves of his shirt quickly. "I'm fine, I'm fine." She said, looking up at him, her cheeks red and the rest of her face without color. He could tell she had been crying just by her breathing, never mind the color of her face or the dampness on her sleeves. "What about that movie?" She said, forcing out a laugh.

"Spencer… he can't hurt you anymore."

"That's not why I'm upset. Just leave it alone, Toby. I want to watch a movie. I don't care what. Just pick something."

"Spence… I'm here to protect you." He said, rubbing little circles on her knee with his thumb.

"I SAID I'M FINE." She said, standing up, pulling her sleeves over her hands. She was quite jumpy.

Toby exhaled loudly. "All you've done is worry about me and take care of me while I've been a mopey asshole sitting around in my underwear and now I'm finally trying to do the same for you and —" he was cut off by her sarcastic laughter.

"FINALLY?!" She laughed again, unable to wipe the sassy smirk off of her face. "Toby, you wouldn't even be on house arrest if you weren't for MY father…if you weren't trying to do something for me! You're such a freakin idiot sometimes, GOD. I can't believe you. Stop worrying about me. You don't need to fix me. I just need to fix all of this…" she was quieting down now, her hands shaking as she squeezed them tightly together between her knees as she slowly settled on the edge of the sofa. "We were supposed to make each other better…make everything better…we've better than this." She said softly.

He sat next to her, taking her hand. "I don't know why you're so mad, but I'm not trying to make things hard for you. What's going on? I thought you were happy to be out of the house, to be here with me. Is it school?"

Spencer met him with a laugh again, this time making direct eye contact. "You don't get it." She said, leaning forward so her forehead pressed against his as she looked down, taking a moment before looking at him again. "I stopped worrying about me a long time ago. I'm not a victim. I never will be." She said in a declarative manner. It was so very Hastings of her, the way she spoke in that moment. He couldn't help but laugh a little, because this was the Spencer he remembered from before all of this started. She could never really change all that much. "I can handle everything, I don't need you making a fool out of yourself and getting yourself into trouble trying to save me. I don't need it. I need you to stay out of trouble and do the right things for yourself. That's all I need from you."

"You're ridiculous." He said raising his eyebrows. "You may not need me to save you, Spencer." He said, leaning forward towards her so their faces were mere inches apart. Maybe even centimeters, millimeters. His breath got stuck between the two of them, trapped between their closeness. "But that doesn't mean I want to stop saving you. Has it occurred to you maybe I like saving you? Let me tell you a little secret," he said, licking his lips, his tongue almost close enough to sweep against her lips. Almost. She was watching him very carefully. "I stopped worrying about me a long time ago, too. And I don't need you saving me. But I won't stop you. Because I know I can't. Because you're rotten and stubborn and I love you to death for that. Some days, despite that, but many days for it." He said, laughing. "Accept it. You've got yourself your own hero. We're like a crime-fighting duo or something… always push and pull, saving each other. It's kind of romantic, if you think about it." He said, raising an eyebrow.

He pulled back away from her and settled a few feet away on the couch, taking up all the space he could as far as he could, to tease her of course. He nonchalantly flipped through the channel guide to find a movie.

"Have you seen that movie with Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler? It looked funny, but I can't remember the name of it."

"Are you serious?" She said, crawling across the couch towards him.

"What?" He smirked.

"They Came Together," she sighed. "That's the movie. I didn't see it. But that's besides the point. Ugh, you make it so hard to be a modern post-feminist when you get so…alpha male."

He laughed. "So you really want me to stop all that? Stop being myself? Stop loving you? Cause I think we're gonna have to agree to disagree here, Spence."

"No…I didn't say that," she said finding the perfect space to envelope herself between the couch and his side, squishing herself in the tight space and pressing up against him. "But I still get to go all wolf-mother over you, too." She said, sitting up sharply.

He just laughed. "As if I could stop you."

She settled in as he flipped the channels, and they enjoyed a few moments of silence that grew into hand holding, caressing, and general snuggling.

"Just please don't call my dad." She said, finally siting up a little and breaking the silence. "I really don't trust him right now."

"Spencer…"

"Promise?" She interjected assertively.

"I promise." He sighed.

xx

"Toby, come with me," Spencer said, running through his backyard. "I want to show you something," she laughed.

Toby haphazardly followed, trying to keep up but she was fast, and all of a sudden everything seemed dark and out of place. He felt like he was stumbling over something. Tree roots and stumps. He always hated how all the backyards in Rosewood seemed to lead to dead ends in the forest. He spent half his childhood lost in the woods, sure he'd never get home.

"Spencer?!" Toby said, feeling around the brush. He couldn't see Spencer anymore, but he heard her. She seemed to be coming from all different directions. He slowly spun to see which seemed most accurate.

When he turned all the way around he finally saw her, sitting on the ground, petting her sister's hair.

"Melissa? What is your sister doing in the woods?" Toby said, looking at Spencer confused. She hated her sister, and Melissa had moved anyway. She really didn't seem like the nature type, either.

"Spencer?! SPENCER WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER ME?" Toby shouted, nervous about the darkness of the woods. "Let's get out of here, come on." He said, reaching out his hand.

She ignored him, continuing to talk to her sister, the both of them seemingly fixed on something he couldn't quite see on the other side of there spot on the ground.

"What are we doing here?!" Toby shouted once more. "It's TOO DARK HERE. IT'S LATE. SPENCER, LET'S GO."

"They were here for me," a voice seemed to come from the darkness on the other side of the Hastings sisters. Toby looked for who the voice might belong to. "Wren?" He crinkled his nose.

"Guess again," the voice said sarcastically. "You did this," the voice hissed, darting towards them. As the figure came into the light, Toby saw who it was: Ian. He was looking quite gray, brown and rust colored blood stains all over his head, neck, and clothes. He was quick for someone who looked like their legs were broken inward. As if he glided across the forest floors.

Ian came at Toby, and Toby immediately put up his fists in self-defense. As he swung, his hand went right through Ian's head.

"Wha…" Toby looked in shock at his hands, trying to comprehend what had just happened. As he did, he felt himself fly backward as Ian pushed him. Ian then floated over to the girls, where he kissed Melissa's head and then proceeded to fly towards Spencer.

"LEAVE HER ALONE," Toby shouted.

"This never concerned you," Melissa said calmly, looking over at Toby emotionlessly.

_She KNEW? SHE WAS PART OF THIS?! _Toby started to internally freak out. When he finally pulled himself out of his thoughts via a sharp noise, he realized it was Spencer's screaming and wailing that pulled him back into reality. Ian had lifted her up and had her by her neck against a large oak tree. He pushed her against the large oak harder, and now she could barely get any noise out.

Toby tried desperately to knock Ian off of his girlfriend, looking over completely shocked at how calm Melissa was watching all of this. "AREN'T YOU GOING TO HELP ME?!" He yelled, his arms flailing as he persistently punched through Ian as if he could suddenly grasp his ghostly form to pull off of Spencer.

"You did this, you're murderer." Ian said, laughing. Toby had been trying so hard to fight Ian,who he could not physically touch, that he hadn't realized that in his attempts to hit Ian, he was actually hurting Spencer, who he could physically touch - and hurt - and was right under Ian.

She was bleeding, bruised, and gasping for air. And she suddenly fell limp. Ian just laughed, singing over and over again. "Murderer, murderer, you did this, you did this,"

xx

Toby jumped up, gasping for air himself. He felt around and realized he was only in the darkness of his living room. Spencer moved and re-settled in her sleep, not stirred enough to wake up from his episode.

He slipped out from underneath her and went to the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face. This had become routine. The same rotating set of a few different nightmares, all ending the same way.

He sighed and looked at the clock. It was only 10:00. They had fallen asleep watching TV relatively early. He sighed. He would probably end up having another nightmare, it was early enough for many more hours of torturous sleep.

He took a deep breath and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. When he did, Peter's business card fell onto the pink tiled floor of the bathroom.

He bent and picked it up, thumbing at the torn edges once more.

xx

"Hello?" Peter said, sitting back down in his office chair. He was just about to call it a night.

"I'm listening." Toby gulped, unaware of what he was to get himself into.


	15. Who Is This Monster?

I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. Major writer's block on this story. Thank you thank you thank you for all of your patience and kind words. :) Enjoy.

* * *

"I want to know what you came here to tell me earlier," Toby's voice shook, cutting through the darkness sloppily and stuttering.

"I understand this last strike has cost you your job," Peter swiveled in his office chair, looking towards the mantle housing pictures of his family, all standing straight, serious as ever, not a hair out of place.

"Uhm, yes…sir."

"I imagine this is a big problem for you." Peter smirked a bit, knowing full well what had happened. In fact, he'd orchestrated the entire thing. He could read Toby like a cheap magazine.

"If you just wanted to rub in the obvious…" Toby was getting frustrated and started to wonder why he'd even called.

"I wanted to offer you a job." Peter cut Toby off sternly. He didn't have time or patience for Toby's frustrations.

"Oh, uhm. Mr. Hastings, I'm not sure what you're thinking, but I don't think we play nice together. I think we've proved that. And quite frankly I'm not sure I could—"

"Of course you don't belong in my office, I've got the best lining up to intern here." He spat out, cutting Toby off once again. "I've got a client who owes me a favor up in Buck's County, and he's got an architectural firm and a construction agency. There could easily be a place for you, with some possibility of upward mobility since he owns both."

"Wow…why are you doing this? That's amazing," Toby's cheeks stretched out in a smile.

"Because Buck's County is four hours away on a good day, near six in rush hour or on nice weekends when everyone heads out to go camping. And with a job keeping you so busy, you won't have time to sit in your truck that long."

"What?" Toby's eyes squinted, trying to put the pieces together while his brain re-adjusted the goof image of the future he'd had in place before any of this started.

"I'm implying that I could get you the opportunity of a lifetime, but then you'd owe me something. I want you to stay the hell away from my family. That means you get your hands off my daughter and you forget any of this ever happened. You could start over, you could have a bright future, kid. But not at the risk of damaging my daughter or the Hastings family name."

"I love your daughter—"

"Is high school love really worth your entire future?"

Toby looked through the crack in the bathroom door towards his sleeping girlfriend on his couch and exhaled, images of her and Ian and Melissa and his nightmares flashing through his mind at the speed of light.

"Even if I agreed…well in all fairness, what about her future? If you keep up with how it's been, she'll have a hell of a time trying to get anywhere covered in bruises."

"Don't test me." Peter gritted through closed teeth. "She will have a perfectly successful future so long as you let her. By letting her go. You don't want to hold her back, do you?"

"No—" He sighed. "Can I have some time to think about all of this?"

"I need to know by Friday," Friday was also the day he was getting his tracker off.

"I'll be in touch." Toby hung up quickly, shoving his phone in his pocket. He was getting so frustrated. He punched the wall, desperate to know what the right move was. He was afraid to leave Spencer, afraid to see what her dad would do. But he needed this job, and realized that both his own life as well as Spencer's would be Hell if he went against Peter. He figured once he got the job and proved his worth, there had to be a way to double-cross Peter and end up with the job and with the girl.

He tried splashing water on his face and breathing before returning to the living room.

"What was that about? Were you talking to yourself in there?" Spencer sat up slowly, her eyes all squinty.

"Shhh…no, just go back to sleep. Everything's fine."

"I need advil or something…my back is killing me."

His face softened. He knew he needed to help her make this stop. The hurting. He tried getting involved but made it worse. It seemed that all he could do was to trust Peter, even if he hated that.

He stood and handed her two pink pills and a glass of water, but she dry-swallowed them sleepily and leaned on him. "How is it still the middle of the night?"

"We crashed really early."

"You look so tense," she said lifting her hand to the side of his face, and then hoisting herself up by gripping his shoulders, kneeling next to him nipping at his ear. "Why won't you tell me what's wrong."

"I just…I'm still worried about you, that's all. Your dad got me all shaken up."

"You should stop thinking about him. It isn't worth it. I'm going to get as far away from him as I can as soon as school's over." She kissed his cheek, and moved to straddle his waist. "And I'm taking you with me." She kissed his lips hard. "Please, relax? I'm obviously fine."

"For now…"

"Toby, look at me." She held his face. "I'm fine. I swear it."

"Did he ever touch your mom? Your sister? Or was it just you?" He finally stuttered, trying to understand the gravity of it. How much he would be affecting if he listened and obliged to Peter's wishes.

"To my knowledge, it was never them. But it's not like the Hastings are known for their closeness. Everything's a secret. I swear we deserve our own investigative show."

He looked away, but then looked up at her, still laughing, still smiling. He wondered how she kept this all up.

"When we have a family, it won't be like them. We'll be like some weird sitcom family. I can feel it. One brainy dork like me and one amazing, handy kid like you," she laughed, lacing her fingers with his calloused ones.

He kind of smirked, but withdrew and didn't hold her hands back. "Just kidding Toby, jeez…don't get all scared. I'm not insinuating we start a family now."

"I know…that wouldn't even be so bad. It would just be a jumpstart on forever."

"Well now I'm the one freaking out," she laughed. "I'm not ready for that."

"Just kidding, jeez." He mocked her, and kissed her.

"But ya know, we could…practice. For the future." Spencer raised an eyebrow.

"It's so late…and my family is coming home tomorrow…well today technically…and…"

"And I love you and I'll be very quiet…" She said getting off of him, leading him downstairs.

_This could be one of the last times we have together,_ Toby thought, realizing his deal with Peter may be the only way to save Spencer, and maybe even the Hastings women as a whole. He would work, save up some money while looking for work unassociated with Peter, and come back for Spencer. And if she found herself with someone more appropriate and Hastings-approved in the meantime, he'd let her go, because her happiness was key here, nothing more. He stopped worrying about himself and his own desires a long time ago. He learned a lot about loss when his mother died, and he expected it at this point. Comfortable numbness.

Sleepy eyes and tired hands wandered one another and love was made until the sun rose and they'd fall back asleep somehow, in one another's arms, physical and mental bruises all out in the open, so enamored by each other's touch that nothing else was even thought of. It was an emotionally draining day for both and they needed each other.

xx

After such an intimate night, Toby was starting to reconsider. He was more confused than before. He woke up before her, and sat on the edge of his bed watching her sleep. He got up and put on a pair of boxers and a tshirt, and covered her bare body up with the blanket that she'd kicked off in the middle of the night.

He heard Jenna's voice upstairs, and sighed. Back to his own reality. His own personal hell was home. Their demons matched in scary ways.

He kept getting paranoid about steps upstairs, thinking his father would come down and yell, only to be even more angered by the naked girl he was hiding in his bed. He decided to gently wake her with kisses on the back of her shoulder and light touches, trying to avoid any bruises.

She sleepily rolled over and kissed him. "Good morning, love." She smiled.

He couldn't help but laugh. "How are you so beautiful and perfect before your eyes are fully open?"

She shrugged as she sat up and rubbed her eyes, pulling up the blankets as she did so. "I don't know, I guess you bring it out in me." She shrugged, and then held the blankets up as she crawled across the bed and kissed him. He leaned over the edge of the bed and got his TShirt form the night before and tossed it to her so she could move freely without holding up the blankets.

Spencer's eyes rolled upwards as she plopped back down on the bed. "I hear your family upstairs…but I don't want to leave yet."

"You don't have to." He scooped her up.

"I do, it'll be worse if they come down here to see you for the first time since you've been arrested and I'm here."

"They won't come down, if they were going to they would have already."

"You don't have to look at me so scared, I won't go home. I'll go to Hanna's. Ashley, her mom, never asks too many questions. I'll be able to stay for a while. And besides, it's not like I've never crawled in through the window in the middle of the night before." She laughed. "It seems like so long ago, the beginning of all of this - doesn't it? Like a whole lifetime." She snuggled up to him, and the words of the beginning made him shudder as Ian flashed through his brain once again, first the Bell Tower Ian, and then scary dream Ian.

"Can I confess something? It's not just about you leaving and your dad… that has be shaken."

"Toby, you can tell me anything…" she said with one hand plastered to the side of his face, her ears and eyes attentive like she was in school. Always listening on every level she could.

"I've been having dreams…bad ones."

"What are they about?"

"Ian…" he could barely choke the words out. "Ian, and the bell tower, and you, and Melissa, and…I still can't get his face out of my head. His dead eyes…" He trailed off, and tears flooded his eyes. "I killed him, and it was so easy…I hurt him and I got away with it and I didn't even think twice about pushing him off of that ledge to be honest with you…and lately it's like…if it was so easy for me to take someone's life like that…what's stopping me from hurting others so badly, how can I stop myself from being a monster? From hurting people I love? From hurting you?" He was slobbering all over her as she brought his head into her chest and kissed the top of his head.

"Shhh…no, you're not a monster…we've been through this… You're just, you're not. You did good for me. You save me over and over again. I'm sorry you're so haunted because you were doing something for me…" She rubbed his back. "But you're not a killer. You haven't got a bad bone in your body."

"Then why was I able to do that so easily?"

"Because you're heroic and the most just, fair person I know. You did it because it was right. It was him or me. And he was showing no mercy. He got his fateful punishment. And we got our rewards in one another. Karma's a bitch that way. Nothing's easy to get."

"But in my dream last night…tonight…it was you I hurt…I hurt you really bad…" He started to sob again.

"But look at me…Toby, i'm fine. It wasn't real. You didn't hurt me. We just made love…" she laughed in an exasperated kind of way. "You never have hurt me like that…it's probably some manifestation of seeing my dad today, who has hurt me. Your dream got everything jumbled."

"But i saw myself do it…like i'm capable."

"Then hit me…pinch me…hurt me."

"I can't…Spencer, why are you doing this?"

"To prove that you can't and you wouldn't ever touch me in that way."

He cried a little more in her chest. "I just love you so much…I can't ever see you hurt again."

"I know…but look, I'm fine. Just a few bruises, and they're healing up real good."

"I just…I'm scared to trust myself with you."

"Well…I trust my life, my body, my heart with you, Tobias Cavanaugh. And if i can trust you, you should trust you, too. I don't trust easily. My gut is usually right. So stop worrying," She said holding both sides of his face and then leaning in for a kiss.

He nodded and wiped his eyes, feeling a little better about telling her. He almost told her about her father's proposition, but he couldn't get the words out; they were stuck in the back of his throat. They just sat like that for a while, on his bed in a mess of tangled limbs.

"Toby!" Jenna called from the top of the stairs. "We're making lunch, come upstairs."

"That's my cue…" Spencer said, wiggling into pants and hoisting herself up to the window. "I'll text you later, and maybe I'll stop by."

"Text me when you get to Hanna's." He said, helping her up.

xx

Toby went up for lunch, and tried to avoid the conversations about the arrest. Thankfully, his parents were more concerned with the fact that Jenna's surgery wasn't showing much improvement in her sight - although she could now reportedly see some shadows which had the possibility of eventually becoming actual sight, but it would take more time than they anticipated, and probably more surgery. it was a letdown for all. Jenna seemed to be taking it rather well, though.

After lunch, Toby realized he left his phone downstairs and rushed away to make sure he could answer for Spencer.

He didn't see any text, and threw his phone aside and started screwing around with his old guitar when his phone made a beep and he sat up quickly to answer.

_When you're all grown up, the monsters don't live under your bed - they live in your head. Or in Spencer's case, in bed with her. You both know you'll hurt her. You're a killer. You have to leave her. Make the right choice before somebody else ends up dead._

Toby gulped and threw the phone across the bed. It beeped again, and it was Spencer. Her phone had died and she just plugged it in at Hanna's.

He looked around his room, trying to figure out who this anonymous text was from. He called Peter, who seemed genuinely annoyed Toby contacted him before the end of the week as per their agreement, so it wasn't him. He wondered if he was actually going crazy.

Hours went by, and he couldn't stop re-reading the text. Spencer kept sending picture messages of the girls smiling and proving she was fine. She was happy there. But he still wasn't at ease.

He rang the number one last time, "I don't need until Friday. I've made up my mind."


	16. Closer Than You'd Ever Know

"It's not about you, this isn't permanent. It's about making things okay for future us. Even if current us isn't thrilled…I…can't do this." Toby plopped back down on his bed, after having rehearsed his speech 101 times.

Spencer was laughing, knocking at his window, her backpack slung over her shoulder. She had been knocking for a whole minute but he was so wrapped up in everything that he hadn't noticed.

"Were you talking to yourself?" Spencer laughed as he rushed over to let her in, holding her hand as she climbed inside.

"No…I mean, kind of, but…" he looked her up and down. "You look pretty today," he kissed her cheek, his voice shaky.

"Thanks…but I want a real kiss." She said holding either side of his face as she latched her lips to his, their teeth hitting and bottom lips bitten. The kiss ended with them both smiling, breaking the contact.

"Someone's happy," he noted, sitting on the end of his bed.

"I've been having a good time staying with Hanna. I forgot how much fun Ashley could be. And they just rescued a kitten Ashley found by her job. Can you believe someone would just leave a poor little kitten in an alley dumpster?" She flashed her tiny pink cat scratches on the insides of her arms. They were light and not bad at all.

"You still need to be careful," he said, rubbing her arms and pulling her down onto his lap.

"You need to stop worrying about me like I'm a china doll that's gonna break," she latched her arms around his neck. "She was just playing. She's a lil thing," she motioned with her hands, showing him how little the kitten was. "We should get a pet," she smiled. "I can't wait to live with you,"she blushed, realizing she was assuming all of their future plans when Toby's face became panic-stricken. "Or I mean, wherever I'm living after graduation."

"Anything my baby wants, my baby gets," his face lightened upon seeing her reaction to a face he hadn't even realized he made.

She smiled. "I love you."

"I know," he smirked, and rubbed her back. "I love you more, though."

She let silence linger between them after a few kisses. She started kissing him much more aggressively after a moment, though. Kissing him with her full mouth pressed against his as hard as she could, her tongue battling to swipe between his lips and take in his whole mouth. She quickly moved across his jaw to his ear, biting it playfully before whispering a seductive whisper in his ear, responding to his assertion. "Impossible," she said before kissing back across his jawline, leaving one, single kiss back on his lips.

He held her tighter, his hands grabbing at her hips as she did so. She was crazy and wonderful and he really loved her more than he could ever show her. Which was why this was so hard.

"Are you excited to finally get your tracker off this afternoon?" she filled the silence. "Your appointment is at 4:30, right? Can I take you, pleeeease? I want to go to dinner afterwards. Or the movies. We need a night out."

"We do…" he rubbed her back.

"But…I think we have some time to celebrate beforehand." She smirked.

"That can't be comfortable for you with all those bruises…you don't have to keep doing that for me."

"I'm doing it," she got a little closer to him "because I need you," she swallowed hard. Her voice raspy, sexy and a little shaky. "I want to feel you inside of me," she teased, whispering in his ear before removing herself from his lap and making herself at home under his sheets, pulling the sheets up as she dropped her dress on the floor, following by her underwear, having undressed herself under the covers.

He raised an eyebrow, not able to refuse her. He crawled up towards her in bed, tickling her and playing games before finally giving into her requests. Within the hour, his back and chest had markings and scratches matching her own colorful skin. She needed him more than she needed water or air. She was grappling with her emotions more than she'd let on, mostly because she didn't quite understand the depths of what she was dealing with. She was desperate for the love he gave her, desperate to be held, nurtured, and taken with all the care he had in his body.

xx

"You're free," she giggled, squeezing his hand. "Where to?" She said as she nearly danced down the steps of the police station.

"Whatever you want to do. Seriously. I want you to think of the perfect night, and then that's what I want us to do."

"But we're supposed to be celebrating you," she pouted.

"And I want to celebrate by making the girl I love happy. You got a problem with that?" he teased.

"Well, Jenna was being weird when we left. So maybe let's not go back to your house yet. I think she was upset I was with you instead of her."

"She has her moments, I think the surgery is getting to her more than she's letting on. But let's not talk about her. Please, anything but our families." He pleaded.

"Okay," she said, unlocking her car and climbing in the front seat, waiting for him to join her. "I know what I want to do tonight," she smiled.

xx

Spencer was full of life and a child-like wonder he never would have expected. Not just because she was so broken and shouldn't be so okay after being so abused and bullied by her father, but because she was always so serious and put-together and so anally productive and organized that it just didn't make sense to him how she could be so versatile. But then again, it did. She was everything. His everything.

She had already stopped to get them food from the Grill to-go, and they'd been driving for about 40 minutes at this point. He didn't even know where they were anymore.

His stomach growled loudly, and he grunted. "Are we almost there? I'm starving." The smell of french fries had overtaken the entire car.

"Five minutes…I feel like I'm driving with a kid," she laughed, turning off the highway and pulling up into a big lot. It was an old drive-in in Ravenswood.

"They're playing 'Double Indemnity' tonight," she explained. "And some other movie afterwards, but I'm not sure what. It's a film noir double feature. I had this planned forever and forgot about it with everything going on. It's like my favorite movie. Just the cinematography alone is amazing and gorgeous," she got wide-eyed and giddied up about it and all he could do was laugh and play with her hair as she spoke.

"Hmm, gorgeous and amazing? Sounds like you," he teased, finally opened up their bag of food and shoving fries in his face.

"Save some for me!" She laughed, grabbing the bag from him and pulling out her burger, kissing him as she took the bag from him. She gave it back and pushed back her seat all the way, unbuckling her seatbelt, so she could sit in a pretzel without hitting her long legs on the steering wheel. He followed suit and shimmied over, putting his arm around her. It took all his strength not to make out with her though the movie, but she said it was her favorite and he wanted her to watch, and also to watch for himself, to understand why she loved it.

He wasn't as subtle as he thought, though. He was subconsciously touching her the entire movie. His hand grazing her knee, tickling her skin; his other hand burying itself in her hair, his thumb caressing her collarbone and shoulder; sporadic kisses on cheeks.

She finally just interlocked their fingers and kissed his hand. "I'm not going anywhere, stop being so tense." she said smiling, returning to the movie. She guessed the graduation talk had sparked a lot of tension in him since she was undoubtedly be leaving for college, and they hadn't talked about that.

_But I am,_ he thought, but swallowed his words whole, unable to utter them.

"I just love you," he whispered, smiling into a kiss. "Let's just watch," he squeezed her hand.

They kissed through the whole second movie, since Spencer didn't seem to care about it, and his hands had left a spark in her.

"Come on, let's go home," he said squeezing her knee, the windows fogged up from their breath.

She nodded, liking his hand on her knee the whole way back to his house.

xx

"Can I stay tonight?" She said as they pulled up in front of his house.

"I really need you to," he nodded, kissing her cheek. She heard the shakiness of it all. The way his voice caught in his throat like he was having trouble breathing and getting the words out. An uneasiness overcame her as she got out of the car, quietly following him inside and plopping down on his bed.

"Come here," he opened his arms, her head securing to his chest.

"Your heart's beating really fast," she noted, looking up at him.

"Obviously it's because I'm with you," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"What's wrong?" she said, sitting up in a pretzel, her back slumped against the headboard.

"Nothing…what could be wrong with tonight?"

"Toby…what's wrong?"

"Spencer, I love you, but —"

"_But?" _Suddenly it was her throat in which air was trapped, breathing suddenly feeling like a chore as everything felt like it was dropping in her stomach.

"But I can't turn down the job offer I just got. So we have to spend a little less time together."

"You jerk," she said, slapping his chest and wiping away the watering in her eyes. "I thought you were going to leave me." Her chest was heaving and her heart was racing, which he swore he could see through the thin skin of her neck and chest. A redness had spread across her upper chest, her nerves completely having taken over. She still felt shaky. Losing him would be like losing everything.

"I have a very real picture of what you disappearing looks like," she continued. "You can't scare me like that."

"Honey…no, Spence. It's not like last time… but I am leaving — not like that, though. I love you, I love you Spencer" he said lifting her chin to look in her eyes, planting a little kiss above her nose as his whole face brushed against hers, their noses giving accidental eskimo kisses. "But I have to take the job so I can make enough money to get out of this town forever and make sure you're able to be with me, too. Safe and sound and happy."

"I'm so proud of you," she snuggled up to him, kissing his cheek. "I didn't even know you were applying yet." She sucked in a deep breath and calmed down. "Shall we celebrate?" She smiled deviously, her hands lingering on his chest, feeling his heartbeat fast once again, her lips dancing across his jaw.

"The job is in Bucks County," He said sitting up, forcing her kisses to subside.

"But that's like…that's so far away," she swallowed hard. "And it's even farther from UPitt." She knew she'd be leaving him soon for college. They'd never talked about it. She just assumed he would be able to come with her. She was so looking forward to the freedom college would grant her she forgot that the future didn't extend the same promises to everyone. She sucked in a deep breath, her lips pursed. "When do you have to go?" her eyes said she was one wrong breath away from reckless tears but her face putting up a strong front. A classic Hastings look.

"Tomorrow afternoon." He looked down.

"TOMORROW?!" She jumped to her feet. "You're leaving tomorrow?"

"I'm doing this for us, Spence. For you." He stepped toward her, quickly jumping off the bed as well.

"But I need you," she stuttered. "I need you here. There's prom, and graduation, and the whole summer…and I know that none of that probably seems important to you but it's important to me…"

"They're important to me, too… I'll come back, Spence. I'll be back every time I can. And I'll have my own place there, you can come visit me. Whenever you want."

"Just stop," she sat at the edge of the bed, exasperated.

"Spence…" he sat next to her.

"Can we just stop talking about it and enjoy tonight?" She finally looked up. "I want to be with you until you have to leave." She was making accidental puppy dog face; her bottom lip always popped out when she was suppressing tears. Which was often, because she was always reacting so emotionally, so wholly invested in everything around her. She was more than in tune with her emotions. She felt enough for everyone.

He nodded. "Come here," he settled on the bed and opened his arms so she could lay on him, slowly laying each bruised vertebrae against him. She rested on his chest, her head fitting perfecting in the space above his shoulder. They kept silent, his arm resting around her, his other hand combing through her hair.

She leaned up her chin to look up at him. "I'm sorry for reacting badly. I still am proud of you."

"I know," he kissed her temple. "Don't worry,"

"Are you going all the way up to Buck's County to get away from me? From my father?" She turned in his arms so her front was pressed against him now.

"Don't be ridiculous, Spencer. I told you, I just need to save up some, and then we can be together. And we'll never have to come back here or worry about your father ever again."

"I just wouldn't blame you, trying to get away from all of the mess here. I know it hasn't been easy."

"Spencer, stop it. Now. If I didn't think it was worth it, that you were worth it. I wouldn't do any of this. But you are. I'd do a lot more for you, too."

She leaned up her chin further to kiss him, not planning to stop until she was too tired to move her lips any longer.

xx

Spencer quietly slipped into her house, trying to act as invisible as she'd often felt. She wanted nothing more than to pretend that Toby hadn't just left, even if he'd promised he'd pick her up from school on Friday and spend the weekend with her.

"Spencer, is that you?" Veronica came into the living room. "Where have you been?"

"Out," she said dully. "I'm just going to go upstairs if you don't mind,"

"We have dinner plans at the club," she informed, pinning the back onto her earring.

"Can't I just stay home." she groaned. "I've got a lot of studying to do, and…"

"Wear your navy blue dress. The one with the white stripe at the bottom." Veronica said as her heels click-clacked down the hall.

Spencer groaned, not having the energy to fight. She just went upstairs, crashing down on her bed.

xx

"Mr. Hastings?" Toby's fists clenched around the handles of his bags, shocked to see Peter standing there.

"Surprised to see me?" Peter grinned. "I just wanted to make sure you got settled in alright,"

"I'll be fine," he said, readjusting the bag slung over his shoulder. "I've done everything you've asked. I left Spencer," he lied through his teeth. Physically, he was gone. But Spencer was still very much a part of his life, and vice versa. Peter didn't have to know that they'd find the loopholes.

"I just wanted to welcome you to your new place," he picked up pace towards the corporate housing alongside Toby's new boss, Pedro.

"Mr. Hastings owns the building," Pedro announced, proudly, knowing all too well that this was both a blessing and a curse.

"Of course he does," Toby muttered, following them to his new apartment. It wasn't much, but it was far away from Rosewood, and for now that had to be enough. He couldn't wait to bring Spencer here. He grinned at the irony of making Spencer's safe haven and hideaway in a building her own bulldozer of a father owned.

His phone buzzed and he checked it as Peter weaved in and out of the few rooms in the apartment.

Toby glanced down and saw a less-than-appropriate photo of the youngest Hastings. "_Already counting down the minutes, hurry back and we'll relive last night over and over. I love you. ;)"_

Toby grinned, making a mental note to answer her in a few moments when he'd have privacy. He felt like he finally had control. A new apartment, a job, an out from Rosewood and his bangin girlfriend. Finally, someone had out-smarted Peter Hastings.

Or so he thought.


End file.
